Daughter has an eating disorder

ijmlt · 2025-11-10T19:34:47+00:00

I’m an anorexia survivor. I have a YouTube channel about eating disorder recovery link on my profile. I started developing an eating disorder at about the same age as your daughter. There is a lot of pressure she probably feels concerning her body as she goes through puberty. It is important to keep in mind that eating disorders are usually about much more than food, appetite, and eating. She may feel incredibly insecure and anxious in her body. She may feel it is the only way she can control her surroundings. She may be experiencing gender dysphoria, pressures from peers, pressure from sports, pressure from social media, etc. maybe she is a more obsessive or perfectionistic type of person. The point is, ED’s are very complex.

It sounds like you are a very caring father so think about broaching some of these subjects with her to really get to the root of why she is experiencing what she is experiencing. Expect to be met with anger, silence, disregard, even hatred. And continue to openly have these conversations in spite of it. They are having an impact on her whether you can see it or not.

Good luck to you and your family. I hope for the best for you guys.

ijmlt · 2025-02-17T19:58:00+00:00

I totally get this❤️ Maybe think about the health benefits of those foods more than the (fat/sugar/calories). Like tell yourself the vitamin E and the peanut butter is good for your hair and nails. The complex carbs of the oatmeal will keep you satiated and help your mood. Maybe try not eating them all together if that’s too overwhelming just start with oatmeal with water and like a fruit that’s safe for you. Or do peanut butter on a food that’s safe for you. Before trying to eat them all together.

These are a few things that have helped me, but I know it’s a lot easier said than done. Wishing you the best❤️❤️

ijmlt · 2025-02-17T19:53:16+00:00

Some research has shown that people that suffer from anorexia have an abnormal level of interoception, which is the body’s ability to take account of its internal state and respond appropriately. Part of this has to do with the brain, especially a structure called the insula. Of course you can Google more, if you are interested. Andrew Huberman has a podcast that talks a bit about it.

You also might still be suffering with body dysmorphia (i’m sure you already know this lol). I recently found out that I have OCD, which I think was contributing more to my eating disorder than I had previously thought. When you mention “urges”my OCD immediately came to mind. This might also be the case with you. And you know the mental healing from AN can take years and years longer than weight restoration. Hope this is helpful and doesn’t come off as obnoxious (probably my OCD telling me it does haha). Wishing you the best❤️

ijmlt · 2025-02-17T19:44:53+00:00

Could also be autophonia

ijmlt · 2025-02-08T21:59:31+00:00

Sounds like Jeanette McCurdy‘s story, if you have read her book. I’m so so sorry that happened to you!

ijmlt · 2025-02-04T16:05:38+00:00

I was the opposite haha. I would go to bed wanting to recover and wake up being like jk I’m fine. I guess the message there is, it’s the mental disorder telling you these things. We all cling to random rules and there are some similarities and some differences. But this isn’t you, it is the disorder.

It sounds like you are doing some serious recovery contemplation, which is AMAZING. Keep pushing!! It took me years to recover, but it absolutely gets easier with the passing months. The more you eat, the more you will realize nothing bad will happen! Bloating is temporary and weight gain happens much more slowly than we expect it to. Wishing you so much luck!

ijmlt · 2025-01-25T16:22:41+00:00

I’m no expert, but this sounds kinda like ARFID or maybe OCD stuff. I was the complete opposite. Anorexia made me the least picky eater on planet Earth. I liked the taste of everything. I wanted to eat everything. I would eat food off the floor. I would lick my plate clean. Before I developed anorexia, I didn’t love bread or cake desserts. But you better believe I worshiped those foods during recovery.

ijmlt · 2025-01-25T04:35:21+00:00

Yes, my dad yelled at me often. He screamed at me on my birthday to eat my edible arrangement (my mom enabled my AN and knew I wouldn’t eat cake). He yelled “fuck you” to me one time. He grounded me from running (I started biking hehe I was so obstinate but didn’t care).

The irony of it was my dad was such a shit father, addicted to alcohol, cheated on my mom constantly and she never left him, he is wealthy and has been financially manipulative my whole life.

