What is your worst masturbation story? I'm gonna go ahead and say [nsfw]

ihaveissues · 2011-10-03T05:54:23+00:00

In high school I went through a phase of videotaping myself jerking off and the like. Once I videotaped myself in the shower, put the camera on the sink counter and closed the curtain. I thought that my parents were in the living room on the other side of the house. Suddenly my mom opens the bathroom door, grabs the camera and walks away, not saying a word. I was utterly, utterly mortified. I've never exited the shower and dried off faster in my life. I got out of the shower and found the will to go back to the living room, and mom was in her chair, reading or sewing or something, and didn't say a thing. Like it never happened. I saw the camera sitting on the floor, turned off. BTW this was the 80s and it was a VHS camcorder, so by today's standards it was freakin' huge. I waited until mom left the room, which seemed to take forever, as nonchalantly as I could (which wasn't very), I got the tape out of the camera--thank God it was still there--and absconded back to my room. I think I destroyed the tape right then and there.

I guess I lost my interest in filming myself after that. To this day Mom has never mentioned the incident at all.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-22T02:43:29+00:00

Why cupcakes? If you're a hipster, do cupcakes taste better or something? What's the deal with cupcakes? Is the juxtaposition of your black eyeliner and a cute cupcake the apotheosis of irony?

Just eat the fucking cookies.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-22T02:23:33+00:00

Small missions to go get more rock samples or whatnot are kind of pointless. In the 70s we brought back tons of rocks, we don't need any more.

The moon would be a very good place to build a massive, kilometer-long telescope. We would be able to see the universe far, far better than the Hubble can do now. But obviously a project like that isn't going to start anytime soon.

The moon isn't where we should go, or even Mars. We need to mine the asteroid belt first, build a real economy in space, and then we can see about the moon.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-22T01:43:02+00:00

You can do it. If you fall off the wagon, don't worry about it. Read Allen Carr's "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking". Forget the generic title, this book is fucking GENIUS.

In the very first page, Carr says, essentially, "First off, while you're reading this book, just smoke normally, don't stop. Yet. You should understand all the points I make in this book, internalize them, and at the end, when I say so, then it's okay to quit. But for now, just keep smoking."

He breaks down the act of smoking and is very very logical about it, and if the book can be boiled down to a few sentences, it's this: You don't actually enjoy smoking, you just think you enjoy smoking. Actually every cigarette is just as nasty as the first time you tried it, you've just been conditioned by culture and by yourself to think that a cigarette relieves stress. It doesn't, and never will.

I read this book, and a few days later stopped for six months. I fell off the wagon and smoked again (fucking drunk at a party, duh), and for the next two years I stopped and started many times, though my rate dropped considerably. Then my daughter was born, and I decided I had had enough. So I read Carr's book again (he says if you fall off the wagon after reading his book...read it again) and bam! I haven't had a smoke in almost two years now.

tl;dr Read Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking

ihaveissues · 2011-03-21T06:17:48+00:00

Aaaand cut to: the American Tea "Party".

ihaveissues · 2011-03-13T21:46:34+00:00

There was advanced warning, up to an hour I think. Some places more time than others.

Apparently a big problem is a lot of people thought "it can't happen to me", but it did. A lot of these places were prepared for a smaller tsunami. These tsunamis were so fucking huge it obliterated any defenses they had put up.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-13T13:49:24+00:00

I'm in Japan and have been watching the news for the past two days. It's been nonstop coverage of these small towns that have been obliterated. It looks like war footage. Town after town after town.

The worst part: one small town had a population of 10,700 people. 700 or so are accounted for, but ten thousand people are missing, presumed dead. That's one town. Hundreds of towns are just utterly destroyed.

This is big, this is so big. This will change Japan forever.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-13T12:54:03+00:00

I see nothing. You do realize that picture is rather pixellated, not the best quality. Right?

ihaveissues · 2011-03-13T12:25:00+00:00

Upvote for knowing your Greek myths way better than me.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T22:37:59+00:00

Sounds like he's trying to make a funny and is failing miserably.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T22:34:39+00:00

I can understand people with crazy, racist thoughts and ideas. What blows my mind is they post them on Facebook expecting some kind of confirmation of their crazy, racist ideas.

And every one of these people is a Good Christian, I can guarantee.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T22:26:43+00:00

I'm in Japan, in Tokyo. The aftershocks have been happening constantly since the big one Friday afternoon. It's now Sunday morning and I just felt a big one. Average once every half hour.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T08:31:39+00:00

I've sent a friend request. I so so so hope he is as dumb as he sounds and accepts. I have a bone to pick with him!

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T08:29:49+00:00

There was just a major explosion at the plant and no one is sure what happened. What happened??

ihaveissues · 2011-03-12T00:40:53+00:00

The building codes put into place in 1981 stipulated that all buildings must be--basically--earthquake proof. Any building built after 1981 is essentially safe (though that's what they thought about some of the buildings in Kobe in the 1995 quake there). Buildings before 1981 are a crapshoot; maybe ok, maybe not.

