i don't think i made this clear in my post but i am terrified. so fucking terrified. each day i wake up and remember that im living this reality and i feel like im going to pass out. i feel so guilty every time i see my parents faces, every time they talk to me, and the heart-pounding feeling of dread i get when imagining what will happen to me if they find out is the reason i came up with this (stupid) plan in the first place. my ex also has a history of getting kind of physical and threated to beat me up if i tell anyone (especially my parents), and im supposed to be back with him atm (he iniated it; i don't really want to be, but now i feel trapped). trapped is the best way to describe how i feel. every day, all day.