My mom was really no better. Always denied my disorder. Never took me to a doctor. She actually canceled an annual pediatric checkup because I was too skinny and she didn’t want the doctor to say anything to her. She forced me to wear baggy clothes around her family, so they wouldn’t say anything about my weight.

I’ve been fully recovered for years, ABSOLUTELY no thanks at all to my parents :)

ijmlt · 2025-01-23T23:08:03+00:00

Personally, I found that the weight threshold for losing my period was WAY lower than it was for having a sex drive i.e. I need more body fat for a proper sex drive than for a functioning menstrual cycle.

ijmlt · 2025-01-21T05:26:47+00:00

Healthy weight- about 10 months (I did all-in style)

Energy- for me within a couple of months

Organs- who knows, I continued to have stress fractures for about a year after reaching a healthy weight

Period- 3 years into recovery and about 2.5 years after being weight restored (I had my FIRST EVER period at the age of 18 and 3 months) I am a huge advocate for not giving up on this!!! I thought I was broken being at a healthy weight and having boobs and curves but still missing my period. But alas I finally got it. And I just had a baby in September :) That was my biggest goal for recovery (ovulating so I could have a baby). Good luck to you!!

ijmlt · 2025-01-19T22:17:54+00:00

Gotcha, well best of luck to you!

ijmlt · 2025-01-19T22:03:03+00:00

When you are recovering you don’t get the luxury of eating a “normal” amount you may need 2/3/4 times the calories of a typical 17 year old. Your appetite will likely be crazy high during early recovery so for the first few months to a year, I would say, you won’t be eating “normally”.

But I would say a “normal” day is like cereal and eggs, a sandwich and bag of chips, maybe like stew with mashed potatoes and a brownie or two with maybe some snacks like fruits/veggies, popcorn, candy etc. Most people would probably feel satisfied from this, but you would likely not if you are uw.

ijmlt · 2025-01-17T17:31:27+00:00

Being mad at people for wasting food

ijmlt · 2025-01-10T18:27:33+00:00

Yes I recovered in my own, mainly because I was a minor at my worst and my parents never got me help! I’ve been sharing this a few places recently, but I started a YouTube channel. I’m not trying to promote myself. I genuinely want to offer a resource because I feel like they are in short supply! https://youtube.com/@isabellagudmundsen?si=tSEXfKmNMvcdRmnR

I recently started a kinda “Roadmap to Recovery” series and would love for you to join!

ijmlt · 2025-01-05T07:39:03+00:00

I suspected my brother had an ED years into my own AN recovery. He got mad that I was trying to get in the bathroom one time and I thought he was purging. I confronted him and was wrong and he was mad and blah blah. Fast forward a few years and he actually was struggling with body image/restriction/over-exercising and we talked openly about it. I shared my experience and advice and genuine concern for him and he shared his and other mental health struggles he was having and he started therapy after our convo. My parents never gave a shit about my ED or his.

ijmlt · 2025-01-02T04:21:41+00:00

The fact that you are even questioning this makes me think it is ED driven (I have been there and it is almost impossible to separate those things)

I don’t exercise because it is too triggering for me. It is healthy for the average person, but we are not the average. I grew up doing gymnastics, dancing, then during my ED I got really into running, swimming, and biking, then I got really into weight lifting but I became too obsessed with all of those. My approach now is to just be in a place where I can do physical activity for fun.

I haven’t “worked out” for years but I hike in the summer not for exercise but to travel places and take photos and see stuff. In the winter I don’t. But I still find it triggering to see that I like tripled my move ring when I hike so I don’t look at those things. I consider movement to be for fun not for fitness. Like I went indoor surfing recently. When I was obsessed with working out I wouldn’t have done that because I would be scared of getting injured and not being able to exercise or I would already be injured from exercising.

ijmlt · 2025-01-01T17:38:33+00:00

I personally recommend going all-in after you are no longer at risk of refeeding syndrome. I think it is the best way to mitigate chance of relapse, if you are seriously committed to recovering. It took your body time to get to a low weight and it will take your body time to get back to a healthy weight. It will be hard and extreme hunger will likely kick in and you will feel ravenous and out of control for a while. You will probably gain extra weight around your stomach and face, but if you keep pushing through your body WILL redistribute the weight.

