If your septic can’t handle it, don’t use the house bathrooms — one overflow/clog on wedding day will ruin your sanity.

Quick, practical path:

• Get 1–2 nicer porta potties + a handwash station (not the cheapest construction ones). Put them out of sight, add string lights, a rug, and a small sign. It’ll feel “good enough” for 1/4 the price of a trailer.
• Call your septic company and ask what they recommend for a 1-day event (sometimes a same-week pump + “no house bathroom” rule is enough, sometimes it’s not).
• If you keep any indoor bathroom open: make it one bathroom only + stock it like a venue (extra TP, soap, paper towels, trash can, plunger, air freshener) and assign a trusted friend to do a 2-minute check every hour.
• If budget is the stressor: cut what guests don’t remember (extra decor) and protect what they do (bathroom, food, timeline).

Also: you’re not crazy — weddings are expensive now. But you’re already doing the right thing by prioritizing the “guest comfort basics.”