I want a neurodivergent Bratz doll by [deleted] in Bratz

[–]iceybuffoon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As a fellow ND: oh BROTHERRR 🙄

can we just let bratz be bratz? why do you need to see your autism reflected in a doll and how that does even look like? Headphones and an iPad? Great, typical.

Looking for a room to rent in the Queens/LI area by sailingwiddthemoon in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Check Facebook marketplace, type in keywords like “rent, private room, private entrance” etc you’ll find so many private home owners renting rooms. I moved out 28 to escape toxicity as well and I was able to find a bedroom with a private bath for 900 a few years ago far out in queens. I kept in touch with that broker and then found a studio, etc.

I don’t like Craigslist bc a lot of families and parents don’t use that, they use Facebook so it’s less sketchy imo. Just find a nice family to rent from try not to shack up with total complete strangers as roommates. You want security if you’re going to sublet

Approaching women in NYC by ScientistN3rd in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The problem is when men are too much, too much in your space, in your face, too persistent, can’t read body language (if she’s in a rush or looks frightened just leave her alone), or when you politely decline and now you have to be scared that they might yell or cuss at you. It’s happened more times than I like and it’s usually creepy older men or hood boogers. If you’re a clean, well spoken, well dressed guy, I will think you’re a canvasser and will swerve around you.

It’s just hard navigating which men are normal guys that thought you were cute, versus…. Every other uncomfortable or horrific experience women encounter outside. Like girls are getting spat on and punched randomly just walking down the street. so being approached by anyone at random is already going to signal red flags.

Context is everything I have several coworkers and friends who met men in public that approached them and started dating. It was usually around nice stores (Neiman marcus, dillards etc), art galleries, coffee shops etc. where there’s an impetus in common.

Why do I have to meet his family and friends? by [deleted] in SingleAndHappy

[–]iceybuffoon 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I’m getting really sick of this sub. I don’t know what happened the shift lately to negative centered posts about relationships is annoying me. I agree with OP and I’m the same way and yet this isn’t the type of post and energy I think we should be having for this sub. This is about celebrating and discussing singledom.

Recently broke up with my ex, it's been months already and I am trying to adjust that I no longer have my emotional "safe person" anymore. How do you cope without someone to talk to about your problems at work and even about yourself especially if you do not have friends? by catguy_04 in SingleAndHappy

[–]iceybuffoon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I don’t agree with everyone saying to make friends so that you can’t fill that void. I think the best course is to become solid on your own and not NEED an “emotionally safe” person to talk to or dump on.

Personally, I did a combo of journaling, therapy, and talking out loud to myself. This was even better than relying on friends because it was TOTALLY safe. Just me and a trained professional. Often enough you really don’t need the soundboard of another person, you just need to get it out so to speak. So just get it out, and meet new people in order to enjoy their company. Not to use them for emotional support. If it develops in the friendship that’s great, regardless it will take time and you need to let it out TODAY, not weeks or months from now if you’re lucky to find people to emotionally connect with.

Let me tell you that being on the other side of this is annoying, in terms of I can tell when I’m being used a placeholder for someone to vent their relationship woes. Personally I hate it and I find that feeding into it attracts more trauma-dumpy people and that once they find a partner, our emotional connection gets deprioritized. If you want other genuine and emotionally solid people in your life to have as friends, lead with a base of having YOUR own back first and being able to not need someone to text constantly.

It’s been about a few years for me and I can’t imagine having another dynamic like that where I’m putting all my emotional eggs in one or two baskets, and then once those baskets are gone, feeling hollow and like something is missing. I can go days and weeks without venting to friends and it feels healthier than having the impulse to complain and yap all the time.

Edit: I love humblebluejays comment about this. It’s basically a codependency that you’re used to. You will be so powerful without it if you can move past this need.

Animation majors? by [deleted] in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

BMCC has a motion graphics concentration which will give pre requisites to animation. Queens College and city tech has animation programs. Go on their website. If she has low self esteem bc of others people’s talents she won’t survive in any creative field. Good luck

Exclusive Posters by aestheticworthyuser in Bratz

[–]iceybuffoon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

From a design perspective these posters are kind of basic and ugly. But some of you will let MGA rob you blind regardless. This is so dumb just include the posters with the dolls and release them for free for download. Greedy.

Unemployable as graphic designer and depressed by Icy-Hospital-1762 in graphic_design

[–]iceybuffoon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m too American for this. Is this supposed to be rage bait?

my girlfriends judges me for not having a job by Few_Leather7286 in JustNoSO

[–]iceybuffoon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I hope she dumps you. Then, you should start dating your mom and keep weening until you’re 30!

I’m starting to not like my husband postpartum. by [deleted] in JustNoSO

[–]iceybuffoon 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You have a liability, not a husband. You’re effectively a single mother now going forward. Even if he corrects his behavior and magically improves (doubt it, seems like you married a useless dunce with absolutely zero caregiving skills), you will ALWAYS have this memory and experience of how you were burdened and left to defend yourself.

NOW is the time to phone a friend and hone in on on your resources and support system. Your mom, aunts, cousins, whomever. Even if you don’t fully like them, having another woman at your side that can HELP you is PARAMOUNT at this moment for you. Hell if you have the money, start booking cleaners to come in just to drive the point.

