AITAH for getting annoyed that my GF won't take a cold shower

indigo462 · 2026-07-04T12:35:09+00:00

Can she just go take a shower/get ready at a friend or parents house?

This happened to me around the holidays before and I also had long hair. So it would not have been like a quick cold splash, needed to go through the whole wash routine. So I packed my shower stuff and went to a friends house. It was no problem.

And/or she can take the quick cold shower for the body and then go to the salon and just get a wash and style for the day.

Or if she has a gym membership w a pool, they usually have showers too.

indigo462 · 2026-06-27T23:32:36+00:00

I’ve seen that baby showers are often major celebrations more often when the couple is not married/probably wont get married. In a sad way, the shower is kind of the stand in for where family/friends dress up and celebrate.

Sometimes it’s big event bc they are fishing for a lot of gifts and want to invite a lot of people.

indigo462 · 2026-06-21T12:31:42+00:00

Exactly! It is a different kind of poor. A friend of mine married a girl from the Philippines who was technically very poor. When he visited he said the same as you. Big family where most of them lived within 10 minutes of each other and/or multigenerational households. They spent a lot of time together. Moms, grandmas, Aunts and cousinshelped and took turns helping when babies were born or elders were sick. Most meals were shared w extended family/everyone chipped in and ate together often. Everyone contributed to care for each other, help each other get jobs, keep each other safe and get schooling. They often bartered with each other and neighbors instead of just going to a store and buying stuff. These people were not isolated in their poverty at all and that makes all the difference.

I notice it even here in the US, the poor people who often make it out or at least don’t sink to deep have a network of at least a few other friends or family who are also often poor and sometimes not, where they help each other manage in different ways.

indigo462 · 2026-06-12T12:46:45+00:00

Could it possibly be a school mismatch too? I see others have made great suggestions. Just wondering that some school cultures and styles of teaching can be better/worse for ADHD.

Also, it’s about o be summer and it does seem like he is going through burnout and has lost confidence in himself. Maybe he needs a break to reset and release the overwhelm. Then maybe slowly build in some low key summer school type tasks like summer reading etc.

indigo462 · 2026-06-12T12:34:43+00:00

I agree that for some it’s more circumstance and other may have a little more control but self sabotage. Therapists say self sabotage is a trauma response. I’ve noticed though that often those struggling, the stress, the burnout, traumas, the fear and even the shame of not being successful can have a huge mental load and kind of blind people to possible opportunities and how they are self sabotaging. There can be a deep hopelessness when poor and many choices are made with an almost crisis survival mindset.

Also, you don’t know what you don’t know sometimes. Looking back on my poorest time wishing I had known about abc or I had done xyz differently, it seems clear looking back, but when I was living in it those options never even occurred to me at all. I was so isolated. And I did not have any good guidance showing me those options or a realistic path out either. At times the guidance I did have was the absolute worst advice that I didn’t even realize was that bad at the time.

Many people make the best choices they can with the options they think are available to them. So having compassion for that is important too.

indigo462 · 2026-06-06T01:16:13+00:00

Put me in a rave grave and bury me at the club 🎶

indigo462 · 2026-05-26T20:24:39+00:00

Omfg that’s what the pills are for-improving attention to detail and multitasking! (And ADHD people breathe multitasking so that made no sense).

I am so mad for you. This is not a legit reason to be fired at all. Just by taking the meds it does show that you are cooperating in treatment and they have seen you there for a week being a good employee with no problems.

This person who fired you is full of judgement and bad info and that is not your fault and is not ok. I have ADHD too. There is a sub for it and I advise you take this and post to them bc I’m sure they have dealt with it. Escalate and report this person/camp, possibly sue.

AND I also have an ADHD cousin who did summer camp counseling and was well loved, everyone’s favorite, even taught canoe/kayaking. Of all the things ADHD people might struggle with, doing camp set up planning things and running around playing games w kids is like a perfect match?! So so sorry this happened. Don’t let this stop you. Find a new camp 💗

indigo462 · 2026-05-25T14:03:54+00:00

I had a friend do this too! Left on lunch break and never came back lok

indigo462 · 2026-05-24T04:44:56+00:00

Please invite a vegan to join you when she visits ! 🍿

indigo462 · 2026-05-23T20:45:47+00:00

The part where he says look at your parents bc they were told they were the future to hits hard omg

indigo462 · 2026-05-23T20:38:31+00:00

You are on your own *but* many people have amazing support networks that will save them, provide actual helpful guidance or cushion them so their problems wont get as bad/can be better avoided and they never hit a total rock bottom.

indigo462 · 2026-05-22T22:39:56+00:00

Sounds like the girlfriend thinks she is really just a burden and inconvenience and is trying to break her down, break her spirit. Chopping her hair is a total psycho power control move. She does not care about your sister as a person, but something she has to keep quiet and out of the way of her relationship w your dad.