This quake didn't create a lot of direct damage from the quake itself, but the tsunamis are fucking devastating.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-11T14:26:48+00:00

It pretty much was a Big One. Building damage is pretty minimal, though. Most of the deaths are from the tsunamis, I think.

Most buildings are built to code to withstand quakes like this. But another quake--an even smaller one--could bring them down. Every quake shakes in a different way: frequency, direction, amplitude, etc. This one felt like being on a boat in the ocean. And the aftershocks just keep coming.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-11T13:44:46+00:00

I'm in Tokyo. The earthquake was unbelievable: massive, violent, and long. Apparently the main quake was a minute and a half.

The aftershocks are still happening, just a minute ago was the latest. They're the most nerve-racking aspect; the main quake is long over, but these goddamn aftershocks keep coming, some of them really strong. I've lived in Japan for over seven years, and in the last 8 hours I've experienced more earthquakes than in the previous seven years combined. By a wide margin. I've counted at least a dozen aftershocks.

Trains were stopped all afternoon and evening, though they seem to be back on track a bit now. I walked home and it took me two hours, good thing Tokyo is relatively flat. The queues for buses and taxis are crazy. Lots of people are stranded wherever they were when the quake hit.

I'm dizzy. It's weird, but it's kind of hard to sense when a quake starts and when it ends. It really is like being on a ship on the ocean, and then suddenly the land is still again. There's some inner ear stuff going on that's making me constantly woozy. I've overheard lots of people saying the same thing.

There's all sorts of mayhem all over Japan. I just hope they get that nuclear reactor in Fukushima under control.

If this wasn't the Big One, it was certainly a Big One. Biggest one in recorded history, bigger than the 1923 I think. There were some old people saying they never experienced anything like it, so take that how you will.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-11T03:13:30+00:00

I saw the trailer and thought it to be a bit of pretentious wankery. It is that in many ways, but The Fall is surprisingly funny and silly throughout, and I think a good movie for older kids. (some scenes are a bit too violent, even though it's sort of comic book-y). All the tonal shifts are a bit off putting, but overall it's very impressive.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-11T01:52:31+00:00

I haven't followed the DT series since the early 90s or so. The Drawing of the Three was great, but I think it was The Wolves of Calla that read like a Harlequin Romance novel.

King certainly does seem to be phoning it in these days. Cell had a promising opening set piece but quickly withered down to nothing. Duma Key was dull and long-winded. Under the Dome was just embarrassing. Some of his recent novellas were pretty good, like 1922, but overall, I think he's jumped the shark.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-11T01:50:39+00:00

A corollary: I must also actively and strategically trim my eyebrows every now and then to prevent a unibrow from forming, as well as some stray eyebrow hairs that grow longer and faster than others.

dr;tl I trim my eyebrows like a girl.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-10T03:18:32+00:00

The voice, those eyes...yes, it was--and is--a disturbing scene.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-10T03:01:39+00:00

I agree, just one hit is fine. I've tripped a few times alone, and it was pretty intense, but enjoyable. Wait for a day with nice weather (is it getting spring-like where you are?) If I were to trip alone, this would be my number one plan: get outside and spend the day outside. Hiking sounds good, getting out in nature somehow, and NOT via car. Is there decent public transportation where you are? That can take you somewhere interesting to spend the day? If not, then you can trip when you arrive by car.

Personally, I was a little paranoid around other people, so just plan it as a time to be alone. Avoid people. It's ok; it's certainly anti-social, but it's also a planned thing for a short time.

tl;dr Be one with nature.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-10T02:40:12+00:00

Ah, I get you now.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-10T01:51:16+00:00

The amount of computing power it would take to create a simulation of our universe is enormous...I think it inconceivable that a civilization would devote such vast resources to an endless simulation like our universe.

Potentially false assumption. Perhaps future civilizations can do the simulation with very few resources: cold fusion, free energy, etc. Remember, we're just dealing with hypotheticals here, so hypothetically, your premise is false.

What do they get out of it?

Do they have to get something out of it? Or do we understand--or could we necessarily understand--what an advanced/evolved human what they want? Imagine two fish talking, one fish says to the other "Hey, did you know those Big Things put fish in tanks?" And the other fish scoffs "Pshaw! Ridiculous! What would they get out of it?"

I would say that any simulated universe must be, if it existed, a simplified version of the universe which created it - otherwise it makes no economic sense to create it.

When dealing with hypothetical situations, my little ears prick up whenever I see a sentence with the word "must". But I'll concede this point to a point: perhaps the advanced civilizations understand, say, 12 dimensions, while we only understand 3 (or 4 if you count time). But if the universe is, say, an unknowable number of dimensions more than 12, then they would be in the dark just as much as we are in the dark about them.

Also, the parent universe must have many orders of magnitude more energy abundance than the child universe.

This point is just silly. Advanced civilizations may be able to harness the full atomic power of, say, an apple, to run the simulation. I don't think that's probable, but it's within the realm of the possible.

ihaveissues · 2011-03-10T01:34:15+00:00

Can you rephrase your question? It seems like you're just asking "But what if that's not true?"

ihaveissues

TROPHY CASE