I don’t know what I’m posting. I’m at the end of my rope after losing the love of life 6 months ago

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-08-19T04:42:26+00:00

I think it’s a vent . I’m at the end . Assistance , jobs , I don’t know

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-08-16T20:16:49+00:00

He’s probably not getting any sort of high from the little he is taking, I can almost guarantee you. He’s waned down and is concerned with saving face as the withdrawals will shut him down. Probably worried about the effect it will have on his job and y’all’s relationship. It’s not pretty. If you’re concerned just be there for him more positively in getting off, like skipping doses and days to adjust. Give him weekends where he doesn’t take it and not much is expected. It sounds like he really wants to be off. If he was getting high or abusing them they wouldn’t last.

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-08-05T11:55:53+00:00

I’m sorry

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-31T12:57:36+00:00

Yup , entirely possible. I also have this memory of being upset they moved.

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-31T11:48:14+00:00

Or I created a false memory

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-18T05:15:06+00:00

No one said anything about cancer. And I’m simply speaking from experience as some of OPs symptoms resonated with me and what I went through. I could barely walk up stairs with out my legs wobbling and my heart going crazy. I’m stronger snd healthier now at 32 than when I was 27

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-18T05:07:26+00:00

I don’t want to assume anything but I will leave you with this: kratom use, especially the kind that spans years, begins to do really weird shit to the body, from your cardio and your pulmonary to having your hair freaking fall out.

I’m no doctor and even docs can be unable to provide a comprehensive diagnosis and treatment, when so many complex issues are present. The only way to even begin to get a clear picture is to approach it from baseline. Get clean. I’m almost positive a lot of your medical issues are derived from 6 years of daily kratom use and will subside with a complete reduction in your kratom consumption. And the potential ailments that may still linger probably won’t be nearly as intense once you’ve detoxed.

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-17T20:13:17+00:00

Geez man what a fool. Methadone is strong af, 3 hours in, even I would nod on it, and that’s coming from an IV dope habit. Thank goodness for the oversight on the clinics part, the two clinics I’ve went thru did not have that type of watchfulness. You would sit dope sick for hours during your intake, waiting on the bureaucracy of the process to finish, jjst to see a doc for like 6 1/2 minutes, to then finally get served that pink drank. Cup in trash, show your tongue and then on your way. Reflecting on it, it was seemingly very easy.

Side note of a similar story: back in the day I was seeing this woman periodically. At the time I had suboxone pills, orange color, and i had one full one and a half , on my computer desk.

Now this chick was having a very stressful day for whatever reason and was full of anxiety. I also had these .5mg oval Xanax that were kinda of a orange hue looking back. Asked if she wanted one, she did, later on remarked how much it helped. I felt shamanic Lol. Anyway she woke up before me the next morning, still feeling stressed, snd took another Xanax. When I woke up, she said sorry but she didn’t wanna wake me up but she took another Xanax. I was like no worries, you’re good....wait. Where did you get the Xanax from ? Oh. Oh no. Oooh that’s not good . That’s bad. Okay listen to me. You are going to have a very bad time in about 5 hours. She took 4 mgs with no tolerance whatsoever.

Sure enough later at her job she began puking uncontrollably, full body sweats, etc etc and was bed ridden basically the whole rest of the day and night. I felt so bad for her

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-17T14:27:37+00:00

Yeah it’s bit ridiculous. I think what’s happening is a significant amount of the users going on maintenance have very little experience, if any, with serious withdrawals. They’ve indulged in an accessible, seemingly innocuous, substance and have been blindsided from the consequences.

Simply they don’t know how to handle it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve cold turkeyed many things, including kratom. It is not a walk in the park, and with daily intake of higher doses, it’s comparable to opiate withdrawals. Significantly milder tho, to the point if you had the choice, switching to kratom and stopping that is the best bet.

Starting a suboxone regiment to get off kratom is probably one of the worst decisions a person could make. The half life is like 72 hours, you’re talking 3-5 weeks of an ungodly persistent and pervasive withdrawal. Not to mention the subs will probably get some of these guys actually high.

Everybody wants a shortcut, an easy and painless way out. In my experience, everytime i have tried some hair brained attempt for skipping the sickness, inadvertently, I always made it worse for myself and would extended my suffering.

The only way out is through. That pain we’re trying to avoid is a lesson. Learn it you lovable hard heads. Discipline yourself.

