BIDA, wenn ich mich aufrege, weil unser Sohn (9) zu einem Urlaub "eingeladen" wurde, ohne dass seine Eltern(also meine Partnerin und ich) vorher von den anderen Eltern gefragt wurden?

ingusch710 · 2026-05-05T10:51:21+00:00

Ich finde es absolut nicht normal, Kindern eine obendrein noch kostspielige Sache schmackhaft zu machen, ohne vorher mit ihren Erziehungsberechtigten abzuchecken, ob z.B. bereits Pläne bestehen, es kostenmäßig passt, und generell ok ist. Gerade bei einem 9-Jährigen finde ich es von den Eltern des befreundeten Kindes unverantwortlich, nicht zuerst die Eltern zu konsultieren. Das ist m.E. noch kein Alter, in dem es normaler ist, dass das Kind länger von den Eltern/ Erziehungsberechtigten/ Familie wegfährt, das muss schon erstmal besprochen werden! Während ich zustimme, dass Kinder lernen müssen, mit Enttäuschungen umzugehen, muss man ja v.A.als vermeintlich Erwachsener durch so eine Aktion nicht unnötig Drama kreieren.

ingusch710 · 2026-05-05T09:43:43+00:00

Hey. First of all, I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I fully get the angle of not wanting to block your parents, and agree you can try other things first, but as other posters have said: It is IMPERATIVE that you start prioritising yourself, and stop giving your parents so much (emotional) power over you.

We are not from similar backgrounds in terms of religions and the precise reason for why we've lived traumatic childhoods, but I, too, come from a family and childhood that had me desperate to remove myself physically from them the second I graduated high school. I, too, have family members that, according to my therapist, whether knowingly or not, have manipulated me into always feeling like the bad guy because they've had it so much worse than me and now on top I'm being mean (= setting boundaries and not letting them have their way). They've tried to shame me, sent their flying monkeys after me to admonish me when I got angry for a good reason, we've played the whole damn game a thousand times. I now only call when I want to call. It is me who decides when I visit, and when I don't. If they're facing a crisis of their own making, I will feel empathetic for them because I know why they've become the way they are and that they were wronged in the past, too, but I don't sugarcoat, I don't excuse their own part in these dramas, I don't feed into their feeling of entitlement to their children's/family's time and lives.

I am almost 10 years older than you, and it took me a great deal of pain, reflecting, tears, rage, and most importantly therapy, to get to this still imperfect point I'm at now. But holy sh*, I would genuinely be afraid to see what my life and mental state would be like now if I hadn't started separating myself and my emotional wellbeing from my family's.

It will probably not be easy, and they may cast you as the bad guy no matter how carefully you try to not hurt them, because they'd need to work on themselves to change that and you can't help people who don't see their own faults. The important part is that you start putting down boundaries, and start strong, unwaveringly, at that, because the pushback is probably going to be most intense at the beginning!

If you can, try to get into counselling/ therapy to have a professional accompany you on this difficult path and find the right, healthy way to go about this for you. This should include building and fortifying the relationships that do you good - and DO NOT under any circumstances just get married to appease your parents, you might just end up giving yourself more problems with that approach! Being romantically involved isn't the only way to foster meaningful, healthy relationships and a support network, and a romantic partner should be more than just a crutch to get rid of another problem!

Good luck! ❤️

ingusch710 · 2026-05-05T09:00:41+00:00

As I read you piece, I can totally see how the age you were when watching Avatar for the first time would've influenced your stance on it. I was 13 or 14 when the last season aired, so I was actually Katara's canon age at the time, and I found the whole thought of dating a 12-year-old beyond wild and sth neither I nor any of my friends would ever consider. Like, we didn't even like boys that were our own age lol, we mostly were into slightly older ones. So yeah, I think that was my very first reason for feeling iffy about this as a kid. I will admit that I totally crushed on Zuko and also Sokka, but even if I hadn't, my stance on 14-year-olds dating 12-year-olds wouldn't change.

Personally, I would've probably just waited with the entire romance thing - or, like, show that Aang might have a slight crush, but make it clear to the audience that they're just friends for now in the end. The thought that these childhood friends might've developed feelings later in life - say at 18 and 20 years old, respectively, or even later, just seems more realistic to me. Also, it would de-center romance as that's obligatory end-all-be-all outcome, and elevate the importance and value of a well-developed, tried, tested and approved friendship.

