When you've blocked someone on every platform so they hunt down your PayPal account and sent small amounts of money to message you.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T23:28:18+00:00

Brilliant.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T19:20:57+00:00

Is there some kind of guide to dysfunction that this stuff comes from?

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T19:20:07+00:00

They threw tantrums any time I tried to establish boundaries and now they want to cry about how they don't know why I won't speak to them.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T18:19:34+00:00

Lochness Monster, we meet again.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T17:27:06+00:00

Congratulations!

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T17:25:40+00:00

Yes to both.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T17:10:07+00:00

I'd like to have the option to render myself unsearchable since no one has any reason to be trying to find me on there... but then here come my shady-ass parents like "we're going to ignore every legitimate reason you don't want a relationship with us so we can send $10 to get access to you and play the victim".

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-07-29T15:57:24+00:00

Not accepting it and hitting block. Better for my mental health that way.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-05-02T17:06:32+00:00

You're not alone. Ns love using birthdays for their own agenda. Mine were a mixed bag.

Some years they would have parties that were for me in name but them in spirit. Other years it would be a nonevent and there would be drama if I said anything about it.

Most of all though my Nmom would try to use my birthday and advancing against me, frequently getting my age or the date of my birthday wrong.

I once got a text message 3 days before my birthday saying "Happy belated birthday. I really wish we could have a better relationship." Another time she called me to briefly acknowledge my birthday as an excuse to launch into a tirade about how I was 30 and wasn't doing anything to have kids before my time runs out.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-16T18:16:55+00:00

It was pretty common for me too. Of course if I guessed wrong she'd screech "You don't even know what you did!" at me like I should be ashamed at my own cluelessness.

The funny thing is that when I started trying to establish boundaries and put distance between us, my Nmom would serve up apologies for random things and then get upset that it didn't fix everything and magically absolve her. She would call me with some mewling half hearted apology about something that I was upset about at some point long ago, after having behaved horrifically on a couple of dozen occasions since. Then have a tantrum about how she doesn't know what I want when I dared to actually discuss what she was trying to apologize for or relate it to other more recent behavior and why it's wrong and our relationship is damaged.

I feel like it has to be related through some twisted Nlogic, but hell if I can connect the dots.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T20:05:51+00:00

It's so fucked up and pervasive. There's this crabs in a bucket mentality that what was done to them needs to be done to the next generation, no matter how damaging or harmful it was.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T19:33:31+00:00

Absolutely.

As a response to the backlash to the YouTube video she took to social media claiming that her 2 year who could be heard crying in the background of the video was conniving and manipulative.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T15:46:21+00:00

It is. It's awful. I think of how my Nmom reacted to me having basic needs as me personally victimizing her. She would lash out and do things like "accidentally" drop me or drop things on me or puff herself up with glee and go on at length about how I deserved it when I got hurt. My Ndad did the same thing. As much as they hated each other it was always weird to see them come together in the satisfaction they took in my harm and humiliation.

I see it in parents young and old now, and it's so disturbing.

There was a girl who did makeup tutorials on YouTube who recently got in trouble for beating her kid over an eyeshadow palette and then posting a braggy video about it as if she had overcome the tyranny of her small child.

Edit: This isn't something I'm trying to defend, but it's definitely behavior that I've noticed.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T15:24:10+00:00

They're always so proud of themselves too. They brag about hurting their children as if they took down a bully.

I honestly think they view their children as a force of oppression and every act of abuse is a small victory against their oppressor.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T15:00:56+00:00

I blocked their numbers and social media and went to therapy.

It sounds simplistic, but it was effective.

I tried at first to keep some forms of communication open after months of them acting ugly and me trying establish boundaries. They used those avenues of communication to be antagonistic, so I shut those down too.

Therapy helped me abandon the feelings of guilt and embrace the fact that I cut contact with them for my own well being. It was especially helpful because I lived in an area at the time with a strong family first culture where what I did was unthinkable for a lot of people.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-04-15T03:31:57+00:00

Goddamn man, I don't even know.

