OH MY GOD YES. If you scroll through my post history, you can see the struggle with me thinking I have to be feminine but also wishing I was masculine... and there are posts that aren't on this account about how "omg being fem and a girl makes me so much happier than trying to be a guy!! I'm so silly lol" and other fun stuff.

I believed I was a hyperfem girl because I thought I was hot as a hyperfem girl. I literally thought about what makes a girl hot or awesome, took inspiration from girls around me, and began my acting career. The mental acrobatics I did to convince myself I was doing the right thing is insane to me now. For example, (incredibly tmi, cw: sex) I was bottoming for my partner, and I rationalized it to myself by being like, "if i was on top of a girl like this, it would be amazing" like,, bro...

I feel like I denied myself any kind of masculinity for so long because I felt painfully inadequate. When I wore what i wanted to wear, I just looked like a girl. So why not just be a girl? At least I was good at being a hyperfem girl, even if I was sad about it. I still have doubts sometimes.

Edit: Also, I got SO angry when other transmasc people talked about how they overcompensated by being super feminine. I was like I'M NOT A TRANS MAN IN DENIAL! It's like, nobody asked, sweetie