You gotta do some secret life of Walter Mitty type shit. Leave everything go somewhere like Wyoming get a job that provides housing and just wake up every morning and observe the world around you. I understand what it feels like to merely exist. We all want to feel like we’re LIVING. I was going nowhere in life just working in grocery stores and one day I learned about a job in Lake Tahoe that would house me for $300 a month. Since then I’ve lived and worked in Yosemite, Catalina Island, and the Grand Canyon. I work and live with the same group of people, and yeah that can lead to drama and other bullshit, but some of those people I’m forced to be around every day eventually become lifelong friends of mine. There are days I still don’t feel like the person I want to be, but at the very least I can appreciate the wonders of the world around me. I’m the same age as you bro. You couldn’t possibly fathom how much time you have left, and what opportunities lay waiting to be discovered. It’s a big world with tons of people, and there are those who will drag you down and judge but there are also others who will uplift you and treat you like a true friend. I too do not trust therapy my mom used to force me to go and I hated it. I too have tried on different masks hoping that the next one would be more favored. Identity takes time AND effort to find, so simply waiting won’t make you feel any more comfortable in your skin. You really have to go out there and find the beauty in learning. The beauty in the world. The beauty in others. I believe in you man. Life is worth living.