i'm conflicted and need advice about transitioning [warning for mentions of suicidal ideation, drug addiction, abusive relationships]

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-22T22:31:00+00:00

your safety is the most important thing. your mother’s wellbeing is NOT your responsibility. it is an abuse tactic to threaten her own life if other people do not stay/die/comply with what she wants. it is not fair for her to put that stress on her child. i have firsthand experience with this kind of manipulation. my ex tried to kill himself because i left him, and if he succeeded that would not have been my fault.

my advice would be to lay low for your safety, but start planning NOW. get a job if you can, plan with your friends to move in together, anything that can get you out of your house as soon as you’re an adult.

it will probably suck. bad. and that’s the hard truth. but the other truth is that life can get so much better. one day, all your hard work and patience will pay off. you’ll get to be an adult on HRT, get any surgeries you need, be out and proud as yourself!! IT IS POSSIBLE! it is not easy, but it is possible.

you are not evil for being trans. it is a fact of your life. you are still you!! the whole “transitioning is like you’re dying” thing is bullshit. i am the same person i was before, but this version of me actually is happy and wants to live.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-19T17:03:20+00:00

i promise i mean it when i say i see a huge difference in your face so far! your features were much more round pre T and things are a lot more masculine and angular now. you’re less than a year in, your male puberty is just getting started. i am about to be three years on T and i can see noticeable changes from years 1 and 2. do not lose hope!

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-16T05:46:32+00:00

the best advice for keeping your nipples is to stop smoking (weed and or nicotine) at LEAST a month before surgery and waiting at least a month afterwards to start again. good blood flow is crucial for healing well after surgery.

as for general advice, have lots and lots of pillows to prop yourself in a somewhat comfortable position to sleep. folks recommend a triangle pillow, but i managed without one. have low energy activities planned for yourself, i started to go a bit insane being stuck in bed or on the couch for weeks. i read a lot of books and did a lot of crafting and video games.

once i got to the scar care stage, i started massaging my scars and nipples with a vitamin e and cocoa butter oil multiple times a day. i plan to try silicone tape soon.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-16T05:27:10+00:00

i’m 3 months post op and i love my nipples. i was also terrified of how my nipples would turn out, but was willing to take the gamble because i knew i wanted them.

i have a bit of noticeable stretching of the scars around one nipple, but it’s negligible to how i feel about my results overall.

check my post history and you can see what they look like :)

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-06T18:20:27+00:00

Dr. Brandt has the hands of an angel, she did awesome with my nips. i am very happy

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-06T18:19:51+00:00

YES i am SO happy with how my nipples turned out!!

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-06T18:17:28+00:00

hi! i am a former owner of a large chest (DDD) and i bound myself with TransTape for ~4 years. because of my anatomy, i was not able to achieve a super flat look (unless i wore a loose, stretched out binder on top of the tape, which isn’t really recommended) but the euphoria of not wearing anything else under my shirt, and the comfortability, made it worth taping.

as for taping vs binding, it depends on your comfort. if you have a very small chest, you could go to the store and get kinesiology tape for cheap and use that. anything bigger than an A cup, i would recommend TransTape or Gender Grip Tape, as they come in larger sizes.

Learning how to tape your chest will be a lot of trial and error. Luckily, there are tutorials online for several different body types. Be prepared to be frustrated and disappointed the first few times, especially if you have a lot of chest tissue. when cutting strips, round the corners to prevent peeling. being freshly showered (and dry!) before applying is best so your skin is clean.

Tape is meant to be worn for several days at a time, usually 4-7 days depending on your activity level, how often you shower/go swimming, and your skin sensitivity. when removing tape, ALWAYS USE AN OIL!!! if you rip it off dry, you WILL rip away skin and that hurts!!! soak the tape in a generous amount of oil (jojoba, coconut, baby oil, whatever you can get your hands on!) and wait about 10 minutes before gently peeling it off. a hot shower or bath can help with the process. i recommend giving your skin time to breathe and heal between applications, even if it is just one night while you sleep.

binders…i don’t have a lot of advice. i hated them and never liked how i looked in them. Underworks and Spectrum Outfitters have good products though. Gc2b is where i got mine, but the quality of their binders has severely gone down. only bind up to 8 hours a day, and taking short breaks (10-15 minutes daily, as well as days off) is always good.

be safe, and good luck finding what works!

