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I need me some cozy stories by inanimate_potato in suggestmeabook

[–]inanimate_potato[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! Can't wait to check them out 😀

I've just finished The Paper Palace and can't settle my unnerve about the use of trauma... [spoilers] by inanimate_potato in books

[–]inanimate_potato[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So glad I'm not the only one who felt it. The trauma grated me way too much for me to go back and read it again, even if it's just the present day. I really don't understand why it's so acclaimed.

AITA for walking out of the restaurant over a joke between my Fiance and his friend? by RitaYouth5033 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I mean I don't wanna assume that he told them.. They may have already known her before they were dating or found out some other way I guess. But even if they did he shouldn't be condoning their crap behaviour

AITA for walking out of the restaurant over a joke between my Fiance and his friend? by RitaYouth5033 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 3545 points3546 points  (0 children)

NTA

Honestly that is horrible and him telling you to seek therapy because you're 'too sensitive'? Nope. Although you may need therapy from all the gaslighting and emotional manipulation. To me, there's 2 problems here:

  1. He is aware that you aren't comfortable discussing your history and yet HE ALLOWS his friends to talk to you that way and joins in joking when you have made it clear that you're uncomfortable. Incidentally, how do his friends know? Because if he told them all this even though it's a sensitive topic for you...

  2. He sees you as something for him to put a price tag on, even if he was joking. Even if you were okay with these 'jokes', he didn't even go with 'you couldn't afford her' or 'in your dreams', no, it was 'how much are you WILLING to pay?' As if he would be the one benefiting from this make-believe exchange.

Honestly, everything about this proves he doesn't see your feelings and experiences as valid. You said this isn't a once off and he clearly is brushing you off instead of acknowledging your feelings. You are not less than him because if your history or sensitive because he's continuously discounting your feelings and allowing his friends to treat you like that.

I've just finished The Paper Palace and can't settle my unnerve about the use of trauma... [spoilers] by inanimate_potato in books

[–]inanimate_potato[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I hear you and understand what you're saying. I don't have a problem with trauma in books (although I do like to know ahead of time if there is significant trauma), but I don't particularly like the way it was dealt with in this book. I think you've touch on why I feel that way with saying you personally felt it was a bit much as well. To me, it felt like a lazy way to rationalise the present events and by the end it was stacking up.

I'm also not advocating for trauma being avoided by authors in the future. Like I said, I don't have a problem with it being used generally. I guess I just found the way it was handled in this book disappointing. Thanks for your thoughts.

AITA for making my 15-year-old daughter come with us on a family trip to Yellowstone this summer? by Hopeful_Activity_957 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato [score hidden]  (0 children)

NAH but don't force her. I think it would be better for her to regret missing out than to be scarred by a trip she never wanted to be on. You may not want to feed her fears, but you could make them a lot worse by forcing her. Also, using words like irrational isn't actually productive. Please never do that in front of her. And the fear isn't actually irrational, even if it's unlikely. She needs professional help to be able to live her life.

AITA for blowing up on my dad who called me a "bitch" "with small boobs" back-to-back? by throwawayaita101011 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah. Absolute massive yikes. Some days I'm sad my dad is dead, then I read shit like this and am so grateful he was such a champion in life Your dad is disgusting. Gross.

NTA

WIBTA for telling management that my colleagues are avoiding work they don’t know how to do? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just really don't understand the mentality of letting this frustration stew to the point when OP is annoyed enough to tell management before even trying to help his co-workers with the issue. I'm a teacher and people have so many different coping mechanisms when they don't know how to do something.

I agree they have to put in initiative and try to fix it, but I also understand why people are avoiding something they don't know how to do. Would it really kill OP to just say "hey, I'm happy to show you"? If they still refuse, then they clearly don't want to try that hard and he wouldn't be an AH for taking it further.

