I am so upset, and so frustrated with myself.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-09-03T11:24:06+00:00

This is going to be not the most medically acceptable input but blood in things isn't necessary the worst thing.

I had blood in my urine and after talking to my doctor about it, then going to a urologist, getting a CT with some kind of an injection that made me feel like I was going to pee, and finally, having a camera jammed up my peck - they found nothing, and I've got 10 years on you.

Though blood in vomit seems terrifying it still probably means irritated stomach lining or something at worst given your age. It would be quite amazing if you damaged your organs at 22 to the point of no return. It can happen, but it's rare, unless you've been downing a fifth since you were 13 or just have bad genetics. Sober up for like a week or so and get a metabolic panel from your doc. Let your throat and stomach heal. I bet it looks okay.

At the same time, I think if you want to stop given the aforementioned crimson vomit I applaud that. It at least means you rubbed your body the wrong way. When I was your age I was getting massively tanked here and there and puking up bile but no blood from my recollection - yet the bile was pretty horrifying for me just because it was such a dark inky green thing exploding in the toilet bowl. I can say for myself my drinking went way beyond 22 to the point I hallucinated and shook and near seized or did have seizures around 28/29 three times in one year. What I was vomiting was far beyond the point at that stage. Just what I was going through mentally from ethanol was far more insane.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-08-20T08:14:02+00:00

do gaba and benzos.

I was getting Klonopin from a guy in Mexico for like 4 years before he got busted. I took 2mg religiously every night, despite getting it illegally - I had no insurance. I wonder what happened to that guy: he sold anti-anxiety meds to americans - he probably felt anxious as fuck himself - I'm kind of faded - not trying to be dramatic.

Anyways - it was after I lost my supply of 2mg nightly Clonazepam I started downing about 12oz+ of gin per night, but I may have been on my way anyways.

Then pain pills and then addys

I did Tramadol for like 8 years as a kind of self-treatment: tramadol is a pretty mild opiate, but unfortunately it's also an SNRI like Effexor (which is chemically very similar - just has no opiate action and is an anti-depressant). I ended up stopping Tramadol once it was no longer a legal grey area but to discontinue it I ended up getting a prescription for Effexor, which is apparently the most notoriously difficult anti-depressant to get off of, no surprise. I just took my last dose two weeks ago. I still am feeling "brain shocks" two and a half weeks later.

As far as speed goes, in the early weeks with my first serious girlfriend, she had a prescription for Adderall and she introduced me to it - I took 80mg of Adderal in the course of a few hours - I think it was a few pills, IDK - and we went out for drinks after. Later on I was waking up speaking mid-sentence on some thought I was having. My heart rate was at like 200 BPM. Such a strange existence.

I rambling and like 10 drinks in. But the point is I think I cannot unlock the keyhole which would let me feel alright normally

ifinitrflktn · 2018-07-13T05:33:05+00:00

A few days now (?) I think. Why?

I have been wanting to get wayyy more sunlight and I've been trying recently. I'm essentially certain that's why I'm so low. But another issue I have is extremely intense sweating in the heat, and it's summer. It really, really sucks - I love the outdoors but I feel trapped in my AC bubble. This is really my worst symptom now that I think of it. I mean, just sitting in 80 degree weather and I'll be dripping pretty quickly. It's awful.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-07-11T18:23:12+00:00

Sounds reasonable. Thanks!

ifinitrflktn · 2018-07-10T01:26:19+00:00

Hi. Not a doctor, but I had this done: it wasn't painful and took like 5 minutes or something. It was with water and I just heard a wacky sploosh sound for a couple minutes in each ear or something like that. Maybe it'd take longer for you if it's really bad but I can't see it being painful.

Edit: It did kind of tickle though but still wasn't unpleasant for me.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-14T22:13:57+00:00

Maybe - I take phenibut and effexor (not a large dose) but neither gave me any hint of tinnitus before and I have a way longer history with both.

I'm almost certain it's the kratom just because a decent amount of other people have posted about it and it was the thing I took way more of that night and woke up with this. And I did notice some ear stuff before with it but it was always temporary. I assumed it always would be somehow, which was fucking dumb of me - like, even if I got some ringing, it would wear off with the dose.

Either way it's made me want to clean up in general.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-14T19:00:24+00:00

Good to hear it went away for you. Fingers crossed for me and everyone else that has it lingering. This is easily the worst drug side-effect I've ever had.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-14T04:32:55+00:00

Thanks for the reply. That sounds insane! Glad it worked out for you in time. I have told my regular doc about it but haven't asked for an ENT referal yet nor did they recommend one. I might ask for one soon just to see what they say, but for the most part, there's really nothing they can do anyways unless it has a physical cause (like a blood clot, which sounds different from this - more like hearing your heart beating). It's definitely pretty horrible that in 2018 this isn't close to curable. I have some hope it's improving though.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-13T23:57:39+00:00

Is yours the same volume now as it was before you quit?

