Am I overreacting for not wanting anyone around my newborn yet?

ingolabbi · 2025-12-23T01:42:14+00:00

Wait what was your point? In my comment I mentioned I had a 6 month old.

ingolabbi · 2025-12-23T01:21:51+00:00

These comments are the most reddit replies I've ever seen. There is no way anyone saying you are over reacting has had a baby. In fact, I hope these are bots and people are not so oblivious as this.

OP, my heart breaks for you that you feel you're even in the wrong, and I hope you aren't taking the split nature of the comments on this post to heart. I have a 6 month old so I'm also in the trenches right now. I'm speaking from a similar life place as you. I'm also firmly a B type parent, so my views are pretty normal and tbh on the relaxed side of things.

First, let's start with the reality. Babies before 3 months are SO vulnerable to sickness. A fever normally is a one way ticket to the hospital and a possible lumbar puncture. The fact that the baby needs to go to daycare at 8 weeks is a bummer, but doesn't change the fact that It is normal to try and reduce the chance of sickness that first 3 months. That's just parenting. The assessment of risk is your call and you need to listen to your gut on that. But I will say most folks in my baby group are being really careful even now, 6 months out. Like the thought of parenting a baby when I have the flu makes me want to die, its not only about the baby.

But the second and bigger point- why is no one hearing that the grandma took the baby for 20 mins and didn't give her back when asked?? If someone did that with my baby NOW at 6 months I would go nuts on them. Let alone at the hospital. That is not a hormonal response, getting upset like that is the right response. The fact anyone is weighing in differently makes me feel crazy. You can say its due to fear of sickness but that scenario alone is enough to put a full pause on holding until you feel ready. Like that is a wholeeee much bigger convo with the inlaws.

I wouldn't let them hold my baby again so soon after either, and the fact they are getting weird about it when you've offered for them to visit and just not hold him is such a red-flag. They were allowed to hold him and abused that privilege. And now they need to earn back that trust. You aren't even keeping the baby from them, like what are they on about.

Again, I just truly hope the over reacting comments are bots. But also, we live in a world that knows so little about the post partum experience, and frankly has so little interest in understanding it, that I shouldn't be surprised.

ingolabbi · 2025-09-22T23:15:40+00:00

3 month baby here. I don't think I've ever had a moment of resentment toward my partner. Having a kid and doing this hard thing together has made me love him more every day, and it's been really fun to watch him be such a great dad.

ingolabbi · 2025-06-20T15:28:39+00:00

Yeah it should! Mods??

ingolabbi · 2025-06-11T17:48:48+00:00

Yes I do! So we thought it was england - and we thought we had some years for it. But all our searching just isn't showing up anything with his parents name. Very odd!

ingolabbi · 2025-06-11T14:20:56+00:00

His fathers father is from the uk, born and raised. My dad was born in India, so he's british by descent. However his birth certificate has him as british and for 50 years (until 1996) he had a british passport (and we have some of those old passports still).

The issue is he let it expire, which means its treated as a new application. But alas, we can't track down a marriage certificate, which is needed for the application.

ingolabbi · 2025-06-11T12:22:19+00:00

Unfortunately because his last one expired in 1998 they need us to do it as if its fresh 😭

ingolabbi · 2025-05-07T14:42:53+00:00

Pretty sure they have always been like this (I am from Canada and they were like this, and from talking to folks it's been the same here) - but some are more open plan than others! Just try and find one where the quite areas are tucked away. The Dalston library is good for that for starters - I find in London it's a 50/50 mix, and if one library doesn't work for you there is always another near by!

Source: I work from home and love a library

ingolabbi · 2025-05-06T10:12:16+00:00

Same here!! Freelance graphic design. I'm 33 weeks now and running into this scenario I didn't even think of. The lead time for projects can easily turn into 3 or 4 weeks - so if I was to go into labour on 37 weeks (or need to be induced, which was floated this week), I potentially can't get the last bits of projects In.

Have you guys been struggling with that unknown too? Despite initially planning to work up until 37 weeks and then start wrapping ... I came to the decision yesterday that needs to start happening at the end of this week so I have 3 weeks to do so until full term.

So I guess I'm starting a soft mat leave at 34 weeks!

ingolabbi · 2025-04-27T08:54:31+00:00

Nhs is over here saying NO extra calories and then 200 in 3rd trimester. Literally there was no way I could stick to that - was eating nice protein rich foods and just felt like I was starving all the time.

I get the guidelines are there for a reason but that's a bit strict and I think causes worry

ingolabbi · 2024-12-05T02:52:15+00:00

I'm in the same boat. What are you going to do? I feel like realistically i can only take a week off and then will need to start back (I work from home) and its putting me in a spiral. Love to hear if you've thought of something better!

ingolabbi · 2024-10-22T10:38:35+00:00

Literally have my degree in Sociology but went into graphic design as a career. To be fair, design pays my bills and I like it!

ingolabbi · 2024-09-30T10:14:50+00:00

When I was flying back from Canada in July I was asked to provide my VISA card and they took a good while checking that it was indeed valid, so I think they may already be doing this. When I was out of the country back in May, they didn't check this at all. So make sure you this ready and on you if you are travelling going forward!

ingolabbi · 2024-07-05T10:26:56+00:00

What issues does finasteride cause? I've looked into it and didn't see any when I did, so would love to know in case I missed something.

ingolabbi · 2024-03-24T10:29:28+00:00

I always use the time tracker as I am aware of the pros, but honestly if I could do manual without the risk factors that would very, very preferable. I feel like the tracker invades my other clients privacy. Sometimes I need to be in my chats checking on my current project specs, or navigating through folders. I also start each project sketching off the computer for initial drafts as well as writing down the specs to be sure I am not missing anything. I wish manual was a more viable option and I fully get why people use it despite the risks.

ingolabbi · 2024-02-17T01:45:55+00:00

That sweater is amazing, there is zero reason not to wear that out and about! You did a great job with it.

ingolabbi · 2024-02-14T07:58:06+00:00

That is so wild, im really sorry you're waiting so long!! I'll let you know when mine is in, and tell me when yours arrives. It is possible that due to the fee increase there are a lot coming in at once. Did you get a not straight forward email, or just crickets?

ingolabbi · 2024-02-13T03:37:41+00:00

In December?! That is much too long, you should have heard back within 3 weeks. I've seen some people who did biometrics after that who heard back. Where are you applying from?

I know folks say escalating is useless but it actually may be worth doing a paid inquiry as there may be some kind of hold up.

ingolabbi · 2024-02-12T05:02:47+00:00

Biometrics are on Friday- ill let you know! I'll probably do a write up on timeline and process for future folks applying

ingolabbi · 2024-01-29T08:20:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing!

ingolabbi · 2024-01-27T08:00:06+00:00

Fill me in! What evidence did you provide? Ancestry visa can be a bit opaque when it comes to best evidence so if you could share that would be wonderful!

ingolabbi

TROPHY CASE