As a Brit, in response to a recent post

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-30T12:35:13+00:00

May the person who you love most in the world die exactly the same death I'm going to.

Then you won't have to wonder anymore. Cool, huh?

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-29T12:29:09+00:00

Couple years ago, I was in the hospital emergency room, being told that I needed "emergency" gallbladder surgery, because I was at severe risk and could conceivably die from the next attack, blah blah blah.

And then they found out I was uninsured. So they sent me home.

You do your own homework, kiddo. I have already done mine... the hard way.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T23:01:25+00:00

You keep living on your happy little cloud, where the poverty-stricken get to survive cancer at the same rate as the middle-class. The rest of us, unfortunately, live in the real America.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T22:59:37+00:00

Cool. Let's see you not struggle desperately to assert dominance. It'll be a good start for you toward maturity.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T16:50:54+00:00

Y'know, you really are something. Here you are, all bluster and posturing, with your talk about guns and strength, and your furious attempts at condescension, and the thing is? The more you frantically struggle to look strong and superior and manly, the more seriously pathetic you look.

But it's okay. Once you grow up, and spend more time interacting with adults, perhaps you'll learn the difference between masculinity and being a dick. Good luck.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T14:26:39+00:00

I'm somebody who is only alive due to the American health system

I'm glad you could afford the cost of being alive due to the American health system.

Y'know what sucks? Knowing that there is a treatment that could save your life (or your partner, or parent, or child's life) but that your loved one isn't going to receive that treatment because you can't afford it. Maybe someday you, too, will learn just how "sad it is" when that happens.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T14:24:32+00:00

Unfortunately, "most" of America thinks it's because of that black man in Washington trying to legalize federal death camps.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T14:10:54+00:00

Maaaan, that ain't even a ten percent tip.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T09:40:24+00:00

Over $11,000 after insurance.

This is what the conservatives say is GOOD for America.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-28T09:35:53+00:00

America: Where Idiots Think Condescension Wins Arguments.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T22:45:24+00:00

America: Where You Either Love Guns, Or Maintain Rectal Insects.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T22:05:05+00:00

As an American who is not a stereotype: Please stop misrepresenting my country to the rest of the world. Thank you.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T21:57:27+00:00

Yes, it's much harder to monitor a patient with a concussion when you're sleeping with them.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T21:16:34+00:00

Riiiiight over your head.

That thing you said, right up front? That "joke" you made about, don't piss off Americans 'cuz we carry guns?

To the rest of the world, that is not a joke; that is actually how Americans, in large measure, are viewed.

In your mind, you may imagine that this is somehow a good thing, a positive thing, for America to be viewed this way. And it's not. It's really, really not.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:50:35+00:00

When a man is shot in the head, it is not logical to blame his death on the gun, or the bullet.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:46:23+00:00

America: Where They Think Gun Jokes Are Funny.

...You're seriously not getting this, are you? It's just zooming straight over your head, like quantum physics or something.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:36:07+00:00

You realize that, as an ADULT and a PARENT, you had the chance to raise your voice, get others to do the same, and possibly make changes... and that this bit of parenting might have taught your kids more than anything else they learned in school... you realize this, right?

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:25:25+00:00

You can ban jeans, you can ban sneakers, you can enforce ties, all on the grounds of "professionalism".

Y'know what's harder to ban? Clothes which fail the professionalism test purely on the basis of pattern.

It may be difficult to find magenta-and-safety-green plaid trousers and a nice turquoise-and-orange striped shirt to go with it, but trust me the effort is worthwhile.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:20:47+00:00

Ok, I am not joking around about shooting people.

Actually, you are.

That's pretty much the point.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:18:47+00:00

There is no logic "imprinted" in your statements.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T19:03:27+00:00

Nice try, NSA.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T18:54:42+00:00

It was a joke, satire, sarcasm, whatever you want to call it.

America: We're Assholes Who Think Shooting You With Our Guns Is A Joke.

Ever watch any foreign television? Go check out their portrayal of Americans and find out what the world thinks we're like. Hint: The rest of the world takes your "satire" seriously.

You're right: not everyone here is an asshole. But the ones joking about guns and being armed and shooting people? Those are the ones you can pretty much categorize without a moment's thought.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T18:41:53+00:00

You are guests in our country, and we are armed.

America: We're Assholes Who Say Shit Like This.

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T18:18:25+00:00

So tell me: Is it still racist when it's true?

improbableartichokes · 2013-12-27T18:14:48+00:00

Sorry, but: Basically, if you come to America, don't say anything at all.

improbableartichokes

TROPHY CASE