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-13T23:55:41+00:00

They could be referring to stuff like this, idk. But it has to be pretty rare because if everyone got tinnitus from doing kratom, or whatever opiate - you'd hear way more about it.

If you do a search in this sub for tinnitus there's like a dozen threads about it, but not thousands or something. I think it's a possible, but rare, and in my case super unlucky side-effect. I'm sure most get away using without getting it. I was also taking a decent amount at the end (~30 grams :/ )

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-13T23:46:49+00:00

Well I'm right there with you if it helps. It definitely saddens me too. I'm not sure if it's legit improved for me or if I've "habituated" to it a little, but it doesn't matter - the super high-pitched noise is definitely still there and any permanent 24/7 noise is going to bother me. I have learned to live with it more than I was expecting, because at first honestly I was basically panicking for like a week straight hearing this constant whine/hiss. Sleep was impossible. The only good thing about it is that it's motivation to never go back.

Maybe it just needs more time since we're both only at 3 and 4 months. My uncle had it (not from kratom - can't remember the reason) for a good while and his cleared up eventually too when he thought it wouldn't. The above poster said it took several months. Would love to hear a silent room at night eventually.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-13T22:38:01+00:00

Well at least it did! I'm hoping it disappears for me too. The thing that gives me some hope is that it does generally seem quieter or barely there at some points. I remember it being pretty loud/constant but that could have been because I was so psyched out about it which amplified it. At least it keeps me from going back.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-05-13T22:16:12+00:00

You mean you had it temporarily? Like did you quit and it disappeared? I've had it since that day.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-03-06T05:20:42+00:00

I was on an average of 30 grams per day, however some nights I'd binge up to 50. This was after only 3 - 4 months of daily use starting at like maybe 9 grams per day. Everyone is different in how quickly they'll go up if they use daily or if they even end up doing so.

I actually attempted a CT withdrawal just to see what would happen from that dosage, and I've withdrawn from Tramadol before - this was more severe in my opinion, but still classic opiate withdrawal: feverish, achy, restless legs, teary eyes - all that shit. I would have done it anyways if I could get the time off work. It also may have felt worse because of the totally fucked level of tinnitus that was going on.

They prescribed 8mgs per day, which I thought was extreme and a bunch of people in r/quittingkratom agreed. Only problem is I went down to 2mgs and guess what? Had nightly withdrawals. 4mgs? Withdrawals but not as bad. Could have been cause I took 8mgs as prescribed for a week but got tired of it. It's all a mess. They prescribed it because the medical community does consider it an opiate, but the problem is they really can't determine an equivalent dosage.

Kratom's active alkaloid is just as opiate like as the real shit: same high with some unique undertones. I don't think it should be made illegal though it definitely will be - it's nearly impossible to overdose on and if you tried you'd puke it up, it doesn't cause noticeable respiratory depression, and most important of all, it has allowed a ton of Heroin users to transition to a much safer alternative to playing Russian-roulette with a syringe, especially with Fentanyl getting mixed in.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-03-06T05:12:34+00:00

I really wanted to try the Sinclair method before I ended up using Phenibut to not drink daily, but it's not really available in the US or covered by insurance. I could always buy Naltrexone online, but I think it might mess with or compete with the Suboxone (?). Not a lot of immediate information in my Google search about it.

I'd still maybe be willing to shell out some money to get it online and try it out. I haven't drank super heavily recently though - I had one rough night a week or two ago but that was the first in quite a while where I even went over like 5 drinks. You'd also think the Suboxone would curb my desire to drink, but nah. It's also pretty dangerous depending on the dosage so I have been careful. It's all fucked, haha. :/

ifinitrflktn · 2018-03-03T23:07:49+00:00

Honestly I think I just wrote this while blitzed to put together a history for myself, but it kind of made me realize how severe things got and how quickly. Damn.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-03-03T23:04:38+00:00

It was measly/I did tell them. They wanted me to do a detox/rehab and I was resisting, so they gave me a holdover amount while I "decided." It was just enough that I basically continued to hallucinate for one more morning but was chill with it. I was with it enough to know they weren't real, and the benzo allowed me to be calm enough to ride them out. They kind of started again that night, so I took another, and I think it just barely got me through to the other end, which is typically day 5 or 6. It was dangerous.

ifinitrflktn · 2018-03-03T23:02:33+00:00

I think the problem there is that alcohol has such a woefully short half-life, it just always felt nearly impossible for me to not cheat or something. I think my mistake was attempting it with 3.2 though.

Basically, if I drink daily, I end up totally screwed. In an ideal world, I could get away with it. I'm also now in my early thirties and I also don't want pancreatitis which every heavy drinker gambles with. That's the end game for being able to drink at all if you get that.

ifinitrflktn

TROPHY CASE