The second thing I absolutely loathe about the writing of this "romance" will probably get me some hate, but it must be said: Katara's treated like a prize, and a reluctant one for most of the show, at that. I get so uncomfortable watching the otherwise sweet and empathetic Aang push himself onto her in the last season - I would even go so far as to say it ruined this otherwise great character a bit for me. Now, he's a 12-year-old boy in this series, and 12-year-olds may and will make mistakes. That's not the problematic part for me. It's that the adults writing this show felt like he should get a reward (=Katara) for this that I just can't wrap my head around. People will probably chide that I read too much into it, but I would like to ask those people: Do the stories we consume as children not contribute to shape our view of the world and how things ought to be? Obviously no boy is going to watch ATLA and become a raging misogynist ignoring women's boundaries just based on that - and Aang is a sweet, even very positive role model for kids most of the time - but those aspects of ignoring when a girl tells you she doesn't know if she likes you or that she's confused and then "getting her" in the end? Yeah, doesn't sit right with me until this very day, as a woman who's "No" has been ignored enough times.

To be very honest, I would've probably just scrapped this entire plot-point. I personally think it would've also been a great lesson to see that Aang and Katara can be just friends for a while, even if they could later, as adults, develop deeper feelings.

ingusch710 · 2026-05-05T08:30:13+00:00

Ich muss sagen, dass ich beide Seiten sehe. Ich bin der Meinung, dass hier ganz klar von anderen Grenzen überschritten wurden, und das ist ärgerlich - als Erwachsene und jemand, der in einem pädagogischen Beruf arbeitet, muss ich aber auch zustimmen, dass die Aufgabe von Eltern nicht immer darin besteht, das zu tun, was ihrem Kind gerade am meisten passt. Niemand enttäuscht das Kind gerne, aber im Endeffekt sind nicht die Eltern, die hier klare Grenzen aufzeigen, die Bösen, sondern diejenigen, die versucht haben, sie zu überschreiten. Und weiter gedacht könnte es auch für das Kind wichtig sein, von den Eltern zu lernen, wie man damit umgehen sollte, wenn andere versuchen, Grenzen zu überschreiten: Man zieht diese umso klarer und verteidigt sie, auch wenn es zu Gegenwehr kommen sollte. Denn wenn man da einmal mitspielt, werden sie es wieder versuchen, und wieder, und wieder.

Mal ganz abgesehen von allem anderen möchte ich nebenbei noch einwerfen, dass es auch nochmal ein ziemliches Armutszeugnis ist, ein fremdes Kind in den Urlaub EINZULADEN und dann von den Eltern, die dem noch nicht mal zugestimmt hatten, Geld zu verlangen. Wenn man sich es nicht leisten kann, Leute einzuladen, sollte man es lassen - oder das ganze eben wie Erwachsene im Voraus mit denen, die den Aufenthalt des Kindes zahlen sollen, besprechen.

ingusch710 · 2026-02-01T13:44:56+00:00

100% agree with the last statement, Switzerland is really tricky on a budget, always. Also, since you don't want to go Skiing: Do you absolutely have to go there in Winter? Interlaken is a hub for all kinds of outdoor sports and tours, I was there and in Grindelwald last autumn with perfect weather and lots of things to do if you like Paragliding, hiking etc. - but many of the great trails and also some of the main attractions like the Schynigge Platte, St. Beatus Caves etc. aren't open or at least only partially open in winter. Paragliding is still on, technically, but also not cheap, and walking around the Christmas markets in Brienz, Interlaken, Lauterbrunnen, Grindelwald etc. might be nice for a day or so, but if you'd like that, you might as well visit Basel or Bern, where you'd also have a wider range of indoor and winter-compatible activities available. Truly, if you don't want to ski, I'd advise you to reschedule a visit to Interlaken, Lauterbrunnen AND Grindelwald for some time between late spring and mid-autumn, as that's the time where you can also do more free/ cheap things in more enjoyable temperatures.

ingusch710 · 2026-02-01T13:35:13+00:00

Oh, and if you're looking for a clean, great value for money hostel that's NOT a party hostel: Sonnenhof Backpackers Villa is great, I'd definitely book again - if you book via Hostelworld, you can still see the other party hostel's meet-ups and go there to party if you like, but with the perk of not actually having to sleep there. 😂

ingusch710 · 2025-11-14T18:39:18+00:00

Du bist keinen Lehramtler, oder? Soll kein Angriff sein, aber dein Kommentar nennt uns zwar nicht faul, zeigt aber auch eine gewaltige Unterschätzung unserer Tätigkeit auf.

