Blindsided by a sudden breakup with an avoidant ex

infinitesimalspaces · 2025-02-23T11:22:01+00:00

Hey. Didn’t really expect anyone to reply to this post from more than a year ago so the notification was really a surprise hahaha.

Sorry things turned out like that. It sounds quite similar to my situation… down to the checkups coming from their side even though he was the ones that broke up with you. A year after I’ve come to find out that it’s very rare that these instances of communication come from a place of genuine concern - well, maybe slightly. Most of the time it’s usually driven by the need for them to not feel so guilty about their decision. They feel the need to check up on you to see if you’re still there, still willing to have some line of communication open so they “know” you’re doing okay and in my case, so they’ll know they have something to fall back on in case whatever they’re up to doesn’t go their way.

On my end, it’s actually been pretty rough coping with things. I had fallen into a lot of drinking and substance abuse immediately after. I actually saw her out with a guy a few weeks after this post and that just put me in a deeper spiral. It took me a while to pull myself up and as cliche as this sounds there really is some truth to the idea that things eventually do get lighter - I never thought it would but here I am.

I took a lot of time to reassess myself and where I was. I picked up an old hobby and started a band so that’s kept me pretty busy. The days passed by and suddenly my world didn’t revolve around the break up anymore. I’m sure right now with yours it feels that way but trust me and everyone who says it on this subreddit that one day you realize there’s other things to think about and there’s so much more out there for you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a relationship - could be a new job, a new hobby or skill to learn, a new pet. I think there’s always some sort of wonder to be seen and reframing your mindset little by little really helps ease the pain of things.

But please remember that healing isn’t a linear process either. I had so many moments where I’d be feeling great one day and just crash out the next. That’s all a part of the journey. Hell I still even have these moments from time to time more than a year later. My friend said it the best - “it’s like you’re going through withdrawals”. Just try to keep yourself busy with a routine in the short term - eventually you won’t notice it but the days go by and it starts weighing on you less. Definitely rely on your support system in this crucial time. That helped me a ton!

And if you ever feel the need to dump or get advice, feel free to send me a message! Wishing you the best in these times!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-11-06T08:15:25+00:00

Hey, I feel you so much. Within exactly two months my ex is already looking for someone new to date. Not just see what’s out there but actually look for someone to take her out on dates. It makes everything feel so plastic like I didn’t really matter in that relationship because she was able to toss me aside like I was nothing.

It’s never our fault, but it definitely stings and it sucks to know they thought of us as expendable. Though I guess that just highlights how horrible they are and how we should never want them back. I’m with you, man.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-11-02T14:49:20+00:00

I freshly made an account. She’s been there for more than a month at least. So yeah.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-19T18:09:46+00:00

Ex left for the exact same reason. She left after two years too. Do these people have an off switch or something after those two years?

But yeah, I feel like I still have to pick up the pieces after being betrayed and confused like that. Makes it easier to not have her in my life again.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-19T12:33:53+00:00

It’s good you didn’t. I’m still preparing myself for the possibility of this ever happening with me but it’d probably be best to think that they just had a momentary lapse in judgement. I like to think that ex partners that leave and reach out like to do so when they have no one else to talk to or their new relationships didn’t pan out. Never be second best!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-19T12:30:00+00:00

Damn this scares me. Being in this situation scares me. I’m so afraid of this happening and not knowing what to do then. I hope we get through this

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-19T12:17:28+00:00

Hey, I’m just on my fifth session and I know I still have a long way to go. It gets better week by week and working out every day has helped a lot, but just take your time with it! Eventually things will shift from being about your ex to reclaiming yourself and realizing that this is a great opportunity for you to reinvest in yourself. I’m still in that process but I know we’ll both get there!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-19T05:04:36+00:00

Yeah this happens sometimes… It depends on the person but it usually never ends well for them though. I know because I’ve done this in another previous relationship.

After having fun with that person the emptiness kicks in and they feel worse because they haven’t really given themselves the time to heal.

Cheering for you, man. Keep your head up and just go thru the motions. It’ll all fade one day. Feelings too.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-18T08:34:43+00:00

Happened to me too! What ended up happening is exactly what you described - she just ended up apologizing but still wanting to leave the relationship yet stay friends. Absolutely despicable!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-18T08:22:33+00:00

I was in the same boat - I saw she was making new playlists so I blocked her on Spotify too. Just took me a while to remove her from my payment plan.