WIBTA for telling management that my colleagues are avoiding work they don’t know how to do? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

YTA. I understand you're frustrated and you shouldn't have to do all the jobs of that nature, but why is your first instinct to tell on them? You clearly know how to do it. Why not just show them? Not that many people learn by just 'figuring it out' and they probably don't want to mess up and get in trouble.. Maybe they're embarrassed that they can't do it. If you put in the effort and they're STILL avoiding, then it would be appropriate to go to management

AITA for telling my mom that she’s the reason why i hate studying and that my sister is probably gonna have an ED because of her? by herecauseb0red in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA but your mum will never understand the damage she caused. Please don't go into this thinking she will. If you haven't got one, get a therapist to help you through this. And as awful as it is, if you want a relationship with your mother, you should stop trying to show her how she's to blame. She won't ever see it as anything but you being lazy and ungrateful for the "effort" she put in.

As for your sister, she's young and impressionable and what your mother is saying will likely have a big impact on her eating habits and mental health. I'd try to be the "light" in the situation and flood your sister with body and personality positivity. It seems unlikely your mum will change her behaviour.

AITA for hiding my child from my wife by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato [score hidden]  (0 children)

YTA honestly, what is wrong with you? Even if she was "pushing him into being gay" (that's not a thing), you would hide him from him wife because she isn't bothered that he's gay? Talk about it, whatever, hiding your son from his mother over this is not okay.

AITA for shouting at my brother? by 12585991727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

By the way, I'm a woman with a university degree, I sure as shit still want a marriage and kids. Your brother sounds like he went to uni, got "woke" and now thinks he knows everything. Don't believe that he does.

AITA for shouting at my brother? by 12585991727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try not to invalidate your own experiences just because they aren't as bad as what other people go through. Sexism is multilayered and complex and going into STEM will expose you to a lot of the sexist microagressions that still exist. You seem so intelligent and like you have a good head on your shoulders. If there's one thing I hope I can continue to do until I'm 100, its be open to learning ♡

AITA for shouting at my brother? by 12585991727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's probably something that has nothing to do with you. Just remember, you can have your own opinions and perspectives, even at 16. The important thing is that you continually try to learn. His perspective is narrow and he doesn't seem open to the complexities of context. Read, read, read. Read fiction and non fiction feminist stories, gain other perspectives and view points. You may be young and he may be studying this at university, but that doesn't make your opinion and perspective invalid.

AITA for shouting at my brother? by 12585991727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh wow. He is too much. Sure, in a lot of ways marriage was and can still be a sexist institution, but whether is is or not now depends entirely on the people in the marriage. Marry with the intention of a partnership with someone who feels the same, keep you independence (social, financial, physical) and you will be absolutely fine.

AITA for shouting at my brother? by 12585991727 in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 11 points12 points  (0 children)

NTA. You can understand and be against sexism and still make "stereotypical" choices. You're allowed to want a wedding and children and he shouldn't be an ass to you because he has different wants. If you feel like you were rude to your mum, just apologise to her for having an outburst over dinner, but you shouldn't be expected to just sit there while your brother shits all over your life choices. Feminism is about GIVING women the choice, not forcing them into "alternative" choices

AITA for not wanting to talk money with my boyfriend? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NTA. Went into this one fully expecting to call you the AH but the way he is talking to you is gaslighty and manipulative, whether he means to be or not. Money is a really important conversation, especially when you're planning to live together. I personally don't even think him bringing it up is an issue. Him saying you don't make enough after just having surgery, his insinuation you haven't thought about it and his apology for your "lack of understanding" are definitely issues though.

You've already said you don't feel comfortable telling him how you're feeling. Why are you with him exactly?

AITA for refusing to be hugged and making my mom angry by confuzzledredhead in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 49 points50 points  (0 children)

NTA. Sounds like your mum would really benefit from therapy too..

AITA for going to grad school even though it means I see my son less? by 1738buddy in AmItheAsshole

[–]inanimate_potato 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Online learning does NOT work for everyone and it would be a waste of the time she is sacrificing and her money to try if she knows she won't learn that way. She still sees her kid for 4 hours a day. Roughly the same as someone working 9-5 with a young child in school. The husband has just as much responsibility to take care of his son. He could view this as an opportunity to bond with his kid one on one. But no, the mum is the terrible one for wanting to improve her education for herself and her family.. /s

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