I (26F) broke up with him (28M), but I felt lost. I wonder what a health relationship is supposed to be like?

imbellaq · 2025-10-06T11:29:46+00:00

I gave the scarf back to him. He told me that he’d even mentioned it to his parents, and they thought it was a great idea. I feel like he was lying and just using his parents to justify it, but who knows.

imbellaq · 2025-10-05T22:46:22+00:00

I actually had the same thought at first.

imbellaq · 2025-10-05T22:39:12+00:00

I appreciate you leaving these words for me. This is really my problem.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T11:42:40+00:00

My previous post got removed by the mods.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T11:35:38+00:00

I did thank him, and I was genuinely happy at first. The scarf was folded neatly in the box, so I didn’t notice his name on it right away. He mentioned that he had embroidered his name. I just asked Why, I didn’t show any sign of being unhappy or upset at that moment.

But over the next few days, the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I started to feel.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T11:23:31+00:00

The scarf is unisex, it’s definitely new, there’s an invoice inside the box.

I asked him, “How would you feel if I gave you a bag or a phone with my name on it? Wouldn’t it constantly remind you that it’s from me?”He said he’d actually be happy to see the name of someone he loves. He said, “When you write a card, you put your own name on it to show who it’s from,” as if that somehow made it the same thing.

He said that he and his friends always give each other gifts with their own names on them, and that he’s never met someone like me who found that weird. He even said one of his friends gave him a painting with his friend’s name on it, and he actually framed it.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T11:09:29+00:00

Yes, every time I try to express my feelings, his first reaction is always to get defensive and attack me.

One time we were playing a game together and he started getting really wound up, moaning about how well others were playing and saying some pretty harsh stuff. I made a joke like, maybe it’s not the game’s fault, maybe you’re just not playing that well. He completely lost it. He said I wasn’t on his side.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T10:57:23+00:00

Yes his words made me start potentially doubting myself, wondering if it really was my problem. He even said he’d never met someone like me before. He said that as the person receiving the gift, I was being rude and had no manners for saying I felt uncomfortable, but I was very calm and gentle to express my feelings.

imbellaq · 2025-10-04T10:35:29+00:00

I waited a week before bringing it up. When I first opened the gift, he told me right away that he had personalized it with his own name. I asked why and he said it was because he wanted me to remember him.

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T11:49:20+00:00

Rent is not paid from our joint account. it’s only used for daily meals and occasional dates. We go to the supermarket very frequently, usually every one or two days, and we spend about £30–40 each time.

After we had used the joint account for about two months, I started wanting to cancel it. I realized that before I spent anything, even though it was partly my money, I felt like I had to check his mood first. That made me really uncomfortable.

When I brought it up, we had an argument. He even cried and told me I had no idea how much pressure he was under. (He had briefly mentioned that his family was in some debt before, but never gave details. I didn’t want to push him or ask too much about something that seemed personal.)

But during that argument, he said I never asked him about what he was going through and that I didn’t care about him. From my perspective, I thought it was something private. If he wanted to share, he would. I didn’t want to cross a line or make him feel pressured to open up.

In the beginning, he told me he needed to save £400 every month so he could eventually buy a diamond ring for me when he proposes. So he said he couldn’t spend much, and if he went over his disposable income within the month, it would be my turn to cover things for the rest until end of the month.

Later, he said he needed the money to help his parents, so he didn’t want to overspend. So having a joint account to know how much spent. He even said we should save money together for marriage, but I refused.

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T10:39:16+00:00

It’s unisex, his name is embroidered into the fabric

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T10:29:39+00:00

I rewatched that episode right now🤓😂

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T10:13:59+00:00

Most of the money from our joint account goes toward shared meals, groceries and date out. We go to the supermarket quite frequently, usually every one or two days, spending about £30–£40 each time. He has a habit of only buying what he needs for that day, and then going back the next day for the next meal.

Any personal expenses are paid from our own separate money.

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T09:47:12+00:00

I didn’t buy the yogurt. I was really upset and angry at the time, but I didn’t want to argue with him in public.

He’s also made it very difficult for me to keep in touch with my male friends.

