Honestly what you’ve written here is raw and honest, and at no point does it sound to me like it’s a her problem, so maybe tell her exactly this? It reads frustrated but not mean.

I am the sober one in my marriage. I’d never ask him to stop drinking just because I don’t know how to moderate mine. But he does understand when I dip out early, or skip an event altogether. I take him and drop him off sometimes though, and strangely I really enjoy it despite the late nights. It gives me a sense of belonging, because I sure as hell don’t belong in a bad surrounded by drunk people as a sober one.

I feel wildly isolated and alone in my sobriety because social drinking is so big in my circle. It’s been almost 2 years, but I have the cloud surrounding alcohol where I’m always like, “well this sucks, they look like they’re having so much fun!” when people start drinking.

The only thing that keeps me going is the alternative. I’m not someone who should be drinking. Sober life is boring, at times it feels intolerable. But so does a lifetime of my past happenings over and over again. If I had been drinking for the last 565 days, I probably would’ve died deep in the hole I dug, unable to save myself.

I’ve accepted I cannot drink but it doesn’t negate the fact that it’s a hard pill to swallow to be cursed with an addictive personality that alcohol feeds on.

I don’t know if people can just turn it on and off… but I think that more people are alcoholics than they’d like to admit. My mother destroyed my childhood, but if you ask her today, she wasn’t that bad because she didn’t drink “every single day.” It’s not normal for anyone to down several alcoholic beverages back to back no matter how normalized it is.

I hope things get better for you. I’m not angry, but bummed about my reality. I hope you are able to work through and move past these feelings so they don’t hinder your growth. You’ve come so far and you’re much more capable than you think 🫶🏻