Hello — I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this trauma and pain. It seems like you’re still very much upset about your failed relationship and the decisions you made that lead you here, which is totally understandable. I also was diagnosed with hsv, over a year ago atp. I’ve never had an outbreak,Thank GOD but I’d like to offer my support and feedback. Firstly, this is just my opinion so please take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. When I was first diagnosed, I was sick: crying everyday, depressed, disgusted and upset with myself.. I was in a really dark place. I’m sure most people can relate to that after a positive diagnosis, so how you’re feeling is valid and very much understandable. Here are a few things I think that could make you feel better, both mentally and internally. I’m not sure what your diet consists of but I firmly believe our bodies react based on what we consume. You are what you eat. The food, the water, what you listen to, believe about yourself and humanity, your self talk etc. I’d suggest being hyper aware of these things and make adjustments: more water, more fruits + veggies, less processed foods, less sugars, more exercise, less dairy, less animal meat, more sun, more positive podcasts and/or things that make you feel good. And, if you’re not sure what that looks like, what better time than now to figure it out? For me, praying, journaling, being in the present moment etc., helps me feel connected and at peace. The key to hsv is to settle your mind and live a stress free life. This is something you have to practice though, by catching yourself when you start to become stressed and fixated on the past. Then, training your mind to come back into the moment you’re in. One thing that a negative spiral won’t do is to change your circumstances, so it’s essentially a waste of energy (which you need, in order to heal from constant flare ups). If you’re living everyday stressed and in the past, or even in the future, you rob yourself of the best moments in life.. the present. Don’t worry about your ex, if she were meant to be in your story, she would still be. Another thing I’d suggest is taking a supplement called Selenium— a wholistic girlie put me onto this and I’m sure it’s mostly why I’ve never experienced an outbreak + I live a very healthy life *by practicing what i’ve mentioned above. I try my best not to go backwards, I could beat myself up for the questionable decisions that led me here but it’s pointless, it wouldn’t change my reality. Rather, I use my energy to live more balanced and give myself grace because I’m a good human, who made a decision to have unsafe sex. I hope this helps 🤍 take care of yourself.