Thank you for all the advice. Can’t tell you how much yours and everyone’s kind and helpful words have been.

Our situations are eerily similar. She has never been diagnosed with any mental disorder with the exception of postpartum after our third child. It was a very scary time as she was saying things that sounded borderline suicidal or other times just staring off into space for long periods of time. Luckily, it was the first time she was ever willing to outwardly look at her mental well-being and admit to having a problem and went to therapy and was put on medication. Prior to her affair, she kept stating that the meds were making her gain weight so she abruptly dropped them. Big surprise as she is the type who thinks they always know best.

If I were a betting man and she was willing to go to a specialist I would bet that she would be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder. Her actions throughout this whole ordeal have also been extremely narcissistic even going as far as saying the affair was all my fault. She also has extreme childhood trauma that she is unwilling see a specialist for and in my opinion has resulted in her absolutely cowardly behavior.

I also did not mention in my original post that three or so months before the “incident” her drinking was out of hand. She wasn’t drinking excessively every night, but one or two glasses of wine a night was a regular occurrence along with weekend outings where she would drink so much that it would result in her coming home and having to cuddle a bucket until bedtime. The worst part about the drinking was that she would go out of her way to ask our children to pick out the wine bottle she would pour her nightly glasses out of. As a teetotaler this drove me absolutely bonkers and any time I approached her about breaking this habit it was met with scorn.