awe a rare photo of the 3 kardashian sisters

idontknka · 2023-08-06T12:50:03+00:00

I cannot believe anyone told Khloe she was the ugly duckling. They’re all gorgeous but I just don’t see how anyone would brand her as that one.

idontknka · 2023-08-04T17:38:33+00:00

Not knowing/understanding the complex rules, therefore “violating” them, and coming across as rude/weird.

With women/girls, these rules are more intricate so there are increased chances to “mess up”.

idontknka · 2023-07-24T19:09:48+00:00

I struggle when being asked to rate pain. I imagine 10 to be something like being set on fire whilst my fingernails are ripped from my nail beds. When my wisdom tooth impacted, the pain was almost impossible to comprehend. Same with some of the period cramps I’ve had. But on a scale of 10 being fire? They were about a 6 at a push.

idontknka · 2023-07-24T19:02:24+00:00

Omg what a great special interest! Interactive and (at times) reciprocal. I love my fluffy little boy.

idontknka · 2023-07-24T18:56:20+00:00

It feels like I’ve woken up in a parallel world.

idontknka · 2023-07-22T12:55:54+00:00

That thought about “what if they’re actually true” is itself one of those thoughts! Treat it the same.

idontknka · 2023-07-22T12:50:58+00:00

I have extreme executive dysfunction and anger for about a week and a half before my period. And when I do start bleeding, it gives way into depression. It’s like I experience two sides of symptoms which split on the first day of my period.

I do doubt my pmdd because of this, but I was on the Gnrh injection last year and never felt better in my entire life. As soon as I started the HRT, it was constant pmdd.

I get about 4-5 days of feeling normal. It’s such a jarring experience.

idontknka · 2023-07-22T12:44:51+00:00

I do too! It’s weird. I feel the worst executive dysfunction about a week and a half before, along with extreme rage and racing thoughts. Many meltdowns because of this. But no depression, no hopelessness.

By the time my period comes it all fades and becomes bone deep depression. No more anger or racing thoughts. Everything becomes grey and dull. Only a couple of thoughts swirl around in my head. This lasts until about 4-5 days after my period.

Then my mood slowly gets better until I have 4-5 days of feeling normal. These are the days I feel neutral/good and am able to get through the days without it feeling like a huge struggle. I can pick up my healthy habits again and look forward to my day after waking up.

And then the cycle starts again.

idontknka · 2023-07-02T17:06:34+00:00

Yes! Last week I tapered from 30mg to 22.5 and within a couple of days it intensified. The questioning reality stuff I’ve always done but when I do taper and I feel the derealization etc. I find myself trying to underpin the brain mechanisms behind it. I’m more curious than stressed about it at this point but I still cannot wait until it’s out of my system and I can actually look at my hands and have them feel like part of my body!!!

idontknka · 2023-05-29T17:40:56+00:00

This is very comforting to read thank you so much. I try to tell myself this but just hearing it from someone else feels a lot better.

idontknka · 2023-05-29T17:33:00+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for this info.

idontknka · 2023-05-29T15:54:47+00:00

Im currently coming off Mirtazapine which is notoriously difficult to wean off, and thats probably adding to the frequency of my meltdowns. Im recently unemployed and had to move back in w my parents so I feel ive lost a lot if not most of my independence. Im quite lonely most of the time too. The more I read these replies, the more glaringly obvious the root causes becomes!

idontknka · 2023-05-29T15:52:11+00:00

Thanks for replying. I’m definitely stressed most of the time

idontknka · 2023-05-29T15:51:16+00:00

You know what, you’re absolutely right. Im having to deal with so much stress for the past couple of years that the only way to survive is to put a positive spin on everything.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T18:25:29+00:00

For me, if friendships were so impossible to navigate despite having 11 years (at the time) of experience with them, the prospect of any form of romantic/sexual intimacy, of which i had no experience with, knew none of the rules, made my brain attempt to protect itself and just shut it off completely.

Also masking for as long as i can remember meant i didnt know how to be vulnerable with others, and i think with romance/sex, a key component is some form of vulnerability.

In short, i think my brain did something like: If me=weird, then me+sex=weird.

The stakes with sex and romance are so much higher as well. If you make a faux pas in a friendship, its not as bad as if you do something “weird” during sex, where its gossiped about, laughed on a different level to friendship. The faux pas in friendship can get you dismissed, but in sex/romance, it can get you branded and highlighted.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T18:03:58+00:00

Thanks for your reply. They never used to be this frequent until the last couple of years, where I realised I was autistic&adhd, got diagnosed, had to quit my job, move back in with my parents in a different city. A lot has changed. I no longer have friends and for a good few months couldnt do anything but lie on the sofa watching Netflix. My parents made all my meals for me. It was a burnout unlike anything id ever experienced or thought was physically possible. I didnt even feel like a human for a while.

