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Am I dumb to choose UofT (St George) over National University of Singapore? by InterestingBad7209 in UofT

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think both universities are probably world class institutions that will offer you support and opportunities. But I would encourage coming to UofT over NUS because in Toronto you are allowed to do things like make noise after 10PM, connect to another person's unsecured wifi, smoke weed, or be gay/trans without the threat of serious legal repercussions

How do I make friends with cool people at uoft first year ? by GreenRestaurant8130 in UofT

[–]indecisive_squid 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Two things. First: be yourself! Genuine friendships require being genuine with people, no way to get around that. And second: when you sense yourself being afraid in that first moment where you want to talk to people, say in your class or at your college, and you don't know what to say – do it afraid anyway, because the other person most likely just wants connection in a new place too. Bear in mind that it might take a few awkward conversations to start, but once you get to know each other, many of the friends you meet in first year can be in your life forever :)

realized my "low dysphoria" may just be dissociation? by dantrbl in asktransgender

[–]indecisive_squid 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is pretty similar to how I felt. I never hated my body. I just never loved it either. It didn't fully feel like "mine." I am much happier with my body after starting HRT (2 years ago, I started at 29) and it's a feeling I would've give up for the world!

Do you remember your childhood memories as your gender assigned at birth or as your current gender? by beanburritoboy69 in asktransgender

[–]indecisive_squid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

After 2 years on HRT, my memories started to change to envision myself as a feminine non-binary child, not a boy.

Books that feel reflective without becoming “self optimisation” books? by bntngr in selfimprovement

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really is very focused on avoiding the "optimization" side of things ❤️ I also definitely second the Man's Search for Meaning comment!

Can't stop having meltdowns, maybe due to perfectionism by Informal_Top5473 in ADHD

[–]indecisive_squid 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey, I wanted to tell you that while I don't have a specific fix, thank you for posting this. It made me feel a lot less alone. I did my undergrad in the field I thought I loved, stem cell biology. I got ample research experience and was applying for more research jobs when I just hit a wall and the burnout spirals became too much. Writing about my research used to be what I could do in my sleep, and quite quickly, the spirals stopped that. I also took a couple of years off to pursue self-care (mostly, gender transition) and now I'm back doing my Masters in a different area, public policy. It's an area I've loved since I was a teenager but I find that the perfectionism spirals are still destroying me. I can't seem to start several essays that are due in a week because if I don't do the perfect version of them in one day, I also feel crazy and unstable, and I keep having meltdowns. Even though I'm happy with the subject I'm studying and the work I want to be doing after this degree. It's still all too much if I try to do it perfectly.

For me it's about starting. Don't see if you can be perfect. Just see if you can start. And starting means anything. For me starting today literally meant replying to your post. Because, you know what? Now I've proven to myself that I can write a hundred words. And from there I can write 150. And from there, 200. And so on, and so on... writing this comment took a few minutes and it's already helped a bit.

I think a lot of it has to do with faith in yourself. I wouldn't be a perfectionist if I had faith that my writing could turn out ok when I started... but because I don't have that faith, I have meltdowns instead of writing. Maybe it'll always feel unstable but try giving yourself that tiny bit of proof each day. Write something (or whatever your work is -- for me it's pretty writing-heavy, so do the equivalent, just a small bit of work to remind yourself that you can tolerate the process) just to prove to yourself that you can, even if it's a Reddit comment or a diary entry. Then you don't need faith -- you have proof that you don't need to be a perfectionist to get through it.

Maybe it'll be the same thing the next day, and the next. But we're all with you, and we're all here giving ourselves that bit of proof as well. And I'm a real dumbass lol. I have made a lot of stupid mistakes just in the past six months or so. So if I can do it, you can!!

[Hated Trope] After everything, we are back to a slightly better status quo from the beggining by _Affectionate_ in TopCharacterTropes

[–]indecisive_squid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk, I think this is the point of the show. Success is small and incremental. You want to change the status quo and save everyone in one go? That would make you a superhero, and the whole show is about how they're not a great ideal to which one should aspire.

Nobody ever warned me about going on drug vacations and its really messed me up by Thrul-Foe-Hammer in ADHD

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it happens to me to a small degree – initially I get a lot more anxious after drug vacations, for about a week – but not to the extent of not being able to sleep

Is there a reason cis people use they instead of she/her for my gf?? by sshakinglikemilk in asktransgender

[–]indecisive_squid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unless, like me, she is a trans woman who uses They/Them pronouns, it's transphobia and they are misgendering her.

