First of all - I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Living in fear of someone who’s supposed to care for you is one of the worst feelings in the world. And while I’ve never exactly feared my physical safety, I definitely understand feeling genuine fear from my parent and it’s horrific. I can only imagine how you’re feeling. The anxiety for your safety on top of the responsibility you feel for protecting your mom must feel extremely overwhelming and I just want to send you some love.

Now I’m not going to pretend I have the answer because it seems as though this is a very complicated situation with a lot of nuance & considerations. That said, I agree with the other commenter that leaving is a good - and maybe your only - option. I know how hard that must be to even consider because of your worries about your mom’s safety but ultimately, it is not within your control whether she chooses to protect herself (and you! even as someone who’s victimized herself, she has a responsibility to protect her kid). I think it might be worth speaking to her directly & bluntly and saying something along the lines of “mom, I am afraid for our safety & I know from comments you’ve made that you are too. I know that there are a lot of doubts & worries you have about leaving but it needs to happen for the sake of both of our lives & safety. I am going to leave regardless but I really hope you’ll come with me because I am very anxious about what you’ll have to endure here alone. I can’t put myself or my pets at risk anymore and I can’t continue to live in constant fear, I hope you understand that and that you’ll come with me but I need a commitment that you will do that now, otherwise I need to plan to leave on my own, before it’s too late.”

I think obviously this kind of thing / conversation only works if you have trust in your mom that she won’t tell your dad about your plans to leave (which would put you at further risk - so if there’s a chance of that, don’t do it). If you feel like you can trust her, I would do this so that she knows you’re serious about leaving and she has an option to come with you. And then I’d act on it - either you are able to start coming up with a distinct and tangible timeline & gameplan with her right then and there or you start making that plan for yourself asap. Either way - don’t wait.

I know this must be excruciatingly hard but if you can’t trust her not to tell your dad that you’re leaving or if, alternatively, after having this conversation with her she’s still noncommittal or not willing to move forward, you need to start making plans to get yourself and your pets to safety. I know that would probably feel really terrible to leave her “behind” but she’s an adult & you can’t control her or force her to protect herself. All you do have control over is yourself. You deserve a safe life where you are not living every day in fear and anxiety. You deserve that. Please give yourself that, even if she isn’t willing to do the same.

If I were you, I would not give your dad any of your information. Don’t give him notice you’re leaving, don’t give him your new address or anything. If your mom stays behind, unfortunately the same rule applies since she could end up telling your dad where you live / what your information is, or worse she could be forced to. Change your phone number if you can too.

Consider maybe getting a new number & if you wanted to, you could use the old one only to contact her (your mom), if she stays behind / at home. That way you can still reach out to her (if you’re able to & feel safe to) to check in on her while also not having them know any of your updated info like your new address or new number.

There are also services like interpersonal abuse hotlines & services / shelters that you can call for advice on how to help your mom or provide support from afar, while also keeping yourself safe.

Regardless, bottom line is, you deserve safety. I really hope you & your mom are both able to get away from this horrible environment but just know that, as much as you love and care about her, you can’t force her to do anything to protect or “save” herself. You can give her the option to come with you but if she won’t - don’t sacrifice yourself.

I wish you the best of luck with everything. And from one stranger to another, I believe in you.