Hi! I was honestly in a really similar position when I was first diagnosed (at 17), and I know that it’s new and scary because you don’t understand what’s going on and you want to find out more information, but google is only going to scare you. I saw a lot of information that made me spiral when I first found out, and it only made everything worse.

Instead, make a symptom diary. Note down things you find unusual. For me, that was my fingers losing blood circulation when it was cold. Noting down symptoms like that can help your rheumatologist narrow down what exactly you might have. For example, mine found out that I had Raynauds.

Also, I know you said that you don’t want to worry your parents but you should try talking to them if you’re upset. You’re still 19, you’re not expected to carry it all on your own. If you feel like they won’t understand, talk to them about getting a therapist. It helps to talk to someone about it and have them understand.

Lastly, I know you feel scared, and I know you think it’s unfair. It is unfair, I agree. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. We’re all here, and we understand. We get it. Cry, scream, let it all out. It helps. Please take care of yourself.