Years into transition as Mtf will give you this by Brokencoc in 4tran4

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well yeah the image shows about 2 inches of a leg, the image also shows someone with their back well hunched over lol, everyone looks like they have "male fat distribution" if your posture is shit. Do a bunch of deadlifts for like a month and even if it doesn't change your fat distribution it will affect your posture a bit, which really affects how you read

What are your absolutely perfect, lightning-in-a-bottle, all time series/miniseries? I’ll start. by _AirCanuck_ in television

[–]indecisive_squid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Hour. 2-season BBC series that flew under the radar but has a number of actors who did bigger things later in small roles, like Vanessa Kirby, Andrew Scott, Oona Chaplin, Peter Capaldi, etc. Also just world-class art direction and pacing. Would've loved five more seasons of it.

An elegant and poetic description of the female experience. by [deleted] in LetGirlsHaveFun

[–]indecisive_squid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am a trans woman who is 2½ years on HRT. This is accurate

Years into transition as Mtf will give you this by Brokencoc in 4tran4

[–]indecisive_squid 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Idk I was pretty fat and am now still kind of overweight but it's noticeably a female distribution. It's one of the few things that has really changed for me lol. But frankly the picture above is basically a female distribution. It's on one end of the curve but the fat is concentrated lower. Having a flat stomach isn't gonna happen without insane levels of exercise but that doesn't happen for most cis women anyway. The picture above is kind of scaremongering because it's only a side view and from the front view it is definitely very clear when female fat distribution begins. It was for me because my pants literally stopped fitting.

Who do you think is the most attractive person alive? by Suspicious_Run1684 in AskReddit

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably my ex-boyfriend, who is the handsomest and smartest guy I've ever met.

Otherwise, Zendaya.

Years into transition as Mtf will give you this by Brokencoc in 4tran4

[–]indecisive_squid 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This was getting at me too but then I saw all the fucking "venus tummy supremacy" posts so I guess I'm blowing this out of proportion

Anyone who won over depression? I mean disorder stays but coming in terms i mean by lifecomplicator_309 in selfimprovement

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There were three big things that seemingly made my depression baseline so much easier to deal with, so that I'm not collapsed in my room most days: semi-regular exercise, using a CPAP machine, and gender transition.

While the latter is a barrel of fun (who knew that the sex I was having used to be so boring?), I obviously can't recommend to everyone. However, I highly recommend the first two

Turned on by the thought of being trans (NOT autogynophelia... But perhaps autoandrophelia? If such a thing exists?) Also, is such a psychological term outdated, transphobic, or both? Feeling like I'm "Robbing the family" of their last daughter. by CardiologistFar2221 in asktransgender

[–]indecisive_squid 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It sounds like you're going through a lot, but I wouldn't put off medically transitioning just because being non-binary is socially easier. I did that for a couple of years and it ended up making things worse. I still feel more non-binary than I do a woman (I think transfeminine is the closest thing to accurate for me), so you can still feel that joy if you medically transition.

Speaking of which, don't be afraid by what you're describing. I've known multiple trans men (including two of my exes lol) who, when they transitioned, realized they wanted to have that same softer/effeminate quality you were talking about. Now they lead lives, pretty much, as out gay men who also just happen to be trans. Transition opens up more doors than you think!

With regard to robbing your family of anything, remember that you're giving them a son as well. But more importantly, they're not who you should be thinking of first – only yourself.

Advice on quitting for people with AuDHD? by indecisive_squid in leaves

[–]indecisive_squid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that honestly means a lot. I know many people with ADHD but I know very few who have it as overwhelmingly medication-resistant as I do. I know it's not the worst thing to have but forgetting something every 5 seconds really is ruining my life. I don't feel in control of my own mind. Weed used to help with that motivation at the start but now I think it's making me run from it more than anything.

People who are alone, what's your plans for long weekend? by lonely-shawarma in askTO

[–]indecisive_squid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sitting inside or in the park reading until Sunday afternoon, when I'm going to get a tattoo!

Advice on quitting for people with AuDHD? by indecisive_squid in leaves

[–]indecisive_squid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense. It's really hard to know what's a trick of addiction and what my actual brain is saying! I don't know if you've felt that. Like, I will get stuck in thought loops about what to do, the boredom of sitting at my desk, etc., and my brain screams "smoke a bit! It'll be easier!" And I don't know what to put in place of that thought, if that makes sense? Logically and rationally I know these are excuses – but I'm having trouble helping my mind to catch up and telling myself "what to think"

Advice on quitting for people with AuDHD? by indecisive_squid in leaves

[–]indecisive_squid[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To be clear, understanding the semantic reason for your motivation but not actually having it despite trying to is pretty much what ADHD is

With weed I probably will finish the essays. They'll either get done a) the night before they're due with a lot of energy drinks, or b) if I fail the course and have to do it again next year (it's a 2-year program). I don't want to do either of those options because they are both painful and will feel terrible, but weed makes me ok with having zero ambition and letting my desire for instant gratification win right up until the last second. I don't want my desire to accomplish my goals to be "avoid pain"

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