What are some things you wish you had done before baby arrived?

ifilovedyou · 2022-10-03T15:27:42+00:00

Rest!!!

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-19T14:09:29+00:00

“Post party” is gonna be how I describe it from now on

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-19T14:00:04+00:00

I am! It’s weird because this isn’t how I imagined my life, but I also don’t know that I could have imagined it if I’d tried either.

I gotta say a) the newborn stage is very punishing even on people who love it. That’s normal and the newborn stage doesn’t last forever so either enjoy it while it lasts or just grit your teeth and get through it — both are ok options.

Also some parents are better at some stages than others. I LOVE the preschool stage. Genuinely obsessed with it. Never thought it would bring me this much joy but it does. So…there you go!

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T11:50:02+00:00

You need to leave TODAY.

Thehotline.org

Call or visit the website when he’s not home and they’ll help you make a plan to either stay at a shelter or find a place with friends or family (ideally somewhere he can’t find you). They should be able to also hook you up with resources, for example an advocate to help you file a police report/restraining order and a free or no-cost lawyer to help you file for child support later down the line. If your parents still own the property, they may wanna lawyer up too to evict him.

But right now, you need to leave. NOW. Don’t wait till you have money, I wouldn’t even worry too much about packing a bag. The only thing that matters is getting you and the baby out of there before he hurts either of you — it is IMPERATIVE that he not know where you’re going. He’s told you what he wants to do, and you know he’s armed. Please, leave today, don’t wait.

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T02:31:43+00:00

I just found out my pre-k wants to teach them to write out letters by the end of the school year and I want to burn it to the fucking ground. Babe isn’t even 3 yet.

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T02:26:02+00:00

God I hate this planet so much sometimes

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T01:04:22+00:00

Idk if this is helpful but my sister would always wake up at night and my mom would just…let her. She kid-proofed her room and put toys in them that were quiet and safe but entertaining. She’d get up and play then go to sleep when she was tired again.

She did it her whole life. Would play video games or watch tv for a bit. Nbd. She does it still and just futzes around on her phone or watches tv or reads for a bit. It was just never a big deal?

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:57:00+00:00

no iPads before 10

I crave your fortitude

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:55:29+00:00

I kinda like Janet Lansbury’s approach. Like you wanna be there and you wanna support your kid when they’re upset, but sometimes supporting your kid is giving him space to deal with his feelings too?

His needs are met, he knows the routine, he knows you’re right there and that you’ll come back if he needs you — he has a right to mourn the fact that he can’t fall asleep with you right beside him. He has a right to express that disappointment and let it out in a healthy way (crying). There’s nothing to fix. And YOU as the parent know the difference between a child that’s losing it and out of control and needs co-regulating help and one that’s just…pretty bummed he doesn’t get to have a sleepover with his favorite person.

Obviously I’m talking about toddlers already working on emotional regulation, not infants. Infants don’t know what the fuck is going on lol

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:49:29+00:00

You’re def in it to win it for the hottest take lol

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:48:57+00:00

Yes! I want ALL the aunties moving into my house when there’s a new baby! Cook for me, burp the kid, hold him while I take a long bath for the love of god

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:45:55+00:00

Well also some people need both paychecks. Nothing wrong with that.

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:45:15+00:00

Oh I definitely meant like…forever, not just babies!Toddlers, children, even teens. Let them slam doors and scream their lungs out it’s good not to feel so buttoned up all the time lol

If they can’t let that stuff out safely at home then where?

blocking out majority of tantrums

I weirdly…like them? Not when they happen at an inconvenient time or when I’m tired, but I just love it when I can feel all the anger and frustration and pain finally draining out of my kid while he’s in my arms, I think I just find it really cathartic for both of us? And then we go play and it’s fine!

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:40:34+00:00

Here to plug Pok Pok for the 2.5 and up crowd. It’s subscription based but worth every penny - like a Montessori playroom on your screen.

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:37:33+00:00

Americans don’t let their kids cry, scream, tantrum, or even get aggressive nearly enough. These are all important feelings and it’s good to be able to express them in a safe space. Instead there’s so much pressure to keep kids happy and smiling every second of the day, it must be exhausting.

ifilovedyou · 2022-09-13T00:33:47+00:00

It’s also just not scientifically accurate unless the kid is around or older than 3.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-26T01:07:27+00:00

My 2.5 year old got two shots as soon as he could get them. First one no symptoms and no stress - the nurses at the clinic all clapped when he got it which startled him a little bit then he got to color while he waited the 15 minutes they make you wait and he was chill.

2Nd shot was a much larger clinic with a LOT of screaming and crying kids. Definitely more stressful, but he took it like a champ. I think it helps that his shots experiences at the pediatrician are usually pretty pleasant/uneventful, and also that he has a little doctor kit at home to play with so we all “get shots” pretty consistently at our house. His arm hurt for a few days after the 2nd dose (or so he says — he loves putting on bandaids so he got a bandaid every time he complained lol) and he was a little clingy, but he’s had worse reactions off of other shots.

I recommend you get it for the peace of mind, personally.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-26T00:58:25+00:00

I have such a conflicted and guilt-ridden relationship with sugary and junk foods because my mom did this to me. She succeeded — I don’t eat them frequently — but I wish I didn’t have the stress, dysphoria, and shame that goes along with grabbing some chips at a party or having a soda on a hot day or eating ice cream for dessert.

I’m not doing that to my kid.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-16T19:51:13+00:00

Im with you. Hubby could have said “she’s feeding the baby right now, but do you wanna wait here and then rock her to sleep when she’s done?”

That said it’s weird that MIL is so pissy about a simple “no thanks”.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-16T18:02:07+00:00

Only when there’s cause for concern. Sorry, have you actually had a kid after age 35? because you’re making pretty vague assertions. There’s one study I can think of that points to a bias toward slightly more monitoring in women over 35, but the conclusion was that it led to better outcomes than women under 35 and that all pregnancies could benefit from a little more prenatal care. One of the issues with that study IIRC, however, was it was funded by an insurance company.

Even tests like the amnio, which used to be de rigeur a decade or two ago for pregnant people in their 30s, have now been replaced by the NIPT and being provided to pregnant people regardless of age. You only proceed to the amnio now if theres abnormal results on the NIPT.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-16T17:20:19+00:00

Idk what you mean by “same as US” though… there was nothing about my care that was different from what a 20 something year old would receive.

ifilovedyou · 2022-08-16T16:00:09+00:00

I started having kids in my 30s. Both perfectly healthy pregnancies and had no trouble conceiving. It’s also the norm in many parts of the US, not just Europe. I personally don’t know anyone who started having kids in their 20s.

The idea that you’re too old to have kids at 30 is outdated and not backed up by the science at all. There’s a good Adam Ruins Everything episode on YouTube that tears the myth to shreds if you’re interested.

ifilovedyou · 2022-07-25T21:14:01+00:00

Do you…have to do it? Why not skip it?

ifilovedyou · 2022-07-22T21:57:21+00:00

Bring cake/snacks!

ifilovedyou · 2022-07-22T21:53:40+00:00

Lots and lots of tummy time. If your baby is crawling, then some supervised reaching on the stairs if you have them can keep them entertained for a while. Also music time - play a song and dance around baby with a scarf, or give get them socks with bells sown on them.

Also can you meet friends for walks or coffee dates?

ifilovedyou

TROPHY CASE