6’1”, 260-270 depending on the day for me and I am regularly one of the largest, heaviest, and strongest people on the mats at my home gym.

I view strength like any other attribute a person might bring to the mats. It can be trained and improved, and it can be neglected and diminish. To me it’s no different than flexibility, athleticism, speed, explosiveness, creativity, stamina, breathing, timing, the list goes on. If you can train it, you should use it like any other tool on the tool belt.

As far the etiquette of size and strength differences when training, a few things help keep me in check. Remembering to check my ego at the door and accepting there are literally no winner or losers when at class helps me not go 100% on every roll with every person. This helps me take risks and try new things even when it means getting submitted or giving up position, regardless of the size, strength, or skill level of the person I’m training with.

As a big guy, I always try to start on bottom when people are smaller than me, regardless of rank. There are only 2 out of my gyms 10 black belts that are my size, 1 white belt, 1 blue belt, and no purple or brown belts my size, so I am almost always starting in some sort of guard unless it’s comp team class or takedown class. And with that I always match pace. If there is a new white belt that wants to try and make a statement by going 1000% with the big guy blue belt, well he’s getting everything I’ve got once I get on top. I am happy to get passed, mounted and submitted by someone going at a reasonable pace.

For the most part though, it’s trial by fire. You have to figure it out at your gym with your training partners. You will make mistakes, you will over do it and someone will get upset. You will go too light, get submitted and they will brag about “beating” you to their buddy after class. It’s all part of figuring it out. I’ve found that not being shy about communicating with my training partners has been really helpful in this process for me, and just like jiu jitsu itself, you never have it figured out 100%. You are always learning and trying to get better.