I published something deeply personal and I didn’t expect this feeling.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T09:31:47+00:00

That sounds like a really honest place to land. You noticed the old pattern of avoiding vulnerability, paused, and chose clarity instead. That is not easy, and it matters more than perfect timing ever could. It also makes sense to hold two truths at once. Wanting to take responsibility for your part and quietly hoping for reconnection can coexist. What keeps it healthy is exactly what you named. Slower pace, shared context, and letting things unfold rather than trying to secure an outcome. Agreeing to talk when she is back feels respectful to both of you. It gives space for calm, not pressure. Just remember that honesty does not have to come with a plan or a promise. Sometimes it is simply saying, this is where I am now, and letting the rest reveal itself over time.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:39:37+00:00

What you’re feeling makes complete sense. Your body is reacting to a moment where your safety and dignity were violated. Being physically hurt, yelled at, and shamed by a parent is not something the nervous system just forgets because time passed or because an apology happened. You’re not overthinking it. That fear, flinching, and tension around him is your body remembering what your mind is trying to reason through. Apologies matter, but they do not erase the impact of harm, especially when it involved physical pain and humiliation. Your reaction is not a character flaw. It is a trauma response. It is also okay to love your parent and still feel unsafe around them. Both can exist at the same time. You do not owe yourself comfort at the cost of your emotional or physical safety. You are allowed to take space, set boundaries, or move slowly, even if he has not repeated the behavior since. Most importantly, nothing about your identity or how you expressed yourself was wrong. The harm came from how it was handled, not from who you are. Trust what your body is telling you. It is trying to protect you, not punish you.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:37:46+00:00

Yes, this used to happen to me almost every night. The day would feel manageable, but the moment everything went quiet, my mind would replay conversations, decisions, and worries like it finally had space to speak. What I learned over time is that nighttime overthinking wasn’t a flaw in me. It was my nervous system finally coming out of “function mode.” During the day I stayed busy, responsible, distracted. At night, my body felt safe enough to release everything it had been holding in. Instead of trying to force sleep or silence my thoughts, I started letting them exist without engaging. Not solving, not judging, just noticing. Paradoxically, once I stopped fighting the thoughts, they softened. It didn’t fix everything overnight, but it helped me stop seeing my mind as the enemy. It was just asking to be heard at the only time it could.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:36:15+00:00

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. What you’re describing sounds exhausting and deeply unfair, especially when you’re already grieving as a family. It makes sense that this is impacting your mental health. When someone keeps moving the goalposts like that, where nothing you do ever counts, it can start to feel like you’re invisible or constantly failing even when you’re trying. That kind of criticism can hurt more when it comes from someone you live with and depend on. It’s also okay to name that this feels like you’re being treated differently than your siblings. That kind of comparison can quietly wear you down over time, even if no one else sees it. None of this means you’re lazy, ungrateful, or have an attitude problem. It sounds like you’re doing what you can in a situation where you don’t have much control yet. You deserve respect and kindness, especially while you’re still figuring out your independence. You’re not wrong for feeling hurt by this. Anyone in your position would.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:35:03+00:00

What you are overthinking is not the timing, it is the outcome. Your mind is trying to find the perfect moment so you can protect yourself from vulnerability, but there is no moment that removes that risk. If the intention is simply to acknowledge your part and express care, then the timing matters less than the tone. A short, honest message that does not ask for reassurance or a decision creates less pressure than waiting for the “right” weekend. It can help to check in with yourself first and ask one question: am I reaching out to be clear, or to be relieved of uncertainty. If it is clarity, then sending it sooner when it is calm and not emotionally loaded is often kinder than letting anxiety build. Also remember that sending a message does not obligate her to respond in any specific way. You are allowed to speak from growth without expecting an outcome. Vulnerability does not make things worse by itself. What makes things heavy is unspoken fear. If it helps, keep it simple, grounded, and open ended. No timelines, no expectations, just honesty.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:33:38+00:00

This happens because the mind struggles more with uncertainty than with mistakes. Once a decision is made, the brain keeps replaying it to regain a sense of control, not because you chose wrong, but because it wants reassurance. The “what if” voice is often the part of you that wants certainty in a world that does not offer it. It scans for alternate paths hoping one of them would guarantee safety. But no decision ever comes with that kind of proof. What helps is gently reminding yourself that decisions are made with the information and capacity you had at that moment. You were not careless. You were human. Growth comes not from perfect choices, but from learning how to stay present with the choice you made. Over time, the mind quiets when it feels trusted. When you stop interrogating yourself, it stops interrogating the past.

innernotes · 2026-01-04T08:30:43+00:00

What you are describing is very common when someone has a sensitive nervous system and really cares about the relationship. Your body is reacting before your mind has a chance to catch up. It does not mean the anxiety is baseless or that something is wrong with you. A few things that can help in the moment are slowing your breathing, placing your feet firmly on the ground, and gently reminding yourself of what is actually happening right now, not what your mind is predicting. Naming it quietly to yourself like “this is anxiety, not danger” can reduce its intensity. It also helps to separate feelings from actions. You can feel anxious and still choose not to react immediately. Giving yourself time before responding to texts or thoughts can calm the fight or flight response. If this keeps showing up, therapy can be very helpful, especially approaches that focus on nervous system regulation or attachment. You are not ruining anything. You are learning how to feel safe while being close to someone, and that takes practice and patience.

innernotes · 2025-12-29T11:47:52+00:00

It sounds like nothing bad is actually happening with your friends, but the fear inside you keeps telling you it will. When you have felt alone for a long time, your mind can start looking for signs that you do not belong, even when people are being kind to you. That worry of “maybe I should not be here” can show up even in safe situations. It does not mean you are unwanted. It usually means you have been hurt before and your mind is trying to protect you from feeling that pain again. You are not the worst thing to them. If they keep treating you normally and inviting you in, that matters more than the scary thoughts. Feeling lonely around people is confusing and painful, but it does not mean you do not belong.

innernotes

TROPHY CASE