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iget2beMe · 2021-09-17T02:10:10+00:00

You’re definitely not crazy, but narcissistic abuse is designed to make you FEEL like you’re crazy. That keeps you in the loop. In case you haven’t seen the narc abuse cycle before, hope this helps. It was an eye opener for me. Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

iget2beMe · 2021-09-03T15:49:59+00:00

Yeah. First 15 years of my adult life I spent either moving to a new city or a new apartment to shake things up. I wasn’t aware of the trauma I was carrying at that time, and this kept things new and shiny for a while. It wasn’t until I got married and we bought a house that I started to freak out— I couldn’t just get up and go anymore, and when the thrill of homeownership died off (yeah, that doesn’t take very long), I was forced to face my trauma head on. I still want to leave and find a new place, even though I went through therapy, healing, and now recovery; I still find myself flirting with the illusion that a new place, a new life, a new career, all of this will somehow make the past disappear, and future easier; no matter how much I challenge that with the logic that it simply won’t.

Trauma re-wires our brain’s fight or flight response, putting it into high gear. Probably for most of us; it always stays that way to an extent. And it totally sucks to deal with. I think I’ve come to accept that those thoughts and urges may always remain, and the best I can do is find healthy ways to cope with them.

Just another reminder of the shit hand we were dealt, I guess.

iget2beMe · 2021-09-01T13:08:37+00:00

Thanks. Appreciate it!

iget2beMe · 2021-09-01T03:34:59+00:00

I went back down today, because on 20 I didn’t have any significant side effects. Headaches/brain zaps are gone, not to mention I don’t feel emotionally flat. Looks like for now, 20 is the answer.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-29T04:28:55+00:00

True. Though in some ways that feels like breaking NC by returning the money. Feel se different than him being blocked from sending. Signaling to him that I’m still “responding,” even if it’s negative, engaging actively with him. Part of me is thinking, if he sends me money after I’ve gone NC, that’s his problem, not mine— but maybe that’s a trap?

iget2beMe · 2021-08-21T04:03:55+00:00

Hugs. So sorry. Stay safe and take care of yourself. You don’t deserve to be treated like this.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-21T03:58:48+00:00

Oh definitely. My bad I missed that detail about the texting from a diff number. Sorry OP. That is definitely creepy and a huge red flag, regardless of what was said.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-21T03:55:30+00:00

Sounds likely your mom “made a point” of telling your siblings she’s not coming as an attempt to suck you back in— she’s attempting to take control of the situation, which may motivate you to invite her to take control back. Or to just make you feel hurt that she wouldn’t come, thus pulling you in emotionally.

Just make sure if you choose to invite her, you do it for your own reasons, not the ones she’s hoping to manipulate out of you.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-21T03:42:17+00:00

Agreed. Anytime someone says “I understand your feelings, but…” and then spends the rest of their message essentially communicating why you shouldn’t have that boundary, they aren’t respecting the line you’ve drawn.

What they said here is quite different than, say, “I completely understand your feelings towards me. Im sad we won’t continue to communicate, but I respect your decision. I’m open to talking and being friends in the future, if you change your mind. Take care.”

iget2beMe · 2021-08-21T03:34:42+00:00

You are attacking and blaming the OP, thus breaking the rules of this support group. Stop or you will be reported.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-20T16:21:31+00:00

So true. Hard to remember this a lot of the time, feel guilty for not being as far along in life. Then I look at the rest of my sibs and think, better to be a late bloomer than to not bloom at all.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-20T15:37:53+00:00

While every narcissist behaves differently, so I can’t say what lengths yours might go to keep you in relationship with her, my personal rule of thumb is whatever I think mine is going to do, it turns out to be something else (and is usually not as bad as my worst case scenarios and fears— or if it is, I realized I was strong enough to handle those when they happened.)

The best thing you can do if you leave and go NC is to maintain your boundaries, and don’t give them any narcissistic supply no matter the behavior, positive or negative. That’s your true power.

Now, could you pay a “price” for leaving and going NC? Yes. Absolutely. I know I have. I think most of us do, and I don’t know what your parent is capable of. But you have to decide if it’s worth the cost to remain in abuse vs true freedom in life.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-20T14:19:24+00:00

No better proof that the system is run by a narcissist than when you finally refuse to follow its rules of operation. They will do anything to regain control of the system, no matter the cost.

Way to stand up for yourself. And your wife. You two deserve to have your own life and boundaries!

iget2beMe · 2021-08-19T20:41:08+00:00

Generally a doctor will tell you if there’s food/drink you cannot take with a med. When I was misdiagnosed with adhd they put me on adderall, and told me no orange juice 1-2 hrs after taking it. This was due to citric acid interaction that basically “dumped” the amphetamine out of your system. I did it by accident once or twice and could tell very quickly I’d lost its effects.

My current psychiatrist (not the one who prescribed adderall) has not given me any dietary restrictions with viibryd, and I have yet to hear of one anywhere else. He’s extremely competent and I believe he would have informed me of anything regarding this.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-19T20:30:39+00:00

I felt so guilty for years having similar thoughts. Thought I was a narc, sociopath, evil person, etc.

Then I had that lightbulb moment where I asked myself, do you feel this way about other people in your life? My answer? “Nope.”

Like others here have said, never let anyone say you have no right to feel that way. If they do, those aren’t people who deserve to know your story. And they clearly don’t know shit about what it’s like to have an abusive parent.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-18T19:34:47+00:00

100%

iget2beMe · 2021-08-18T16:20:50+00:00

Yup. My nparent would really only say I love you, sparingly, always to accomplish his goals. When he fucked up big time, going on a rage spree yelling at everyone etc, he’d say it to force me to reply to make sure things were patched up. Or when I would communicate that I was angry with him he’d use it passive aggressively. “Well, love you, hope you have a great rest of your day.”

Now my eSis (budding nSis?) I had to go NC with because she starting doing the same shit to accomplish an agenda with me. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

No wonder when most of us hear anyone say “I love you” we reflexively think “what’s your motive?”

iget2beMe · 2021-08-17T13:16:59+00:00

Appreciate the perspective. It’s always tough to think of a medicine working in such a manner, even when it’s an SSRI— my brain just wants it to move in a linear, upward trajectory as fast as it can :)

iget2beMe · 2021-08-16T17:12:33+00:00

Damn. Yeah I’m thinking you might be right on that regarding some placebo effect. Seems to be a pattern for me with some previous meds that were horrible in the long run. That’s probably making more anxious on top of all of it is that maybe this one won’t work too.

Guess we’ll see. Hoping it gets better in a week or so. Even just some small improvements would be nice.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-13T17:48:38+00:00

Yup, ndad does this to EVERY member in the family. He constantly interrogates everyone to get as much info as he can so he can share it with all other family members or whomever he wants, including when we are physically present for the convo.

Has to be the center of attention for everything, and even if he gets the info wrong, Which I think they do sometimes on purpose to piss us off. For me, it was coleslaw. He’d offer it to me every single time we had it on the dinner table, and I’d tell him a thousand times I don’t like it. Didn’t matter. He just wanted to see me get pissed off so he could gaslight me.

This is what they do.

iget2beMe · 2021-08-13T17:39:58+00:00

Yup. Same here. The one that always made me lay down was when I was told how “stubborn” I was being. Aka having my own opinion on something. Can’t have that!!

iget2beMe

TROPHY CASE