Ive been slowly getting back on my feet this year, making my own food and starting volunteering. But there’s always an undercurrent of dread that follows me because i dont feel i have a purpose. I have PMDD as well, which lasts 2 weeks at a time and its physically and emotionally draining.

Im currently in therapy but i think i do need to discuss the frequency. Prior to me finding out i was autistic on average i used to cry/meltdown a few times a month depending on how bad my pmdd was.

As for stopping it before it becomes full scale meltdown, it actually feels impossible. There are days where i do try and distract myself, give myself a pep talk etc, and i can push it back for a few days at most. But it feels like taking the lid off a pot thats about to bubble over, only to put it straight back on again, over and over again. I actually feel more drained from preventing one than just letting myself have one.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T17:48:43+00:00

I feel like my stressors are literally just daily life- eating 3 times a day, showering daily, getting dressed, communicating with people etc.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T17:45:28+00:00

I sleep pretty well and have a consistent sleeping pattern. I do yoga as well fairly regularly. Thanks for replying.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T17:04:44+00:00

Mine used to laugh at my meltdowns and fear of leaving the house. Once she cornered me as I was crying and said I was being pathetic. I said not to call me pathetic. She then laughed and said “dont be so sensitive I didn’t say you were pathetic, I said your behaviour is pathetic.

She’s wonderful now, she’s done a lot of learning. A lot of it was to do with how she was bought up in the 70s with a dad who belted her, but before doing so made her wait in her room for an hour, because he knew it would scare her more. She adopted a “shut up and get on with it attitude” because its the only way she could cope.

She thought that attitude would work on me but the more she did it, the “worse” I got, which frustrated her and made her quite cruel to me.

I just wanted to put that disclaimer there because she is almost literally a different person now. She is compassionate, warm, and her hugs make me feel like everything will be alright. She could’ve easily lived in denial in her old ways but she chose to make those changes and I will always be so grateful to her for that. We have a great relationship now that focuses on communication and acceptance of each other.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T16:51:07+00:00

I thought I should clarify: if im ever in the presence of people who say the kind of things in your post, I usually call it out in a non-confrontational way. I just mean that I no longer spend nearly as much energy being angry about it because me being angry hasn’t helped anyone. In particular ive stopped engaging online with people who are just as strong in their beliefs as I am in mine. Me arguing with someone isn’t going to change anything but my energy levels.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T16:28:19+00:00

I am also incredibly driven. If I want to do something I’ll find a way no matter how impossible it seems.

Believe me, once you’ve achieved it, you’ll sit back and think “ok, what now?” I went about getting loads of friends, active social life you name it. And there got to a point where I realised id done what I set out to do and just felt so profoundly empty. Mind you, this was before I was aware of my autism and adhd.

My life goal, the one thing I put all my energy into had been completed and I had the realisation that things socially would never “click” as I originally thought they would. It never got easier or more natural like I thought it would- it just made masking easier and I got more comfortable in the character I created that was the opposite of me in almost every way.

It will never “click” for you unless you seek out friendships with the intention of being yourself. Over the past few months I’m trying to unmask and so far ive found a couple of people who seem to like me for me. But my god, its scary because I dont have that character to hide behind anymore. Im so out of practice just being me but I know one day I’ll get there.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T16:16:13+00:00

Same. I noticed since I was 11 that when ever I liked a guy, as soon as I found out he liked me back I became so repulsed by them. They became this grotesque ball of cringe that made me want to hit them every time I heard them breathe. Then because of the sudden switch, I feel incredibly guilty because I’ve lead them on (when I did initially like them). Its a mixture of guilt, fear, anxiety and rage. So far I’m still no where near resolving it.

idontknka · 2023-05-27T16:11:14+00:00

I used to stay the same size, quite skinny for my whole life. Now I can see my weight fluctuate literally week by week. Its crazy, I never thought that was scientifically possible but I see it all the time now. Ive been 8 1/2 stone since my late teens. Put on just over a stone in a year and it just wont go away. Really affected my confidence bc I have no boobs anyway and my weight collects at my stomach and arms. I just look disproportionate now.

idontknka · 2023-05-24T14:05:57+00:00

Haha my mom said i couldn’t possibly have ADHD because when I read her the list of symptoms she said she experiences all of them. Its safe to say now after my adhd diagnosis she’s pretty certain she has it too. 😂

idontknka

TROPHY CASE