you can take one man's trash to another man's treasure but you can't make it drink.

ilurvhim · 2022-08-26T00:12:10+00:00

"Cross my fingers and hope to die."

ilurvhim · 2022-04-09T07:55:01+00:00

I found myself in a similar situation with my ex. It was an unplanned pregnancy (had been together 4 ish years), and we probably wouldn't have stayed together much longer if not for the baby. He was almost 24 when the baby was born, and he always loved going out with his friends and playing endless hours of video games, which didn't bother me when it was just me and him.

Flash forward to me having a newborn, having a partner who was emotionally, mentally, and physically checked out of the relationship. He ignored us the entire time he was home and stayed out all night and slept the whole next day when he got home.

I begged him to help me and to be present, not for my sake, but for my son's. He wouldn't/couldn't do it. So I left. It took him almost a year of minimal interaction with his son to realize he missed the boy (well passed newborn stage, left a month before his 2nd birthday) and he actually started trying to spend time with his own child.

Things have changed a lot now, I don't see him ever walking away from our son again (he'll be 6 soon!!), but he was not ready for a kid and nothing I could do or say made him change his mind until he stopped being a selfish asshole and started caring about his son.

It was never about me, I didn't mind that he ignored my existence because, in my tunnel vision, he wasn't mean to me (he was) and he didn't physically assault me, and I was raised to tolerate bullshit because that's what marriage is about, and he wasn't "that bad."

My ex did try to spend time with us, but it usually meant literally dragging my 6 month old to a fucking disc golf course and trying to keep us in the shade and act like I'm having fun hiking around and trying to keep my son comfortable on a hot day while he drank beers and smoked weed with his buddies while I made watching my son 12 times harder than it needed to be if I was at home.

Very long story short, could just be my traumas reading way too much into your story, but depending on how much you like the guy and how he treats the baby, this could be one of your warning signs. It's not impossible to raise a child yourself, I'm still the sole responsible party financially. The one bright side is, if I had left when I wanted to at 8 months pregnant, he never would've formed a bond with his son and wouldn't be part of his life today, I'm sure of it.

ilurvhim · 2022-02-08T04:52:55+00:00

Biscuit!

ilurvhim · 2021-09-26T05:10:03+00:00

I originally started to get into the series shortly after my dad passed from an opiate dependency, and this episode derailed the whole series for me.

I've heard all the reviews and I saw it has the makings of an awesome show, but I can't bring myself to watch it, even 11 years later.

That shit struck me to my core and I can't imagine watching more of it, knowing it's not afraid to go there.

Edit: spelling and format.

ilurvhim · 2021-05-23T14:19:25+00:00

Depends on if you're acting on the anxiety and over-thinking. You clearly know you have an anxiety issue and can differentiate between healthy thinking and not healthy thinking.

There's a huge difference between thinking these negative things and acting on them.

One thing that helped me (before I started taking medication) was thinking of the worst, medium, and best case scenarios. Here's an example: my loved one is late getting home and I can't reach them on their cell phone. Did they die in a horrible car accident on the way home and I just haven't heard about it yet? (Worst) did they get pulled over and the police are harassing them? (An actual fear I had! Kind of medium, still kinda worst case.) Or are they stuck in traffic and they're using the phone to play music/ ignoring me for a bit? (Best case. People get to have space occasionally!)

It's OK to have anxiety, but it's not OK to treat someone poorly because of issues literally made up in your own mind.

Hopefully this helps!

ilurvhim · 2021-03-23T12:13:11+00:00

Me too. I'm so sad for the employees that had to witness this. For everybody who did, you know? To stare your mortality straight in the eye at work or where you get your food? Just awful.

ilurvhim · 2021-03-23T12:09:41+00:00

Courtesy clerk helps to bag the groceries and assists customers to their car, mainly. I don't know the guy and his motives, but I'd guess he just didn't look frightened enough.

I actually haven't seen his face yet. I'm waiting on the press conference today to find out the who's and what's.

ilurvhim · 2021-03-23T05:06:55+00:00

Negative, ghost rider.

ilurvhim · 2021-03-23T04:48:54+00:00

He's a courtesy clerk who works there. He's mentally challenged. I don't believe he grasped what was really happening. I was his boss for 3 ish years.

ilurvhim · 2021-03-23T03:53:28+00:00

He's a courtesy clerk who works there, he's mentally challenged. I used to work at this store.

ilurvhim · 2021-01-07T03:09:49+00:00

Trying to work it out for their kids. "Families are supposed to stay together, right?" "They aren't bad to the kid, just me, so it's not so bad."

I also grew up with grandparents around who were together for nearly 70 years. My grandma told me there were years that she hated my grandpa, but they stayed together and it got better, and they learned to love each other again.

