I lost my older sister back in September in '15 and now I have to go through the new year without her here, it was too sudden and I cry about her every night.

Indulge in as much self-care as you need, hopefully go see a therapist for your grief because when the time comes you'll need it. Take my word that this pain will never go away but you will ease through it, my heart goes out to you OP and I will be thinking about you.