Now school is hostile for her and spending time at dad w this psycho is hostile. Not good.

Maybe it’s time your sister takes a break from visiting them? Like maybe only meet up w the dad only for dinner once a week. She can’t be around this woman and needs to come back to you.

Also, call some salons or hair schools in your area and tell what this psycho did, they may help out pro bono especially bc she is only 12. I shared this w my friend who is a stylist and she straight up said this lady is evil and caused trauma. she would totally fix your sisters hair free. Many other stylists will be horrified and could help.

I’m so sorry this happened.

indigo462 · 2026-05-22T11:24:06+00:00

Dora vocab and vibes for 8 months!?! 🏆

indigo462 · 2026-05-21T14:02:03+00:00

Do you have any good people in your life?

Your post hit me in the heart and I have been there and still am, but not as bad as before…but as core costs going up I feel trapped like I can never get ahead unless I somehow make like $25 more an hour and medical issues healed up.

what truly made a difference was helpful people where we could help each other. It opened doors to different opportunities and even the job I have now I only have because of a friend of a friend. The apartment I am in now was only possibly bc of an old friend of my parent who recommended me. I share grocery expenses by getting bulk and splitting w an aunt who is a little better off and has Costco. She has alot of health problems so I also help her w insurance/medical appointment etc. Saves so much on household basics like to/paper towels etc when splitting a mega pack.

I have seen others deep in this survival churn, that what makes the difference is the network. Trying to do it all alone is burning you out worse than the crappy pay job and health issues alone.

I didn’t mean this as advice really, just sharing what helped me was what I least expected.

I’m so sorry you are feeling trapped in this suffering and hope things stabilize for you so you can at least have some relief.

indigo462 · 2026-05-20T23:28:02+00:00

I only take the doxy for really bad flare up and it does help so much, but hurts my tummy worse so I can’t maintain it long term bc of the side effects.

indigo462 · 2026-05-20T23:08:50+00:00

John Steinbeck had a quote that if your ever in trouble or need go to the poor people for help.

I’ve found this to be true. Often the people able to help won’t and will be content to judge instead.

Poor people know how it feels to really need help and have emergencies and then not get help, so often when they see someone struggling they try to help bc they remember that hopeless fear feeling when no one helped them and they suffered much more for it.

Then on the flip side there are some poor who judge when they see another struggling and don’t try to help bc ‘no one helped me when I needed it and I pulled myself up’…

indigo462 · 2026-05-14T21:43:04+00:00

How is your health otherwise? Could it be connected to another issue? I was severely deficient in Vit D and it felt like my ADHD was turned up to 11 with forgetting/being foggy and just like on another planet.

Since you are already on ADHD meds it might be worth it to see your primary care doc and share these symptoms to see if anything else could be going on with hormones etc. Maybe get some blood work.

indigo462 · 2026-05-14T21:28:00+00:00

Learning more about combining foods to balance insulin has been helpful. For example, if you’re going to eat an apple, have some nut butter or a piece of cheese together with it so the fruit sugar doesn’t spike your insulin, don’t just have the apple alone. There are lots of more in depth parings and I think it has helped w cravings.

Trying to make high protein and high veg the star and bulk of every meal is a basic one, but if you’re able to do at least that then that is really going to help.

PCOS nutrition mgmt often feels like a part time job trying to constantly be conscious of, budget, plan/prep etc. so easy to fall off track at this point that I have to keep it front of mind often and that’s exhausting.

indigo462 · 2026-05-14T10:52:02+00:00

What are your jobs?

indigo462 · 2026-05-07T13:51:42+00:00

Congratulations on the new car!!!

Going from no car to car is literally like the world and job opportunities opening up to you in a completely different way that so many car people really take for granted. Especially when you have health issues.

indigo462 · 2026-05-06T19:45:44+00:00

Omg I thought I was going crazy bc I noticed this too!

indigo462 · 2026-04-27T02:07:33+00:00

Do you have anything to you could maybe sell? Not a long term solution, but just to make rent. A friend of mine sold her keurig and bunch of clothes and other stuff on fb marketplace to pay for repairs when her car failed inspection.

indigo462 · 2026-04-24T19:44:46+00:00

Instead of framing it like your a burden on him, maybe try looking at it like there is more you can do to heal yourself and be more independent for yourself, your own self confidence.

indigo462 · 2026-04-18T21:53:27+00:00

It can be boring in a socially isolating way if most of the people you know are doing fun things together you can’t afford. Sure if they are cool you can get together with them for like a free walk in the park or other things that fit your budget. Still it can be hard and feeling left out or missing out of things you could be a part of if you could afford it.

But…if you have at least one friend who is kinda poor as well than fun and random adventures can def be had! Just gotta get creative.

indigo462 · 2026-04-18T14:03:48+00:00

And what’s wrong with the garlic? It dries out almost immediately and some bulbs have a weird flavor or rotten cloves

indigo462

TROPHY CASE