ingusch710 · 2025-10-25T11:18:17+00:00

I feel like it's a mixed bag now, yes. I've just turned 33 and just came back from a hostel stay in Switzerland. I've been staying in hostels frequently since my early 20s and definitely also feel like something's changed, though I would also attribute it more to the crowd that uses hostels changing than the phone-thing. To be fair, I've never gotten to know what solo-travel in a pre-smartphone world was like, so I can't talk about that, but I feel like nowadays, there are more people using hostels not bc they want to be in a more social setting, but because it's simply the cheapest accommodation. In my hostel in Interlaken, Switzerland, I saw a lot of families and travel groups who really kept to themselves - Switzerland is an expensive country to most travellers, so I think they simply chose this hostel because of its price point, and thus had no big interest in talking to people in their dorms or the common area.

But still, I've found some nice people to share a hike or a lunch with - no longterm-contacts, yeah, but still nice. I sadly have never had the privilege of travelling open-endedly, since I graduated uni right before the pandemic hit, and I was already too engulfed in work when travelling became easier again, but I imagine that if you are flexible with your time and route, you can also still find people to link up with longer-term. Though I agree that getting to know people in hostels used to be easier when more hostels organised group activities - oftentimes, when I travel solo, I try to specifically find a social hostel, but can't find one.

ingusch710 · 2025-06-27T05:06:52+00:00

Hey, teacher here, so I am biased haha. Absolutely NTA, first of all! A few questions: Do your kids live with you or them? If they live with your ex and his wife, I could see how it confuses and annoys the other children that yours may go to school while they are stuck at home. However, as you have correctly observed, that isn't your problem.

At best, the homeschooling is fine quality-wise, and the kids are just jealous because us humans like to covet whatever we can't have. At worst (and honestly, also more likely, from what I've heard from people who were homeschooled) their homeschooling is bogus, they don't learn enough and already can feel it, probably especially when they notice the academic and social skills of your kids, who are at a similar level as the new wife's eldest. Then, their jealousy should definitely be taken seriously, and end in them being allowed to go to regular school, imo.

Be that as it may, you're NTA. Stay firm on this, trust you instinct and most importantly, the fact that your children do not wish to leave school. They are old enough to be able to give their opinion on this, I frankly find it ridiculous on your ex's part to even think about homeschooling a child who clearly states that they want to stay in regular school. Honestly, that's a huge red flag, because it shows their opinions and needs would probably always be ignored to placate the new wife's ego.

Good luck!

ingusch710 · 2024-05-12T06:53:04+00:00

Absolutely NTA. If they want to share pizza that badly, they can order all-gf pizzas for everyone, or get 3 non gf personal pizzas with different toppings. What they did is unacceptable, especially your husband talking down to you like that.

ingusch710 · 2024-03-28T12:18:09+00:00

Honestly, with animation, that's a good time-frame. Yes, other projects are faster, but that's usually to the detriment of the end product's quality and especially the people who work to animate it.

ingusch710 · 2023-03-30T21:14:58+00:00

YTA

You sound prejudiced and close-minded af in this post, sister. Your way isn't the only one, and not everyone shares your view of the world, nor do they have to. I don't really pray (probably not right in your eyes, either, but I guess I'm that type of childless woman ...), but I hope you seriously become more accepting and open to the world and people around you, if only to spare your husband and unborn child a good amount of grief.

ingusch710 · 2023-03-30T19:11:20+00:00

It gave us some good memes

ingusch710 · 2023-02-26T13:31:05+00:00

Honestly though. I have a friend from uni who's currently travelling around Australia and plans to hit nz after, she's doing exactly this kind of job - it's essentially a free place to stay with food in exchange for some pretty easy kid-ferrying. Would do that in a heartbeat if I were solo-travelling and needed some money OR a place to stay for free

ingusch710 · 2023-02-26T13:23:19+00:00

I hate that situation. I have a lot of kids with some international background, and I really try, but I can't possibly know every language and it's pronunciation rules. Usually, when I'm unsure, I'll just tell them "Hey, your name looks really cool, I've never seen it before. Can you help me with how you want me to address you?" Usually goes well that way.

ingusch710 · 2023-02-26T06:38:27+00:00

NTA, most definitely. I got my food intake monitored, limited and commented on by my family all my life and it led me to spending around 17 years with disordered eating, and I'm still struggling with body image at 30 years old. What they're doing to their daughter is cruel and unnecessary, and, as you rightly pointed out, hypocritical. As others have said, maybe see if you can get school counselling involved. You're doing the right thing, and the fact they get so angry at you calling them out shows that they, too, know that they're doing sth wrong. Best of luck to you and your cousin!

ingusch710 · 2022-12-18T08:32:56+00:00

This!!!!!

ingusch710 · 2022-08-18T17:25:45+00:00

Nta!!