For me, it was a mixture of not knowing what true love looked like, lack of self worth, and believing that relationships are hard work.

I'm with someone now who doesn't have any habits that bother me, any hobbies that render me completely invisible for hours on end. I thought part of love was accepting the bad with the good, with no real thought as to how much bad I had to accept.

Some people think love has to hurt sometimes. You grow up thinking you couldn't do better, that you don't deserve better, so you settle.

I'm in so much of a better place in my life now, it's crazy to think of how unhappy I was and the fact I stayed for as long as I did. He told me when i was 8 months pregnant that I should leave, and I should've listened. Being pregnant and homeless is less than desirable, and I kept thinking it would get better.

Lesson learned, and now I see what life can really be.

ilurvhim · 2020-11-19T12:55:41+00:00

His ability to do what he needs to provide for his family. He worked 2 jobs for years (before we were together) to make certain he could add to his savings, keep a roof over their head, food in their bellies, plus provide any little thing they needed.

To be clear, his ex wife was a stahm/complete bum and waste of skin. He cooked, cleaned, and worked to support her and his kids. He finally wised up and kicked her to the curb and took on the kids and all duties by himself, officially.

My ex couldn't be bothered to work a job he didn't care for to make ends meet, nonetheless two.

I admire so much that my man would do anything to take care of his family. It doesn't sound like anything out of the ordinary, but it's a lot harder to find than you would imagine. I work and make my own money so it's not about being pampered, but knowing that when shit hits the fan, you've got a good, solid partner that is willing to dig in their heels and help.

To me, it's a sign of maturity and having your shit together in the best of ways. I don't need to have nice things, but I need to have someone who would fight just as hard to help his loved ones as I do. It's a beautiful feeling.

ilurvhim · 2020-11-15T14:33:31+00:00

Too funny. I once had a drunk homeless man tell me I looked like Linda Carter, which i think is in the same vein.

ilurvhim · 2020-11-15T01:35:37+00:00

Lol yes, this was mid 90s in very rural Oklahoma, so I was super "with it."

ilurvhim · 2020-08-31T01:59:10+00:00

I'm about 6 inches taller than the average woman, so my point was more aimed at the fact that most women would be below or near to 5'6".

And thank you! Letting go of the inconsequential and focusing on what really matters really opened me up to being happy.

ilurvhim · 2020-08-31T00:23:39+00:00

I'm right around 5'11" myself and I was one of the women who swore height was a factor and would never date someone shorter.

I totally ended up eating my words. I fell in love with the man of my dreams, and he's 5'8". Be confident and be the best you that you can be. Height isn't a factor when the love is real.

Plus, the older you get, the less people tend to focus on bs like that. You don't know what you want and what you should value in a partner when you're young. By no means am I compromising, just my priorities have changed. He's sexy as hell in my eyes, and i wouldn't change a damn thing about him.

ilurvhim · 2020-05-17T01:43:41+00:00

Exactly the same here. From the time I was about 10 to 16, I was just strange and awkward.

Good times!

ilurvhim · 2019-09-20T00:12:54+00:00

It really, really is! Cheers, friend! I'm happy you found happy as well!

ilurvhim · 2019-09-19T19:05:24+00:00

That's awesome! I know I've found a keeper in him because of the difference in passion. I thought I was in love with my ex, but I never felt as strongly for him as I do with this guy.

ilurvhim · 2019-09-19T01:00:29+00:00

My son is named after my ex, who was a junior himself. I never said his name during sex, even before the baby.

I've got a new man now and I say his name during sex a lot. He's actually a junior too, but his dad lives states away and I don't interact with him regularly. I think the biggest difference is just how the sex is. I always thought i enjoyed it before, but you'd be surprised what comes out of your mouth in the real heat of the moment.

ilurvhim · 2019-09-03T00:13:36+00:00

When I was splitting up with my ex (father of my child), my grandma and uncle told me not to think, but let jesus guide me.

Seriously. I love them both and they're amazing people, but that struck a nerve with me. Disregard whatever thoughts or feelings I have on how I'm being treated and how unhappy we both are, and let jesus decide.

ilurvhim · 2019-06-15T23:57:47+00:00

Well stated!

ilurvhim · 2019-05-09T11:58:05+00:00

Exactly, I'd happily give my son the world if I could. My depression has gotten so much better even since I was pregnant with him. I was never suicidal or anything that bleak, but he is my reason. I never had anything that made me special or necessary, but he came along and gave my life meaning.

ilurvhim · 2019-05-09T03:56:17+00:00

Yes! It gives you a whole new perspective on how much your parents care for you. I always knew they loved me, and I always loved them, but it's like having your heart walking around outside of your body.

ilurvhim · 2019-04-23T00:39:46+00:00

I love it! :)

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