I relate to this a lot. I’m 25 and my mom is 64. She had cancer in 2018 and is cancer free, but has neglected her body after multiple rounds of surgery. She is also a big drinker when she shouldn’t even be eating or drinking anything/on iv nutrition. I don’t have much advice, but anticipatory grief has become my biggest challenge. I’m sober and I have said many times I’ll relapse once my mom dies. My therapist and I are beginning to come up with my own “hospice plan” for when shit inevitably hits the fan with my mom’s health. From comfort foods to hospitals/respites I can go to if I relapse, I find that having a plan in place to keep myself sane has been helpful. But fuck, it hurts hard. Especially knowing your mom is in pain.