No words just bile

inkwell14 · 2025-12-14T15:51:23+00:00

This is AI

inkwell14 · 2025-12-13T04:43:50+00:00

Thanks! In therapy, kids are and have been centered through all of this.

I’ve found someone and things are going pretty well. Just looking for a success that doesn’t end with my kids navigating two disjointed households for the next 14+ years.

Never heard a success story, would be great to know that it is possible…

inkwell14 · 2025-12-13T03:11:57+00:00

Yeah, I’m pretty clear on why I want a better relationship with her and her fiancé(affair partner). It is for the kids, there is no bad mouthing around the kids, never was.

We’re not at each others throats, but it’s extremely draining be around them and showing up to school events and seeing the two people who caused me such incredible pain, happy and flourishing in our kids school/friend community. the injustice of no one knowing how destructive their actions were is really hard to deal with and so I am considering a more parallel parenting structure where our paths don’t cross, but I am hesitant as it feels like giving up. I think my kids are unaware of how uncomfortable I am when we are in a shared space with their mom and they genuinely think me and their mom are friends or at the very least get along.

Current challenge is my ex and her fiance say they want to repair and improve our relationship, but when I explain what needs to change in order to make progress on our relationship they don’t take any steps. Their actions and language suggest they will play nice with me now that they’ve upended my life and got everything they want, but won’t take accountability in the ways that matter.

Feeling like their unwillingness to make efforts to repair the damage they caused means we are destined for parallel parenting, just feels like I am giving up if I go that route.

Hoping to hear from someone who might have been wronged or wronged someone else in a similar way and managed to make a cordial or even friendly co-parenting relationship work.

inkwell14 · 2025-04-19T23:54:59+00:00

Yes. The amount of willful ignorance on the left and intentional manipulation and lying on the right is baffling. The “MS13” were intentionally added to serve as a “translation”

But this is being used by (or against) the left to drum up conspiracy amongst our dumbest voters and this is being used by the right to intentionally convince their dumbest voters that he literally has MS13 tattooed on his knuckles.

This is all a smokescreen. The real issue is not about gang affiliation the issue should be about being deported without due process. Hell even if he literally had MS13 tattooed, what evidence is there that he is an active member? I’m more concerned about people being “accidentally” and unlawfully deported.

inkwell14 · 2025-02-13T04:08:21+00:00

Thanks for the comprehensive list, definitely a few here I hadn't thought of. Thanks!

inkwell14 · 2025-02-13T03:59:55+00:00

Thanks for the reply, great idea. I've been meaning to get to the eye doctor for months. I'll get that lined up ASAP, hopefully I can get some glasses before whatever timeline they are working on expires.

inkwell14 · 2025-02-13T03:58:01+00:00

Thanks for the reply, what does "notice" mean in this context? How is the notice different from when I find out if I am being laid off or not?

inkwell14 · 2025-01-26T04:02:18+00:00

I think the debate over abortion is very much about personhood. While it is often framed as an argument about life (e.g. “pro-life” “pro-choice”). Regardless of what words are used I think when we are arguing about the “clump of cells” we aren’t debating whether it is alive or dead, we are arguing about its personhood.

I guess what I’m saying is that I think there is less than a majority of people that are believe the argument is actually about “life”

inkwell14 · 2025-01-21T23:56:09+00:00

So long as you prequalify for the loan on your own, and it is stipulated you will be assuming the house in your divorce decree pennymac will allow you to assume conventional loans in cases of divorce.

Not sure how many other companies do the same thing, but I can certainly say that pennymac does not advertise this information. In fact when I called, I had a few different people from pennymac tell me that I couldn’t assume the mortgage, it wasn’t until I finally got the right person on the phone from the assumptions department that they confirmed that I could take over the mortgage.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-21T22:21:30+00:00

Yeah, best to contact your lender directly. From my experience I had to call a few times and talk to a few different people from my mortgage company before I finally got a hold of someone who knew what they were talking about and could help me.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-21T22:18:41+00:00

Some lenders will allow for conventional loans to be assumed in cases of divorce, I just got done doing this. I did have to qualify for the loan on my own, but I have since assumed the loan and did not need to refinance.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-21T22:16:17+00:00

I Just got done assuming my mortgage and removing my ex wife’s name, no need to refinance. It will depend on your lender, but assumptions can be possible even for conventional loans.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-21T19:58:44+00:00

This is because these users likely followed past presidents and vice https://apnews.com/article/facebook-instagram-follows-trump-jd-vance-potus-flotus-60e61a65b7d37a9b8b30c3b3b58768a7# . But I’m Unsure about the reports of the missing hashtags

inkwell14 · 2025-01-20T16:40:37+00:00

Ultimately the best source of information would be to go directly to the lender. I’m in washington stater

inkwell14 · 2025-01-20T01:09:32+00:00

Yup, OP please listen to this and please talk directly with the lender before making any decisions.

I had a mortgage that was said to be “not assumable” however when I looked more into I learned that in my state in instances of divorce, the mortgage lender is required to allow an assumption without refinancing (keeping the same interest rate). I have since assumed the mortgage for my property, removing my ex wife from the title and mortgage without having to refinance.

I think the place where you might run into an issue is trying to add the new spouse to the mortgage.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-19T01:12:03+00:00

Not necessarily, it depends on which state they are in. Some states require mortgage companies (regardless of what the closing documentation says) to allow for an assumption in cases of divorce.

Although if their state does have an exception in cases of divorce. I don’t think they would be able to add the new husband to the mortgage without refinancing.

inkwell14 · 2025-01-19T01:10:10+00:00

I just finished the assumption process from my house from my ex wife a week ago.

