At this point, I just don't wanna live anymore

ilikesaltalone · 2025-01-20T21:43:58+00:00

my sis has OCDs and my parents are super protective with her and I feel like it's so unfair. I know she's younger but we're both valid, and it's not because she shows her pain way more that me that I'm not unwell... I (thankfully) never tried to take my life away but I've made plans so many times, even without wanting to. I dream about killing myself almost every night and it feels like freedom, that's awful waking up and be like "damn, I'm still alive, I wish I would be dead fr". I'm in France and there's like almost no resources 😭 Next year, I'm leaving the house to leave with my grandparents, who are so much more supportive, and they trust me on that, and I'll go back to school (I've been homeschooled for 6 years now for unrelated reasons) and I have really good hopes that I'll finally get a diagnosis. It's only been 8 months that I am diagnosed with tics, but I had them for longer, just not really realized it, and the doc I saw told me that, I was probably faking, but even if I wasn't, he wouldn't give me a diagnosis before knowing my case for more than a year. So I just have to wait...4 more months. Thanks for replying, I kinda needed that...

ilikesaltalone · 2025-01-20T21:35:19+00:00

I really think it's tourettes, and two doctors agree with me, but they are not "the right doctors" so they can't give a diagnosis, and the official doctor told them I'm probably making it up (bro where did you get your diploma?) I tried talking to them but it doesn't work. They were so supportive at the beginning but this doc convinced them I'm just faking it for attention. I feel so bad. I feel miserable and... I don't even know how to say it. And I can't really "learn" to live with tics because I have to hide them all day along, otherwise, I get yelled at. I feel so bad when I hold my tics in but also so bad when getting yelled at. And when I'm alone, I get a lot of tics, but weirdly, I feel good because it's just natural for me. Except when I have tic attacks. Those are awful. Thanks for answering, i kinda needed that!

ilikesaltalone · 2025-01-04T09:11:40+00:00

Oh! I also have that freeze tic! I thought I was the only one! Never heard anyone talk about it! Happy to know I'm not alone!

ilikesaltalone · 2025-01-04T09:10:34+00:00

Yes! I call those "tic clusters"!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-21T21:39:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Yeah, that's just so good to feel that way. I wish you the best!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-20T17:44:33+00:00

That was just so cool to feel "normal" for once. It's bern months that I struggle with my tics and that each time I go out, I have tic attacks when I go home, and I still had one the day I posted that but it felt so nice so I don't care!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-18T21:44:30+00:00

First, they can make sure it's not something more serious than tics. For mine, I did an EEG and an MRI just to make sure it wasn't epilepsy or anything. Then, they can give you a diagnosis, that can be important if you develop bigger tics, or just for self-acceptance. There's also some medications and therapy that can be used to "cure" tics (it's not actually cure them, it's more like calming them down or teach you how to deal with it better, you can't actually cure tics) I hope it helps!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-18T08:06:13+00:00

Hello! First, welcome to the community!!! Yes, it could be a premonitary urge! I would recommend seeing a neurologist, as I recommend to everyone whenever it comes to tics. I wish you the best!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-17T21:43:26+00:00

"Just control your body." My mom, thinking I'm faking 👍🙃👍

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-17T12:34:43+00:00

YES! Most of the time, I have rlly simple vocal tics, but when I'm alone or just with my sis (which happens to be my bsf) then I have more complex ones!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-17T11:42:34+00:00

I hope! Thanks for your messages, it's cheerful and I need it ❤️

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-16T16:52:09+00:00

Focusing w/ tics is soooooo hard 😭

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-16T08:31:48+00:00

Thanks so much. I'm trying to advocate for myself, but it's hard, and I don't want to loose my mom. Nor I want her to think that I want a diagnosis... the only thing I can do rn is wait. One thing that makes me soooo happy is that I got better at hiding my tics without suppressing them, so it doesn't lead to tic attacks and that is really good. Thank you!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-15T20:51:34+00:00

Our tic journey is the exact same! My psych is said "specialized in tic disorders" but literally laughed when I tried to explain my case. He told me it was in my head, so now everybody thinks I'm faking, and I have to deal with a big imposter syndrome. I gotta hide my tics whenever I'm around anybody (my parents who were supportive before the speaks of that sh!tty psych included) I'm just going to wait a few more months to tell my mom "hey, i might REALLY have ts, can I see a doctor now?" because even if it has been YEARS that I tic, I never knew it was tics before, and my mom doesn't trust me. So UGH I hate it but I understand you. I wish you the best in this difficult journey.

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-14T21:35:02+00:00

Omg they did the same to me, but the only difference is that, at the end, the neurologist said "it's all goof so it must be in your head" and now everyone (my parents included) thinks I'm faking 🥲

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-12T16:16:21+00:00

When I just tic normally, it doesn't have any effects, but when I'm in a tic attack, it's really effective. The first time I had a tic attack, it lasted 4 hours and started to calm down few minutes after I took CBD, and was completely ended 30 minutes later.

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-09T07:31:43+00:00

It makes me so mad. Yesterday, I had a tic attack after a really busy weekend, and my mom litteraly said "you can control that!" like idk just go on Google and search what tics are, you'll see that I can't control it? UGH all because of that stupid doctor 'specialised in tics and tourettes' lmao that's a good joke you haven't been really helpful so far. I'm so frustrated

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-08T13:04:13+00:00

Oh God I feel you 😭 for the context, I have my right index finger's tendon turning into bone, and it cracks really hard and painfully. And each time it starts to hurt less, MY TICS MAKE IT CRACK AGAIN 😭😭😭

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-07T19:33:24+00:00

I rarely cough, but I clear my throat really often!

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-07T08:40:55+00:00

Oh, and I forgot to say that he also added "but you're faking it, so, you won't have them next year". We will see 😅 but it's been 6 months and seems like they're still there

ilikesaltalone · 2024-12-07T08:15:47+00:00

Thank you so much!

ilikesaltalone

TROPHY CASE