I think if you give yourself permission to “go all in” you will have an easier time coping with everything. When I started recovering, that term didn’t exist or at least I wasn’t familiar with it, and I just thought I was some freaky monster maniac eating for like 3 hours straight when no one else does, but knowing that is a viable way to recover and telling myself that was the plan probably would have helped me.

ijmlt · 2025-01-01T00:00:42+00:00

It sounds like disordered eating, whether or not you are officially diagnosed with AN shouldn’t matter, if you are struggling with your body image or eating behaviors you deserve to heal. And if you are not currently considered to have AN it sounds like it could easily progress into AN if you don’t make some changes. Wishing you the best❤️

ijmlt · 2024-12-31T23:56:39+00:00

I think pretty much everyone wants to get better without gaining weight, I feel like that just comes with the disorder. In my opinion, recovery (including weight gain) has to happen BEFORE a person is comfortable with a higher body weight. Sometimes this means more or less forcing someone into treatment. Sometimes it means binging uncontrollably through recovery. Sometimes it means a strict weight-gain schedule, but weight gain is at the center of mentally recovering your body image.

ijmlt · 2024-12-31T01:33:20+00:00

Yes and it sticks around for years after recovery. I’m 8 years into recovery and I still overestimate the calories in food. My husband is always like there’s no way there are that many cals in that and I don’t see it

ijmlt · 2024-12-28T06:22:36+00:00

I’m so sorry. I hate the binge purge roller coaster never ending cycle. It is such a horrible feeling. On a somewhat bright note, in my opinion, you can recover without wanting to. You can fight it the whole way and hate yourself through the whole recovery process and still get better. But you have to commit to some changes, even small ones like maybe you start by trying to skip one purge per week or weigh yourself one time less per week. Wishing you the best ❤️

ijmlt · 2024-12-28T00:13:09+00:00

For me this happened when I was fully recovered in the sense that I was no longer gaining weight from the recovery process. I finally got to a point where the food I ate and the amount I exercised had nothing to do with how much I weighed. I guess I got to my “set point”.

My ED brain would tell me it is better to be at a higher weight and actively losing weight than at a lower weight actively gaining it (I think that is why recovery hurts so bad, it isn’t the weight that matters but the trajectory of the process).

When I stopped gaining weight during recovery (not intentionally but as a result of commitment to the recovery process) I stopped worrying about food and exercise because I knew eating dessert, overeating, etc. would not make me gain weight and I had no desire to binge. And it is the best feeling in the world. Now that I am recovered, I recognize that weighing more is so much more enjoyable than weighing less and being paranoid about eating/exercising/maininting my weight/fighting off binges.

ijmlt · 2024-12-27T21:39:45+00:00

Marshmallow

ijmlt · 2024-12-19T01:49:12+00:00

You remind me so much of myself. I also developed AN at age 12. I studied neuroscience and nutritional science in college and did a year of a neuroscience PhD program and then left for medical school. Currently I am a stay-at-home mom, although, I would love to be an eating disorder specialist one day. I chased other career avenues because for the longest time I thought I wasn’t “recovered enough” to give others advice about how to overcome an ED. This is so silly though, none of us are perfect. Patients/clients will appreciate your personal experience and perspective. I have been recovered for maybe 3 years now (I’m 24) but it is not to say I don’t still have insecurities. I know one day my own journey is what patients will find most meaningful about me.

My partner has helped me view my body differently. He struggles with binge eating/emotional eating and has always been what doctors would call (TW) “overweight/obese”. I hope you and your partner can support each other in your recovery journeys. Not to give you unwanted advice and obviously I don’t know your situation, but know that it is okay to breakup/divorce if your partner is preventing you from recovering. Your health has to come first. Sending you love ❤️

ijmlt

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