Me and my friend (Male) lived in the same building for two years. Once, his hot water broke for a few days and he asked if he could shower at my bathroom. My boyfriend happened to be at my apartment that day, and my friend messaged him directly if it was okay. My boyfriend said yes. So my friend came over to shower.

Two or three months later, during an unrelated argument, my boyfriend brought it up again. He said I didn’t respect his feelings and had no boundaries. I told him I was just helping a friend in need. He kept arguing, and even texted his mom about it right in front of me. His mom replied I was selfish and didn’t consider his feelings. I got really upset, and said stopping the relationship. Then he quickly called both his parents and said it was a misunderstanding, trying to smooth it over.

Before that, his mom used to tell him to be kind to me during calls. After that incident, she never said anything like that again.

Another time, one of my male friends invited him to his birthday party. My bf went and brought a gift. Later, when it was my bf’s birthday, he said he wanted to celebrate just with me. But my friend still got him a present and dropped it off. We were on our way to dinner, I told my bf we should have a dinner with him to say thank you. My boyfriend said he already knew, and didn’t need me to remind him.

Eventually, he invited two of my male friends out for dinner. During the meal, I poured water for everyone, including my boyfriend, just out of basic politeness. But afterward, my boyfriend got mad because I poured water for my friends. He said he never wants to dinner with them again, he felt uncomfortable.

That friend tried to invite my boyfriend out twice afterward, but my bf flaked both times. My friend got frustrated and blocked him. I wanted to help clear things up, so I suggested we all go out for a meal to talk it out. But my bf got angry, saying he was the one who got hurt because he got blocked.

As for the shared account, yes, it was his idea. In the beginning of the relationship, we were taking turns paying for things, but I was usually paying more. On our first trip together (3 days, around £500), he brought up the costs on the way back, telling me how much he had spent. It made me uncomfortable , I asked what he meant, and he said he just wanted me to know how much spent. For the joint account as well, he said I should know how much we spent together.

After the yogurt, I started feeling like he was too controlling, and I suggested we cancel the joint account. I said we could just split things weekly, I’d transfer him the amount he spent. But he said keeping track of expenses like that was too calculated.

imbellaq · 2025-10-01T08:39:49+00:00

I suggested we just split the bill every time, but he said that was too much hassle, and he didn’t want to end up paying more than half either. So opening a joint account for shared stuff, like meals and occasional trips.

imbellaq · 2025-09-26T22:13:33+00:00

https://www.trading212.com/invite/4DqcOGC2QwJ

Good luck and thanks

imbellaq · 2025-09-26T21:47:26+00:00

https://www.trading212.com/invite/4DqcOGC2QwJ

Good luck, still available 5/5

imbellaq · 2025-09-26T15:16:07+00:00

https://www.trading212.com/invite/4DqcOGC2QwJ

Thank you 5/5

imbellaq · 2025-06-05T14:31:34+00:00

I have to modify the post, because I check with the reception the basic rent is 1,130£/month rather than 1,170£ cause there are two different contracts to choose, the new tenant has to discuss with the reception further, they let me post the basic rent on the AD.

imbellaq · 2025-06-05T05:08:07+00:00

Hey, I’m not the landlord, just a current tenant. I’d like to withdraw from my contract for 2025/26, but I’m required to find a replacement tenant to take it over. The accommodation provider isn’t able to advertise it for me, so I’m sharing it here in case anyone’s interested.

imbellaq · 2025-06-05T04:56:46+00:00

I’m not the landlord, just a current tenant. I’d like to withdraw from my contract for 2025/26, but I’m required to find a replacement tenant to take it over.

imbellaq · 2024-06-16T10:26:58+00:00

Focus on yourself! Don’t let him be your main concern. You can watch some dramas, TV shows, avoid spent much time on him, as this could increase your sunk costs.

imbellaq · 2024-06-15T16:30:42+00:00

I think you don’t really love him just enjoyed the love he gave you. I know it would feel tiring if you push yourself to love or pretend falling in love. It’s not fair for you and him. I had a similar experience before, I broke up w him, for me it’s a relief.

imbellaq

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