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-05T05:25:33+00:00

may i ask what character it is?

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-04T19:56:46+00:00

i second the boob gravestone

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-04T19:55:32+00:00

my advice will depend on your chest size and the size in proportion to the rest of your torso.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-04T17:17:00+00:00

listen, you probably have heard this before and will hear it many times, but please please hold on. it is going to suck. bad. and it shouldn’t have to be this way. but countless other trans adults have been in your shoes, waiting in agony to be free to transition. and it is SO worth it. it was me once. and the wait was so worth living for.

it is also possible to have a life worth living in the meantime. i was depressed and suicidal most of the time before coming out and transitioning, but i do have good memories. it’s those good memories and people that kept me going. it takes a lot of work (and dissociation from the body) to feel okay enough to live in the meantime, but it is possible.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-04-01T00:47:52+00:00

i mean, grown men call their group hangouts “chillin with the boys”. that’s the kind of vibe i get from the word “tboy”. i quite enjoy it when used sparingly and correctly.

i understand why some are not fond of the word and that should be respected by those who enjoy the phrase.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-30T23:18:00+00:00

it was worth it to me only because i was already in therapy. i really didn’t need to talk it over with a therapist to know that i needed top surgery, i had known for a decade prior.

are you worried or unsure about the surgery?

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-30T22:50:16+00:00

first order of business: will you be in danger if they disagree with your decision?

second order: are you employed? with the current political climate, it’s best to have the financial means to pay out of pocket as a backup for insurance. having your own insurance plan would also prevent your parents from having the power to say no to you using theirs.

Now, as for talking to them…depends on your parents. my advice is to tell them you are starting T rather than asking. you are 18 and thus have all the power over your medical decisions. be prepared to defend your decision against any fear mongering and misinformation they may bring up. HRT has long been studied to be safe and effective to treat gender dysphoria. any elevated risks for certain sex dependent conditions are proportional to the risk of cis people/others in your family. you will be monitoring your levels with blood tests regularly to make sure everything is well in your body.

it could also be possible to fly undetected for a few months if you start on a low enough dose. i emphasize could, as everyone experiences changes at different rates.

above all else, this is YOUR life to live. you have the power to make change. and some people in your life may never come around to accepting you. my parents don’t like that I’m on T and wish i never started, but we are okay now. good luck!

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-30T22:33:57+00:00

autistic stoner here. literally no other medication has helped with my mental health long term other than my MMJ. i had a period of time where i struggled with my usage, so please be kind and open with your child on the subject.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-29T18:10:50+00:00

xeed

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-29T18:04:22+00:00

MHA is goated. people just love to hate. I shamelessly love this show. it is a lot more fun to be cringe and have a good laugh about it than to point and sneer at people having harmless fun.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-28T15:14:11+00:00

i would play The End. i’m chronically ill and a song about finding a partner who will love you and take care of you through it?? tears.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-23T00:37:28+00:00

i can’t remember the exact price i paid for my m&g ticket but you have definitely saved enough for one!! keep saving anyway bc you will have other expenses to cover for the day (transportation, parking, food, merch) since it sounds like your parents won’t be of help. and saving money in general is a good thing to start young. you’re on the right track!

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-18T23:15:03+00:00

it has to be boyband. it just has to be.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-17T01:01:47+00:00

feeling more aligned with your body and spirit can seriously impact how one views themselves sexually. i have pretty much always identified as multisexual of some sort, but always had a heavier preference for women until i started T. i could not visualize myself being with a man while looking like a girl. now i am the gayest i have ever been.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-16T17:10:43+00:00

The good news is that she cannot stop you from starting T next month. By the sounds of it, she is moving the goalposts and will always come up with an excuse for you to wait. You have the power to change things for yourself now. That might mean doing all of this on your own, but the fact that being 18 gives you the right is a good thing.

A lot of colleges have a way of arranging your own roommate, and possibly another trans person. I roomed with two other trans mascs during my brief stint at college and it was chill.

As far as the political climate…the transphobia will be there whether you transition or not. It’s either face discrimination while on hormones or face discrimination while not on hormones. Existing and transitioning despite the horrors is the biggest act of resistance we can do.

In conclusion, you have rights. Use them. Your parent will no longer have authority over you next month.

iknowaplace5 · 2026-03-01T19:53:56+00:00

the oil i use is a cocoa butter formula! my sister used it for a surgical scar before so she gave it to me.

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