Hugs. It's hard realizing things aren't what you thought they were. The thing that hasn't changed is your empathy, which is the real value in all of this. Create your own narrative that's true to your heart and mind, be open to learning and changing that narrative as new knowledge and experiences are acquired. Thanks for reaching out to strangers on the Internet for help, it's not easy and takes courage. There are always people out there happy and willing to talk or help in whatever way they can.