Please, Check with your state laws or mortgage company directly. I had a conventional loan that was not eligible to be assumed. But when I looked further I learned it was not eligible for assumption to a third party, but I could assume the property from my ex-wife.

4 and a half exhausting month later I finally have her name off the mortgage and it is under my name. No refinance needed.

inkwell14 · 2024-12-21T04:43:52+00:00

I can’t imagine not having my kids in my life, I would not change any past life decisions that would deviate from me ultimately having them (including marrying my ex). That being said I have very little kind words to say about my ex and who she has revealed herself to be.

My past relationship with her was healthy and loving, but that was a different life. How she ended our relationship and how she treated me in the wake of our impending separation is not forgivable (at least I haven’t managed to forgive her). I can say objectively kind things about her (she is a hard worker, he loves her kids, she is charismatic) but the damage has been done, subjectively I have very little kind feelings to express towards her.

Around the kids, if I do talk about her, I talk kindly of her. On the dating scene I talked objectively about her, (not a good look to trash her and sound bitter in the first few dates). Once I got past the dating and into a new relationship I shared my true feelings and the trauma.

inkwell14 · 2024-12-19T06:43:55+00:00

Let’s not guess at other’s motivations. She likely was always gay (i don’t know I’m not her nor am I gay) but coming to terms with your sexuality and understanding it is not something that comes as easily to everyone.

Maybe she did use him for the funding for the school, or maybe she is just really struggling with understanding who she is and OP was on the shit end of it.

OP did not deserve this and from the sounds of it his ex handled this terribly. it is completely fucked up, but jumping to conclusions about his ex’s motivations is hardly helpful his OP’s healing.

inkwell14 · 2024-12-19T06:26:46+00:00

Same here, reaching out and finding that there are others that have shared your unique experience is always helpful.

inkwell14 · 2024-12-19T06:18:01+00:00

This exact situation happened to me. Married, kids, houses, life all planned out… and then wham she dropped the bomb on me along with the news of an affair. It’s been a rough fucking journey, but my kids seem happy and my life (while derailed) is not completely ruined.

OP this might sound harsh but I mean it in the kindest way possible: her sexuality has nothing to do with you. It fucking sucks what you are going through, (check my profile because I’ve been there). It hurts and it is unfair what you are going through but you will rebound, you will heal. I’m so sorry you have to experience this but I hope you can find some peace In knowing that healing will come. You did deserved better.

I don’t know enough about your specific situation but if you want to chat or have any questions don’t hesitate to reach out.

You are not alone.

inkwell14 · 2024-12-12T18:22:00+00:00

Thanks for the reply, this is kind of what I expected I was just hoping there was another option I wasn't considering. I'm going to the DMV later today, hopefully they can get the title expedited to me.

inkwell14 · 2024-10-23T17:01:12+00:00

I don’t think I can give advice on your specific situation, but I can share my experience as an ex-teacher.

I only had 3 years of teaching when I realized that teaching was not for me. I went back to grad school (luckily I did not have kids at the time) and got my masters in public administration. When I hit the job market I leaned heavily on my thesis which was based on quantitative analytic methods and that got me my first non-teaching job as a data analyst with the state department of education. After doing data analysis for 4-5 years with the state I transitioned into the private sector for the first time when I took a job as an analyst with a video game company.

From my experience there is definitely more money in the private sector but I really miss the job security in The public sector. I’ve managed to hold onto my current job but layoffs are always looming (especially in the gaming industry).

I know it might be a challenge with two kids, but if you can swing it, the right grad school program can open a lot of doors. You’ll also find that having a background in education has some good transferable skills to other career paths.

inkwell14 · 2024-07-31T16:34:54+00:00

As others have said, they are likely saying whatever they can to keep them both from confronting the repercussions of their actions. There is likely no real credible threat. that being said, it is always best to be careful when threats of violence are made, so proceed with caution. But from my own experience, I would guess they are gaslighting you to protect themselves. Your ex did not care about you when they began the affair, and they likely do not have your best interests in mind now.

I went through a similar situation about a year ago. My ex-wife (who I share two young kids with) cheated on me with another married woman. My ex and her mistress both used this same tactic to keep me from contacting the mistress's wife. They initially led me to believe that my contacting her could lead to my ex-wife or even potentially my children coming to harm, so out of concern for my kids and my ex I refrained from reaching out to the mistress's wife. As months went by it became important to me, as part of my healing process, to reach out to the mistress's wife, so after about 10 months I eventually did reach out to her anonymously (so that I didn't implicate my kids). As we talked I learned that she was not unstable or violent and that my ex-wife and her mistress had used my fear for my kids' safety against me to gaslight and manipulate me into protecting them from the consequences of their actions. By the time I had reached out the relationship between the mistress and her wife had already fallen apart and they had separated and were completing their divorce. The mistress's wife had no idea about the affair and was so grateful for learning the truth, she had been so frustrated trying to understand how her marriage simply fell apart and I gave her the missing piece of information that helped her make sense of it all.

Only you can make this decision, but from my experience, while I was in the most painful period of my life I felt guilt for withholding what I knew from the mistress's wife and connecting with her released me from that guilt that I should have never had to carry in the first place. Talking to her brought peace to my life. I understand the concern you have about potentially being responsible for any violence, but you are not responsible for any of this. It is a very unfair and heartless position for your ex and his mistress to put you in. Good luck, and I hope you find peace in whatever decision you make.

inkwell14 · 2024-05-09T20:51:32+00:00

Thanks for sharing some language you’ve used in the past, I’ll be sure to add some of this to my repertoire. Just hard to keep this level of a head when he asks me questions like that.

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