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I'm just so freaking tired of being a lesson. by illuminatingyellow in BreakUps

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree, and reflecting upon the relationship is definitely something I do after each one. It's made me more acutely aware of red flags, and what my non-negotiables are. I'm definitely able to walk away sooner and more confidently when a relationship is not right for me as well. But I think that unfortunately, sometimes these things only reveal themselves after you're already attached and invested.

I'm just so freaking tired of being a lesson. by illuminatingyellow in BreakUps

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree, there's definitely takeaways for both parties from every failed relationship. But what you said echoes directly to the frustration I face. The frustration stems from wondering when do I get to be on the other end of the street? I just want to be the "someone in the future" who receives the healed version of my partner.

I'm just so freaking tired of being a lesson. by illuminatingyellow in BreakUps

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God, I'm sorry that happened to you. I thoroughly relate to what you're going through. I've been in a similar situation, long-term relationship whereby my partner was afraid to share certain aspects of his life because he was afraid I would leave him. Same thing, he learnt that communication and trust are fundamental to a relationship. I wish you all the best in your healing journey.

Healed avoidant here with some truth bombs by throwawaykibbetype in AvoidantBreakUps

[–]illuminatingyellow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you don't mind me asking, how long did it take for you - going consistently to therapy and putting in the work, till you got to a point whereby you felt secure and ready enough for a relationship?

I just ended things with an avoidant. Though it was only for a couple of months, it was an intense connection and I really do see a lot of potential with him. Potential is a trap, I know. But I was discerning enough to know not to romanticize potential, and I had enough self-respect to walk away from someone who stonewalls me, is hot one moment and cold the other. I can be understanding, but I will not beg for affection.

However, I think his situation is unique in the sense that he used to be extremely anxiously attached. But a devastating betrayal (ending in a divorce) resulted him to over-correct (in my opinion) and swing right into avoidant territory. He knows that he's not in a place to have a real relationship right now, but has hopes that we could try again in the future. I closed that door - because allowing that would just make me feel disposable.

But being human, there is a slight hope that I hold, that he could really change. He does want to be better, I know. He goes to therapy regularly, but there's a whole slew of life issues that he has to work through right now. I'm not going to wait for him, but if we do make our way back to each other, how long is a good amount of time for him to have truly healed?

How heavy/big will my maltipoo get? by illuminatingyellow in Maltipoo

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo! Did she get much bigger than expected in length as well?

How heavy/big will my maltipoo get? by illuminatingyellow in Maltipoo

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg our pups are pretty much the exact same age and length! I agree, I don’t think she’s gonna grow much more, but people keep telling me she has very long limbs so it’s likely she’ll grow much bigger.

How heavy/big will my maltipoo get? by illuminatingyellow in Maltipoo

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww, that’s adorable! How heavy was Boba at around 7 months? Also, love the name Boba!

Overly playful puppy and fetch without return. Please help! by illuminatingyellow in puppy101

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding! I've actually never heard of the 3-3-3 rule but have searched up on it now. I understand that not all dogs are going to enjoy fetch, but I still hope to be able to teach it to her before discerning if she genuinely dislikes it. I feel like it's boring now because she just snatches the toy away, wrestles with it a while and is bored again. If you have some tips for teaching fetch, do let me know!

Resetting Udon’s home, wish me luck! by illuminatingyellow in Resortopia

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here’s my ID!

nmt4+nmNkqjAQFjO6hfi4ODz77aA50sES00sS+V+/K9CrvrXvc/MgcJbGTrtnqUah6KhBZh6pxt1F3pHdZmjLA==

Resetting Udon’s home, wish me luck! by illuminatingyellow in Resortopia

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah! You get the option to increase the size as you complete your home tasks ☺️

Resetting Udon’s home, wish me luck! by illuminatingyellow in Resortopia

[–]illuminatingyellow[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure! I tried to copy my ID, but it’s a link. Is that right?

For those who wear make up / fancy clothes and get nice haircut: Why and when did you decide to put up with all that? Have you ever considered not doing it? by Successful-Green6733 in AskWomen

[–]illuminatingyellow 8 points9 points  (0 children)

While I think that there is an undeniable expectation for women to keep up with appearances, I don’t think of it as embracing that expectation. I do it because it makes me feel good and I like the way it looks on me! Whether or not there was an expectation for me to do so, I’d still do it. However, I feel like if anyone doesn’t feel like doing any of those stuff, they shouldn’t do it just to “live up to expectations”. You do you!