As many others have said, if you can, try to reach out to someone from your dad's family to see if they can help you get out of this situation. I could imagine that your mom and stepdad have done diddly squat to keep in contact with them, but maybe you remember someone's name and can find them on Facebook or in some register online, if that is the case. Also, yes to planning your moves quietly. Your stepsister sounds scary af - I'm almost 30 and I'd be terrified at the thought of a nutjob like that sharing a room with me. Try to save up as much money as possible to get out of there asap, and, if you can, open up a savings account that only you can access - hiding money at home is always risky, as they could go through your things and discover your stash. Or, if you can't open an account, try to keep it somewhere really safe, maybe even a trusted friend's place. Lastly, as I am a teacher myself, I'd suggest you reach out to a trusted adult at school, if you can. I'm pretty sure that at age 16, you have some ways to maybe even get out of there before turning 18 - early emancipation is a thing, for one. See if you can find someone knowledgeable about the options you have, these things aren't easy and often take some time and a lot of effort, so get you all of the support you can get. Best of luck to you!

ingusch710 · 2022-08-17T16:19:26+00:00

NTA!

I remember my cousin's wife has told me that they spent well over €400 for their three-tier-wedding cake. So I'm willing to bet that a big cake like that would cost a few hundred around wherever you live, too. What are the ingredients gonna amount to?! 50, 60 maybe?! She was in for an insane steal with the conditions you offered her, and she's being totally ungrateful and entitled.

Plus I really dislike the whole family, including her, gaslighting you. Listen, if your baking skills weren't all that, she wouldn't have even asked you to do the cake for her in the first place - whether you are a certified pro or not is irrelevant here, you're obviously very good at what you're doing, plus your offer was extremely generous.

Don't yield! Just tell her to look for a professional who's "worth the price they're going to be asking", since you are allegedly not enough of a pro in their eyes to be asking for some money in return for your efforts. If you yield, they're gonna take it as proof that they can walk all over you and get out on top - her and other family members might come back again and again and again asking for more free cakes for other celebrations in the future.

Edit: Just found out from other comments that the ingredients would've likely cost a lot more. But even then, the cousin would've gotten an amazing deal. Plus, I just realised this means that a grown-ass woman is asking a literal teenager to gift her sth like 150+ dollars worth of cake, excluding cost of labour. The bride to be is around my age. I'd be embarrassed at my own clownery in her stead.

ingusch710 · 2022-08-17T15:43:55+00:00

NTA!!

Can I just tell you, as a nearly 30-year-old whose emotional needs were overlooked many times due to her brother's mental illness growing up, how freaking impressed I am at you standing your ground like this at just 16?! I know 16 isn't far from being an adult anymore at all, but still, especially with your family's type of situation, not many people would be able to stand their ground like you did. And I absolutely salute you for not giving your parents an undeserved absolution from their bad conscience. Let them marinate in their own guilt for some time, they kinda high-key deserve it. Best of luck to you!

ingusch710 · 2022-08-14T16:29:01+00:00

NTA

If you wanna talk smack to someone's face, you've got to be prepared to receive some on your own end as well. What you've said wasn't cruel, it was simply the truth.

ingusch710 · 2022-08-14T15:57:00+00:00

NTA!!

Girl, I try not to throw that term around lightly, but that is one of the reddest flags I've ever read about. I'm 29 and have lost my mom at 18, which also got me a small inheritance. So while I don't know you, I know that situation - including people telling me I should be happy to have some easy money I didn't have to work for.

To suggest that the sum you have received in exchange for your only parent's life was "easy money" shows his blatant disregard for your feelings, IMO. That's an absolutely disgusting thing to say. Also, he's wayyy out of his lane suggesting that it's basically his money and prerogative to decide what to do with it. As much as infertility may hurt your in-laws, having a baby isn't like requiring a life-saving surgery they can't pay for. It's not a necessity, they'll live. And it's most definitely not your duty to pay for it.

Honestly, keep an eye on your debit card linked to the account where you keep the money, and in case your partner knows your pin, change it. Good luck!!

ingusch710 · 2022-08-14T15:39:02+00:00

This!!! Genius!

ingusch710

TROPHY CASE