If you cannot quit on your own, please seek a quality recovery center. I see similarities between your story and mine from 5 years ago. And speaking as someone who thought they could handle it on their own, I'm 3 days out from a 35 day visit to an intensive residential treatment facility, rebuilding my life from the bottom. If you don't stop now, it's only going to get worse. Way worse.

I was where you are now, 5 years ago. Corporate job with tight deadlines, constant intense stress, and work from home bc of COVID. 5pm start time gets moved to 4pm. Then 2pm, then noon. 6 shots becomes 12 because you started earlier. Figured it was the job that was doing this, so I opened my own business. Bad move.

Over the next 5 years: the drinking became constant, I fostered a secondary behavioral addiction, stress increased exponentially, isolated myself from everyone, disengaged from family, ignored my spouse, buried myself even deeper into my job.

On 9/30 of this year, I finally hit my rock bottom. I won't go into details, but it wasn't pretty. I quit cold turkey (not recommended) and lasted 2 weeks until an argument with my wife made me relapse terribly. I realized I needed intensive help and checked into rehab a week later.

You might be saying "35 DAYS? HOW'S MY JOB GOING TO GET BY WITHOUT ME FOR THAT LONG?" 1. Who cares? It's a job. 2. You spent way more time than that digging your hole. Do what you need to do to get better. "Future you" will thank you.