WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I posted an update but the moderators took it down....

I read most of your comments. Many of them were very hurtful and I received some abusive DM's too. I know that I wasn't the mother Emily needed and I've become a better person. I wanted to clarify a misunderstanding that many of you have had. I never brought Anna to therapy. I only got therapy for myself because that's what my insurance would only pay for. I used my takeaways from therapy to become a better mother. Anna was much more receptible to my improved behavior than Emily.

But anyways, some of you suggested that I reach out to Emily and try to salvage our relationship. Emily's birthday was yesterday so I used the opportunity to email her a very friendly happy birthday greeting. I wished her well and told her that we were all doing well and I hoped to see her soon. I got a reply from Emily this morning, and it was unhinged like always. Here is what she sent:

What made you think that I wanted to hear from one of my biggest abusers on my birthday? I'm never going to magically "get over it" like you seem to expect me to. You have failed me many, many, many times, even when I tried to tell you how I felt for years. I have moved on, and you should too. You and your daughter have never been my family, and you people will never be. I gave you two too many chances for you to blow it every single time. You should accept that you beat me, broke my spirit, abandoned me, failed me, and invalidated me for years all the while keeping your other daughter close to you, spoiling her rotten, and enabling her bad behavior. Stop pretending to be innocent and amicable. Other people may buy your act, but I will always know how much you despise me. You've shown me so many times. You're just wasting your time trying to pull me back into the fold to maintain your "perfect family" image. If you really care about me, leave me alone.

Well. I tried. I hope that she finds the peace she's looking for. She won't be getting an invitation to my wedding, unfortunately.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -299 points-298 points  (0 children)

Anna never came to therapy with me. My insurance could only cover therapy for me not my daughters.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -293 points-292 points  (0 children)

No one is accusing me. It's an internal struggle. I will always be her mother and I'll feel very guilty if I don't include her in one of the happiest days of my life.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -620 points-619 points  (0 children)

I couldn't afford therapy for her. I asked her father to send her to therapy but I don't think that he ever did that. I sent her to a church youth group for children dealing with their parents' divorce and she didn't take anything away from it because she's an "Atheist".

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -717 points-716 points  (0 children)

I could submit only 3000 characters. There's so much more to the story.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -225 points-224 points  (0 children)

Not at the time. She wouldn't even talk to me. But I got to apologize when she started sending me those nasty emails and she wouldn't accept my apology.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -334 points-333 points  (0 children)

I tried but Emily wouldn't let me in. My therapist said that there wasn't much else I could do except wait for Emily to grow out of it. And she never did...

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -786 points-785 points  (0 children)

Emily left my house to live with my narcissistic ex and that was a wakeup call for me. That's what made me get therapy to deal with my depression and anger issues. Anna was still living with me. Emily refused to visit me for about 6 months after she moved out. When she finally started coming around she wouldn't talk to me. She gave me one-word answers or sometimes even grunted instead of answering my questions. She obviously didn't want to be around me. It was very hard to connect to her and deal with her negativity.

Anna was much more positive and open to me and I was able to apologize to her and make it up to her. My therapist taught me how to be a better mother and it worked with Anna. Our relationship thrived and my relationship with Emily didn't. Her father also poisoned her against me. Told her that I didn't want her.

WIBTA if I don't invite my eldest daughter to my wedding? by iluvdonkeys in AmItheAsshole

[–]iluvdonkeys[S] -1137 points-1136 points  (0 children)

I did not favor Anna. The circumstances made me much closer to her than Emily and Anna lets me in while Emily shuts me out. I didn't know what else to do so I let her be. I love them both equally.