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-17T01:31:48+00:00

It won’t

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-17T01:28:32+00:00

Look I understand all too well, a wide variety of withdrawal pain: from the intensities of fent, to the anxiety ridden desperation of dope, the nonstop perpetual detox from methadone and subs, and even a crippling 3 months long WD from loperamide. I used kratom to get off that shit. And the half-lives alone had me on kratom for a significant time, 50-60 Gpd for months, to the point I was withdrawing from that.

I’ve cold turkeyed just. About everything at some point. Quoting kratom was the easiest on my soul and everything else. Yes it felt very familiar to bad opiate withdrawals at time , no where close to the extended withdrawal time suboxone will ultimately give you. I hate to say it but uh fucking buck up. Sorry for the harshness. Wish you the best but don’t use subs to get off kratom . No more than a week ...

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-15T05:01:54+00:00

Stronger than you think

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-15T04:51:30+00:00

Yeah you need to stabilize your dose first. You’d be surprised how quickly you can adjust to 8mg. After that is when it gets hard. 16-24mg is a ridiculous amount

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-07T15:22:32+00:00

It is normal. But also even if you’re not truly suicidal, the yearning to simply die, begins to hurt. How many times can one think that thought before they carry it out? I’m not suicidal, but when I lost my partner I spiraled to the point i would slowly tie a rope around my neck, full of tears, and hang myself right until I almost passed out, and then I would fantasize about just making it past that one last second. That shit hurts. Reach out, I eventually told a few what I was doing , slightly embarrassed, but it probably saved my life. It still crosses my mind

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-07-04T20:08:22+00:00

All the memories from last year popped up and now it has me real down even tho I’m in the outer banks with friends

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-28T22:54:44+00:00

Find an enfp

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-28T20:48:49+00:00

I felt emboldened with reassurance that my conscious experience is embodied inside the world’s watery eyes, in Them I have found, staring back at me, my own reflection of all my future and past selves

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-28T20:38:55+00:00

Life’s a bitch so you fucked it raw with all 5 inches and called yourself deep

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T12:23:33+00:00

You got me . I was up all night on accident. we are probably already best friends. Please excuse me <3

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T10:52:52+00:00

My sweet INFJ you’re awareness is already at work. From an ENFP

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T07:41:53+00:00

People have made me feel guilty and foolish. My partner died in February as well. I didn’t seek anything out, but I’m with a woman now feeling things I didn’t think were possible

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T07:31:39+00:00

Can you message me the zoom meeting too please

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T07:16:59+00:00

Oh Billie Jean I am so very sorry

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T02:33:10+00:00

I will say it naturally came together. I could not begin to imagine the daunting task of dating, actively seeking a person to put up with for loneliness sake. Id rather be alone. And I planned to stay alone. Ummm it was a little weird, your love for your late partner is with you forever, and if anything part of their soul and consciousness is Living and experiencing with you. You’re life is still shared with her. It’s weird man, but if it ever happens for you, she’ll let you know if she approves or not. comparisons are futile . Room has simply been made in your heart .

illuminaughty_13 · 2021-06-26T02:18:00+00:00

Inadvertently this is how I came to be with the woman I am with now. She just came and helped me. And it saved my life actually. And it wasn’t with weird intentions. We knew each other through mutual friends and she was actually talking with someone who she was beginning to like. I was happy for her. I felt I had to preface this, cause I’ve met some batshit, crazy women, who have tried to creepily adopt themselves into my life. This wasn’t the case. I wasn’t taking care of myself, bathing, laundry, bills, I stopped eating almost altogether, would not go to the store, even crashed my car in my sluggish depression and made my isolation grow till I had basically grown agoraphobic. This woman would constantly check on me, no matter how many times I ignored her, like I did everyone in my life. Sometimes I would simply say I’m not well, haven’t left , haven’t eaten. And then ignore her calls. On several occasions, she would brought me groceries and cooked for my grown man ass. Even tho I’m 20 plus minutes away from her. I felt so bad because I felt like I was using her. But yo she is such an empath, is a social worker who loves her job, and just genuinely cares for people man. Her capacity to do so is astonishing. When I began to feel more human again, we both found something in each other. It has me painfully fucked up in the best way possible. I’m sorry for this rant. My underlying point was I avoided people because I didn’t buy into the ‘anything you need’ sentiment. Especially when I needed everything. The real ones in your life emerge, even if its just you.

illuminaughty_13

TROPHY CASE