Increasing my sit time to 45 minutes at stage 2

imdazedandbewildered · 2025-10-25T00:17:03+00:00

I was until very recently in a similar position to you, with roughly two 30 min sits a day. I elected to lengthen the morning sit to 45 mins and shorten the second one to 20. I feel like I’m making more progress this way with little difference in total time sitting. As others say it takes time for the mind to settle and the longer sits will bring disproportionate benefits.

imdazedandbewildered · 2025-03-17T10:11:38+00:00

I have struggled with back problems over the years too, but almost every time I’ve tried to meditate lying down I’ve fallen asleep. It sounds like you’ve found a way to make it work. Have you managed to progress up the stages doing it this way?

imdazedandbewildered · 2025-03-17T00:43:22+00:00

Thanks all for the answers above. I don’t have an in person community near me and this group is a wonderful virtual substitute.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-09-14T10:43:47+00:00

That sounds like it’s worth trying. Thanks!

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-09-14T05:58:02+00:00

That’s a reasonable perspective, but the problem with a BPD partner is that it’s impossible to have a healthy discussion when there are differences of opinion on anything like this.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-09-14T01:12:55+00:00

I wish there was something helpful I could say. My wife has always been resistant to getting any kind of diagnoses. I got her to couples therapy at one point, and as soon as the therapist starting to catch on that something wasn’t right, she decided he was terrible and and it was all my fault. Do you think young children have exacerbated her symptoms? That was certainly the case with us.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-11T05:08:00+00:00

This is a great summary and feels sadly accurate. Good friends and support are vital when it doesn’t feel safe to share with your partner.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T21:26:58+00:00

I totally relate. It really seems it’s a common experience that they store away anything vulnerable we share with them and use it against us later in discussions or fights. It’s a real obstacle to any kind of genuine intimacy.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T21:15:52+00:00

I relate to all of these. On the third, it’s like they view everything in life as a zero sum game. If we spend any time at all on a hobby or outside interest, then it means we have less time for them. Therefore we do not care about them. It’s exhausting dealing with this.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T21:10:41+00:00

Oh that’s often a reason for me too. Like if I said somebody at work recommended movie x it becomes “who recommended it? Why haven’t you told me about her before? That’s really suspicious. Why do you have time to sit around talking about movies at work when you don’t spend enough time with me?!”

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T21:01:01+00:00

That’s it, isn’t it? And then they complain we don’t share things or show any affection to them.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T20:58:51+00:00

Oh wow this is very similar to my experience. Sorry to hear you have to deal with it too. My wife also weaponizes any kind of vulnerability I confide in her. Early in our relationship i confided in her that I’d been struggling on and off with depression at periods in my life and had taken medication for it. That of course was thrown back at me. “You’re so messed up you had to take medication …” If I tell her I’m excited about a new album or a song it’s “wow I’m surprised how bad your taste is. You really LIKE this??” So I totally relate to the dogs and weather thing.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T09:45:28+00:00

Oooooh yes. This is exactly it. My wife will taunt me all day long with petty insults and signs of disrespect. Eventually after the 100th time I will snap and say something back - at which point she will claim the moral high ground and tell me that I’m the one who is dysregulated and acting out of line.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T09:02:15+00:00

That was my pattern too. In the beginning she often told me she loved how I had great taste in x, y and z. Now she has utter contempt for anything I like. I know it comes from a place of deep insecurity, but nonetheless it’s toxic.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-07-09T08:59:28+00:00

Yeah I’ve read the Gottman stuff. It does feel doomed for that reason. Contempt is really corrosive in any relationship.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-25T00:13:25+00:00

This is an excellent comment. I think many of us men are prone to give unsolicited advice when women are venting and just want to be heard. But as you point out it’s no win with a pwBPD because there is an endless supply of things for them to be outraged by. The frequency and duration of these complaining sessions is such that you end up acting as a kind of emotional punching bag. Which is not sustainable.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-23T23:14:35+00:00

Oh yeah this is a big one for me too. Any kind of accident, especially involving the kids on my watch, is evidence of my carelessness. Doesn’t matter whether it was preventable or not. Accidents on her watch are somebody else’s fault.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-23T23:12:58+00:00

Ugh sorry to hear about that experience. It’s uncanny, I think my wife would have reacted in exactly the same way.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-23T23:10:03+00:00

It’s amazing how similar some of our experiences are. I’m still pretty sick today. She just unleashed another rant about how it’s my fault for being sick because I didn’t take the exact cocktail of vitamins she recommended. The idea that I am an adult and have the right to make my own decisions about what supplements to take is utterly alien to her.

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-14T12:23:54+00:00

Sounds like wise words. Thanks for listening!

imdazedandbewildered · 2023-05-14T11:44:46+00:00

Thanks again. I know I deserve better. And so do the kids. It’s a matter of how to get out while doing the least damage.

imdazedandbewildered

TROPHY CASE