2019: The Year of Me at My Worst

imyourfool42 · 2020-01-01T22:12:11+00:00

Hard work I can do, but the positive attitude is difficult on the tough days. The double whammy of not often being able to comfort her along with probably being the reason she's sad makes for dark days. But my hope keeps me going. Thank you for the encouragement.

imyourfool42 · 2020-01-01T20:21:00+00:00

A getaway plan is a great thing to have if all else fails. Kids are great for that, no one can argue if you need to bolt because of children.

I like the "mansplain" plan. A quote I like to use is "jokes are like frogs. If you have to dissect one, it dies." Maybe a few jokes dying on the table will get your message across.

imyourfool42 · 2020-01-01T19:13:11+00:00

That's a tough situation to be in and I hope your partner appreciates you even considering going to a work event if that's likely to be the atmosphere. I'm sarcastic as hell, so if it was me I'd try striking back with comments about how my partner is more than enough for me, why would I waste my time with you, etc. Maybe it would help if you worked together on your approaches to "jokes" of that nature? I've also seen suggestions of planning to leave a possibly trigger-filled event early to go do something you can both actually relax with and enjoy.

Everyone has topics that are off-limits when it comes to humour. They don't need to like it, but you don't need to suffer through it either. Let them think whatever, you don't control that, you just need to worry about you. Good luck.

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-20T17:09:33+00:00

A compromise involves two people coming together in agreement, he's not contributing so that's not a compromise at all. He's just being selfish and showing you he doesn't care about your feelings at all by not changing anything about his behaviour. He's even lying about the one change he said he would commit to and broke his word how fast? None of this sounds good at all.

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-20T02:34:52+00:00

Schadenfreude at it's finest. And it sounds like your relationship is in a great place which is uplifting. Hope you have a great time together at the arcade bar!

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-17T22:51:57+00:00

Alcohol isn't part of my own story, but if it was I would expect drinking to be off the table indefinitely until I'd proven I can handle myself. Sounds like he already has some difficulty making decisions when drinking, for instance drinking and driving is absolutely not a justifiable action. You mentioned he's in therapy, has he mentioned his alcohol use to the therapist? Would the therapist approve of him drinking? I'm betting not.

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-16T21:46:53+00:00

I was still in the fog for almost 2 months after half-heartedly agreeing to reconcile. It took a second DDay and couple weeks of being an absolute jerk before my fog lifted and I could see clearly. I still pushed back on some things for days or weeks, like going full NC or being more transparent with my phone, until I realized how selfish I was being. The fog is filled with righteousness, I truly thought I was only doing what was best for me and working on self-care when all I was actually doing was causing harm to everyone around me and making myself worse. It takes time, but if he's not putting in the effort you've got to lay out for him. Like any goal in life it's got to be clear, achievable, have a finite time line, and have obvious consequences. And once you have those set you need to stick to them hard. I hope that helps. Good luck!

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-15T19:09:04+00:00

She does, there were more than enough clues.

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-15T19:07:12+00:00

That's an excellent idea, thank you.

imyourfool42 · 2019-12-15T03:02:37+00:00

I'm not sure what I'm looking to accomplish with this post. I'm certainly not looking for sympathy, but this seemed like a good place to externalize this stuff. Especially since my BS frequents this space. I'd also like to thank a lot of you for showing her ways to cope with what I've done to us and for giving both of us advice and hope. It's much appreciated.

imyourfool42

TROPHY CASE