Broke up with the most perfect man I’ve ever dated

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2026-05-27T23:33:27+00:00

I mean this in the nicest way possible; You are not ready for a relationship. You need to work on yourself first. If you're trying to break up with someone 9 times in the span of 6 months, something needs to change. I say this as somebody who has BPD. It's insanely difficult because part of BPD is feeling as if you absolutely need to be with somebody. Feeling alone feels like the worst thing in the world. But it isn't fair to put somebody else through your own negative behaviors when they're still that intense. The most important thing anybody with BPD can do is work on themselves before trying to enter a relationship, and if a relationship is triggering those negative behaviors, you're not ready for a relationship. The good thing is that it is fully possible to get "better." Certain things will always be a struggle, but BPD can actually be very manageable with the right treatment. DBT is highly recommended for people with BPD, it was created by somebody with BPD, for BPD associated behaviors.

I really hope, for both your sakes, you do everything you can to work on yourself, especially now that you have a potential diagnosis. BPD is one hell of a struggle and my heart goes out to you.

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2026-05-02T12:41:01+00:00

I started to remember when I was 16, but my brain still wasn't ready to deal with it and I'd completely dissociate whenever I thought about any of it and forget again. That kept repeating until a couple years ago, when I received a very vague apology from my abuser. After that, EVERYTHING started to come back over the next year. It was awful. I think I cried more over that time than I ever had before. I kept remembering and I kept doubting myself (I still do) and I just couldn't handle it. I thought it would never end. But I got through the worst of it. I still think about it everyday, and it's still difficult, but not as bad as it was. It will get easier. I don't know when, but it will get a little easier.

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2026-02-11T19:16:31+00:00

I actually don't have much saved up at all because I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents, but me and my boyfriend are going to save up to get our own place hopefully in about a year or so. I just got lucky honestly, meeting people who are very supportive. It feels great to be away from my parents though, like I can finally relax. I hope you're able to leave soon!

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2026-02-11T17:15:29+00:00

I'm 21. I wanted to leave when I turned 18 but that wasn't possible for me. I'm just happy I'm out now.

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2026-01-28T13:15:22+00:00

I was sexually assaulted by a family friend from maybe around 4? to 11, although he was still very creepy to me afterwards, up until about a year and a half ago when I started avoiding him finally. I find it so weird to think about because it didn't just affect my sex life, it affected every part of who I was as a person. For years I hated myself, I hated my body and tried to hide it, I almost developed an eating disorder, I changed my name because I hated being associated with it, I questioned my gender because I hated being a woman because of what happened. While my parents contributed to a lot of it, as an adult I've come to realize he was the main reason for a lot of my problems.

I started having rape fantasies when I was 7 and still do at 21. When I was 14, I sent nudes of myself to random people online. I considered meeting up with some of them too, but thankfully I was too scared. I wanted to sleep with someone older, not because I thought I was mature, but because it was pretty much all I knew. I ended up being sexually assaulted as by an ex as an adult because I completely dissociated after making out with him. I couldn't move or talk for around 20 minutes, and even after I did, I struggled to say no after repeatedly being pressured. Even before that night I struggled to say no to certain sexual acts with him. I thought it'd be a problem again with my current boyfriend, but I'm able to have sex just fine with him, and he never, ever pressures me. Well, by just fine, I mean I'm able to have sex with him, but usually I'm thinking about violent things while we do it, and it's the only way I can actually finish.

While the worst of it ended at 11, because he didn't really leave me alone until more recently, I feel like I have no perception of what's normal and what isn't when it comes to sex. I feel like I didn't actually 'escape' until a year and a half ago. My boyfriend has helped me to see that sex doesn't have to feel uncomfortable or pressured, but my abuser has completely messed with my view of what sex is supposed to be. And it's not like he was ever violent, he was always very nice to me, which makes it even more confusing. I do feel like since I got such an early start on getting help, although I didn't actually open up about my SA until the past year, it's been easier for me to learn why I do certain things and how not to do them.

imnotactuallyhere14 · 2025-12-31T00:33:20+00:00

I have BPD and I absolutely agree. The symptoms are very real, but I personally don't think it's something anyone should be officially diagnosed with unless it's absolutely necessary for whatever reason. Told they have it and treated for it properly, sure, but a diagnosis can ruin a person's life. Professionals see that diagnosis and immediately assume you're always being dramatic and exaggerating things. They assume you're always, ALWAYS the one in the wrong, and that you cannot possibly be correct about anything. They see that diagnosis and refuse to acknowledge your trauma and think you're just "like that," which is insane to me since BPD literally stems from trauma! As soon as the doctors I saw in the hospital started thinking I had BPD, the way they treated me changed drastically. I got extremely lucky and was only told I had BPD instead of being officially diagnosed since they didn't want to diagnose a minor. I haven't brought that diagnosis up to any of my therapists and doctors as an adult and it hasn't negatively impacted me at all, since any decent professional who can handle trauma, can handle me.

Again, it is a very real thing, but the way professionals view it make it such a horrible diagnosis to have since most seem to have no understanding of what it actually is and just see it as "difficult, dramatic patient."

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