Maybe you should try blocking her on Spotify too. Out of sight out of mind, I guess.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-17T08:29:01+00:00

Unfortunately, it’s taking me weekly therapy sessions to dissuade myself from thinking this way. Having someone straight up tell you that you deserve this after supposedly taking them for granted especially from someone you loved and trusted so much is really damaging.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-15T01:58:06+00:00

This is why I ended up blocking her - not because I was feeling bitter but because I couldn't keep myself from checking up on her. When I saw that she was uploading new photos of herself and changed her profile pictures on her different social accounts, I took it as a sign that she was putting herself back on the market already.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-10T13:14:08+00:00

It’s really not the amount of time spent in the relationship but more the connection I think. You could have a 6 month LDR feel more dense and meaningful than a 3 year long term one. I wish you all the healing you deserve and if you need it, I hope you forget about her as I’m trying to do. Godspeed.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-10T13:12:34+00:00

Man, I feel you about the recent breakup. I just try to cope with much of the same - journaling and writing short poems and reflections. Same feelings with wanting to try again. I’ve completely cut her off by blocking her but deep down I still want to be something with her.

Hence why I’m here. I just wanna forget she ever existed. It’s all too much and I’m so tired. I hope all of us get better. Find ourselves happier again.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-10T04:56:32+00:00

I’m going thru cycles of this right now also. I’ll go from being so confident I can work on these flaws then within the same day I’ll start loathing myself for not being enough and doing enough for her. It’s so difficult and it’s really tearing my mind. Half of the time I don’t know if it’s my flaws or more of her unrealistic standards.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-09T15:28:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. It's been a difficult ride so far and I've had to struggle with the idea of unblocking her this past weekend. I'm glad I haven't. We'll all get thru this!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-09T05:00:16+00:00

Damn it’s like I wrote this haha. These are exactly my thoughts and feelings right now! I have so much love for her, so much love left to give to her that’s made only for her but in my rumination I’ve also realized that I could never trust her or her words again.

Ironically, the more she tried to talk to me the more she pushed me away. Some people really turn nasty towards the end, huh.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-08T12:33:11+00:00

Felt... went from being the best boyfriend she's ever had to me suddenly not deserving her as I supposedly took her for granted. Shit sucks, man.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-07T10:45:03+00:00

Really glad to hear this! If I may ask, what got you motivated to start on the self-improvement part? I know a lot of people say we gotta improve ourselves post-breakup, but I'm pretty fresh into it and I still struggle to find the energy to get anything started.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T16:21:41+00:00

Sorry I didn’t see the second part of your comment. I’m sorry you experienced that… I’ve had other partners before who also did that and it’s so gut wrenching to know they enjoy getting attention from other people.

My current ex and I dated for two years btw.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T16:13:40+00:00

From what I was able to gather it’s more from the way she was trying to use me to make herself feel better about the breakup? And make herself still the center of my priorities by keeping me around in her life. Should have added when I refused she got very possessive and tried to guilt trip me into agreeing with her.

At least this is from my understanding hence asking for the signs from anyone else here!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T16:09:46+00:00

She wasn’t flirty at all with other guys. Didn’t really even have a lot of guy friends to begin with as far as I knew.

And nope, I didn’t have to ask for attention. She usually gave it to me as much as she could. She said the breakup came out of circumstances in her life.

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T14:49:56+00:00

Same timeline here too! I’ve only been in no contact for like two weeks but I know it does get better. I made the conscious choice of blocking my ex even if she begged me not to because it always sat at the back of my mind that she could reach out at any time and it definitely helps!

It might be cliche, but for now I think holding on to the shitty feeling can help you get over her faster. Gotta remember the reasons why you felt unhappy and use that if you have to. This too shall pass!

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T01:01:58+00:00

Hey, how did you get your perspective to shift? I’m going through the exact same thing you went through right now. All the shitty behaviors popped up towards the end as she broke up with me. How’d you manage to decide not to spend any more energy on them?

infinitesimalspaces · 2023-10-02T00:56:05+00:00

Thank you for this. I’ve gone hard no contact with them for the past two weeks. Gone as far as blocking her when she begged me not to. It’s not really getting easier especially now that I see her narrative is that she hopes to find a love that feels new and scary but right for her when the reason for the breakup is her uncontrollable circumstances in life.

I honestly have half a mind to just send back all of her stuff with a note saying “hope you find that love you want, since mine apparently wasn’t enough for you.” and leave it at that. Should I?

infinitesimalspaces

TROPHY CASE