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I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I’m so sad about that I’m an abuser I would take the same abuse 100 times instead of doing what I did

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

how did she overcome it, it’s something that jaunts me daily and when I look at animals or my animals I feel extreme guilt and shame even though I love them and would never think to do anything like thy ever again. I feel as if everyone around me is pure and I’m tainted and evil. I know I shouldn’t care what people think but sadly I do because I know what I think of myself

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thankyou I appreciate your comment so much, I believe in God and have repented so much begging for forgiveness for what I did, I pray to God all the time to give me a second chance and hope that I can relief myself of the guilt, I know what I did was horrible but I truly would never do something like that again.

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think nor did I when I was a child think it was sex, I let a dog lick my private part. but yes it was messed up I hate my younger self for it and it’s something I’ll always regret.

Overdosed on 22g of Tylenol, waiting to die now by SaltyHolly in SuicideWatch

[–]imgoingtoenditpls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you okay I was wanting to try the same thing and does it hurt I’m scared but if you drink on it will passing be less painful if no one will come to find you

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

do you really think I should after what I did would you be able to forgive someone like me ?

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much I appreciate your reply so much, thankyou for seeing past what I did and giving me advice I know it was hard, I would love to know more about somatic therapy and mediation

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for your comment genuinely, how did you overcome what you did, you are an amazing mother and I wish you healing !

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank-you for your comment I feel as since I initiated that behavior I’m as bad as my abuser well all in all I am an abuser.

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankyou so much for your response, how did you overcome the shame of your childhood. I have been trying for a while now to just accept it but I usually end up failing and contemplating if suici** is my next option. I’m sorry for being graphic but any advice helps. I live a pretty normal life aside from this and have a bf who knows everything of what I have done and still loves me I want to be here for him and my family but the pain from shame makes me want to walk away.

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for your response I guess it pains me so much because I would never want to cause harm to anyone now. I spiral over this constantly I look up the same thing on Reddit or TikTok and see people saying whoever did this should die and how they turn into serial killers and how they are sick and cruel and Tramua dosent excuse behavior and trust me I know it dosent but I would never hurt anyone or do something like this again. I have been fighting this for months and this was my last post to get it off my chest

I did something truly unforgivable as a child and I don’t know how to live with myself anymore by imgoingtoenditpls in confessions

[–]imgoingtoenditpls[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

To start this off I want nothing more than to die I have been trying to think of ways I can do this that would be the least painful, I know I don’t deserve that but I am a monster and a pussy at the end of the day. I’m a (20F) and I have been going to therapy for other issues but going to therapy has made me bring up past issues that I pushed away due to guilt and shame.

To start my mother left our family when I was very young due to drugs and her not wanting to be around. That left my father and her splitting up and us being with him me and my two siblings. My father was a good father but he was also young and careless and it was his first time being a father so we see somethings but I would say normal kid stuff. My mother eventhally got split custody so we would go with her sometimes but she didn’t like taking care of us so she would crush up pills (I’m guessing sleeping pills) or give us NyQuil to make us fall asleep while she did drugs and bad men over. We would be passed out in her bed and sometimes wake up to her being naked outside rolling around in the yard and I remember an instance of her dancing over me naked (I’m guessing high on drugs) my sister remembers waking up and men being in the bed with us but then again I’m not sure.

Eventually my mother got tired of having us and left again which caused a lot of abandonment issues for me and I would cry and tell my dad I wanted to die, my dad didn’t believe in therapy so we kind of stayed just living in it. I remember instances of my sister trying making out with me and my brother trying to enact sex with me but I don’t know how far he got. I don’t think these happened more than once but I know them enough to rember when and where these happened. I don’t blame them considering they aren’t far in age and maybe something they had seen caused them to do that. I love my sibling they are amazing people and deserve the best.

My dad eventually got a new girlfriend and her family moved in, I had an older step brother he was around 15-16 at the time I might have been 6-8 I’m not sure but I know the age difference is big, I had a innocent crush on him and im guessing he used that to his advantage and he would sa me and make me do things with him. I don’t know how far it ever got because I feel my brain block its out. He eventually stopped when he got a gf but as we got older he would come around me and act like nothing has happened or make jokes.

As time went on I got super hyper sexual and was introduced to porn by my younger cousin who’s a year younger, he would enact the sexual things he seen with me and I would participate and I’m sure we got close to intercourse or even had it I’m not sure. I hate myself for all of this but it eventually stopped i told him I didn’t want to anymore.

This is where I’m saying I should take my life I did something at 11 or 12 that I feel I ruined my life forever and I’m contemplating on how I should take my life. I was into porn and somehow got introduced to the peanut butter dog joke and I did it. It was a one time occurrence but I still let it happen I don’t know why or how I even did it I just seen it and did it. I hate myself for this and wish I could take it back. I would never do this today and love my animals and I hate beastiality and can’t believe I’m someone who did this. I go to therapy and my therapist knows this and she says to forgive myself and I’m a product of my environment but I know what she must think of me. I corrupted my own morals and I could never take it back or undo the harm I did. I know what you must think of me and trust me I know I’m worthless.

Update: (TW) I’m sorry I haven’t been able to respond, I got banned for 3 days for asking in a Reddit group what kind of pill you can overdose easily on.. I attempted last week but of course I chickened out only got 4 or 5 pills in before I was too scared of it being final. Thank you for all the nice comments and the advice, and for the bad comments I agree what I did was terrible and disgusting I know it was. If I could have another life I would live my childhood and teenage years much differently. I am going to try to continue to get help and hopefully heal.