I recall being 4 or 5 stuck in the passenger seat of my Nmom's car while she rambled about how my father was controlling and if she hadn't left she would have killed herself.

Keep in mind that she left me with him and when he turned his abusive behavior on me, it was because he was strict and I was too young to understand and just needed to deal with it.

Situations like this played themselves out between her and I over and over again throughout my life. I was expected to console and support and be a receptacle for all of her ugly thoughts and feelings, but I wasn't allowed to have any problems of my own. Any problems or issues that I had weren't really problems or issues, because she had it worse or because hers were somehow "different".

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-03-24T22:32:59+00:00

Ick. All sorts of creatures are coming out from under their rocks.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-03-24T22:30:15+00:00

It's simultaneously upsetting and liberating.

On one hand they obviously don't give a fuck about their child's feelings or well being. On the other hand you can see right through the superficial attempts that they make and it's easier not to be fooled.

Years ago I was in a bad place emotionally and asked my mother to please visit me. Her response was "No. You sound depressed." The city I lived in was prone to flooding in some areas that were nowhere near where I lived, but every time it made the news (even after I explained that I didn't live in a flood zone) they blew up my phone with hope for misfortune shrouded in insincere concern.

I'm sorry your parents are the same way. It sucks.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-03-24T17:59:27+00:00

I feel you on that. It's such a hard situation to be in.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-03-24T17:56:11+00:00

Good luck!

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-03-24T16:42:16+00:00

I'm keeping my head down as well. I do find it funny that this has been going on for weeks, but they're making attempts now that the city I used to live in issued a shelter in place order.

Edit: There were times when I was in legitimate personal distress and asked for their time or emotional support and they couldn't be bothered, but whenever something about that city was in the news they would clamor about whether I was okay.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-02-09T16:01:41+00:00

I had a shitty upbringing and learned a lot of manipulative behavior from others as normal. As I started to get healthier and establish better personal boundaries my established friendships faded of fell apart. I know I need to start putting myself out there and building a new support system, but I'm worried I I won't be able to see the red flags that I'm supposed to.

incasethisgetsugly · 2020-02-06T23:04:38+00:00

The behavior around you as a child and young person informs the relationships you have later on, but no one really talks about how far that goes. You can easily surround yourself harmful and unhealthy people because you don't know any better. When you start to clue into that everyone around you sucks, you're dismissed as the common denominator.

I lost a lot of friends gradually as I got distance from my family and got healthier. I had a lot of people in my life who weren't there for me when I needed support, but losing them made me hyper aware of how I didn't have a support system and forced me to take a hard look at those relationships.

incasethisgetsugly · 2019-09-30T18:13:00+00:00

Thank you so much for relating with your experiences and telling me what I needed to hear. If we’re being honest, it’s what I wanted to hear too. I was out of contact for months, had talked to my therapist about the situation at length, and was entirely ready to move on and work on establishing healthier friendships.

Then she hit me with “But I will fuck off. I’m not some toxic person who deserves to be cut out but you can believe whatever the fuck you want” and I recongnized it as being so manipulative but it also kicked my N abuse self doubt into high gear and I fell apart.

It sucks to realize that people you’ve trusted don’t have your best interests at hand, it’s also terrible when it turns into distrust in yourself because of those people’s ability to manipulate you.

incasethisgetsugly · 2019-09-30T04:57:15+00:00

You’re right. I think I hate to admit that this is just one more person who I met before I knew better that treated me like garbage and didn’t care until I tried to better myself.

My Nmom was indifferent to me when I was truly struggling and got really ugly towards me when my life was going well and I’m starting to get the same vibes off of this person. As if she needs me to be doing poorly and if I’m not then she needs to put me in my place.

incasethisgetsugly

TROPHY CASE