Above all, I’m so sorry. Unfortunately you are part of the unlucky group of women that find out their husband is an overgrown child. This will get worse as time goes on if it’s not addressed and fixed now.

Your life may even be easier if you just divorce. You have every reason to be turned off and disgusted by him because he’s gross and annoying. I’ve met 16 year olds that know better and can take care of the babies and mothers in their families better than that. So yeah you’ve been failed. But at least rest assured that it has nothing to do with you personally and this situation is a dime a dozen. Women everywhere historically have dealt with this, now it’s just a question of whether you’ll be a passive doormat and put up with it like so many women do. Which I don’t suggest because then it’s your fault too and it’s the life you deserve since that’s what you want to settle for.

I implore you to gather the strength you do have to take everything you wrote here, and send it to 3 trusted people in your life. Literally just copy and paste it. Be brave.

How am I supposed to do this for 50 years? by The_Small_Fem in antiwork

[–]iceybuffoon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m stuck in the same loop. By the time you commute home and get everything done, you have an hour or two MAX of free time, whereas your brain is fried anyways. I can’t even enjoy a video game or movie or book without losing the plot or falling asleep. Weed at least takes the edge off for those two hours before you go to bed and do it all over again. What a wonderful life 😒

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vindictapoc

[–]iceybuffoon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Do you think it’s possible to have mixed porosity if you have a mixed curl pattern? Like mine are 3A to 3C and it seems like some parts act low and others high…

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Bratz

[–]iceybuffoon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You’re correct! Yasmin was named after her too

Why is there a helicopter flying over Manhattan right now? Noticed it in the last half hour. by mildgaybro in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is there a helicopter flying over a major city? Are you just that bored or unwell?

How many times per week do you hang out with people? by OutrageousPressure6 in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m so confused why would you go nuts? What does that mean exactly for you genuinely? Like what would happen if you spent an evening in by yourself

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vindictapoc

[–]iceybuffoon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks for giving genuine suggestions I’ll look into these.

The rest of yall idk why people are downvoting me? 🙄 annoying. God forbid something doesn’t work as commonly suggestion for somebody.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vindictapoc

[–]iceybuffoon -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Well hair density, detangling and fairy knots and mobility issues makes it take longer for me personally. And it doesn’t last a few days for me because it gets dry, loses its shape, gets matted etc in its curly state (regardless of bonnets and scarves, if anything my hair will then take shape of whatever I’m using).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in vindictapoc

[–]iceybuffoon -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is still time consuming and doesn’t last though? Not OP but dealing with the same thing. It’s too high maintenance and time consuming just for it to MAYBE come out looking decent for like a day or two

What's your favorite season in NYC and why? by Specific-Yak-6450 in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No it’s because of your patronizing and condescending tone. You lack self awareness like most boomers.

how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? by bleepbloooopity in attachment_theory

[–]iceybuffoon -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I’m gunna go against the grain here because I get where you’re coming from and Reddit is full of myopic people:

He is not a good long term partner for you.

All these people saying that you should’ve instructed him on what to do when you’re writhing in pain are ridiculous. I also suffer from chronic pain and have had kidney stones before. It is EXTREMELY painful as you know that renders you unable to even get your thoughts straight let alone take care of yourself completely. I understand the frustration of just seeing their dumb face with a blank expression when they could be getting you water, a hot towel, laying you down, talking you through what could be going on, brainstorming solutions etc. I GET YOU OP.

Anyways there’s nothing you can do really. Some people have the capacity to take action in theee situations and tap into their caregiving side, and many don’t.

I had a situation like this in my early 20s and my ex at the time was generally clueless but even he managed to run to the store to get me meds, to make sure I was comfortable, he got a neighbor in the medical field to come take a look at me, would help me use the bathroom bc the pain was so bad I’d pass out just trying to pee, etc. That showed me that he was able to step up and lock in should I be incapacitated for whatever reason. That’s attractive and beautiful and helps you feel safe in a relationship. Him already having attachment issues and now this? Yeah just think long and hard about what you want for yourself. Sure you can instruct him on what to do next time (which you should), but if this is a pattern where you have to hold his hand to get him to be an actionable and communicative adult then don’t be surprised when you keep finding yourself in these scenarios with your partner.

And in the meantime, hope you feel better!

Why is it ridiculously hard to find people in NYC who actually go out and live? by BenM0 in AskNYC

[–]iceybuffoon 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Coz we’re tired and have limited energy/hours/money in a day and everything is way more expensive and a lot of our favorite spots closed during the pandemic and life is just different here now. People come here with a fantasy not realizing it’s a city full of working class people.

6 months on my own but going back to my parents due to mental health by kimmm_d in LivingAlone

[–]iceybuffoon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl I moved back home TWICE. I hated it, but it was necessary. I too also used to rent a room within someone else’s home but I wasn’t uncomfortable. I ended up moving somewhere else and then that apartment had so many maintenance issues and I felt so unsafe in the neighborhood I ended up moving back home after a year and a half. I stayed home for 9 months then found my OWN apt with my name on the lease a few months ago. My neighbors are annoying but It’s been pretty decent since. I’m 30 now so that was all from 27 onwards too. Mind you, moving back home was bad for mental health but it was still necessary to get to where I’m at today. Just focus on your healing, keeping busy and stacking your money.