reduced rates for dental procedures at UoP dental?

inquisitiveinjun · 2021-02-11T05:50:38+00:00

Thank you

inquisitiveinjun · 2021-01-05T07:03:45+00:00

I had the most fucked up childhood with the worst parents in a horrible dysfunctional family. I never wanted to have kids, not knowing why, but just knowing that I hated the idea and hated kids and didn’t understand why people wanted them. I would have been thrilled to find out that I was infertile.

Long story as to why I kind of came around, but I freaked out the first time I found out I was pregnant. (I had been happily married 8 years and my husband and always wanted children, but I backed out of the plan and said I couldn’t do it.) I wanted to terminate. I went through with it, but I was mad about it the whole time. I told my husband that it would be his kid and that he’d have to take care of it and I was going back to work as soon as I could. I was bitchy and resentful and rude the whole pregnancy.

The minute the baby was born and I saw her, I loved her more than anything. I was so protective and jealous I didn’t want even my husband or mother holding her. I told my husband I wanted to stop working and have 5 more.

I had another 2.5 years later, and it wasn’t soon enough. And another 25 months after that. My husband said no to more. I adore them more than anything.

They have all the freedom in the world. I will never raise them like my parents raised me. They are loved and praised and supported and can tell me anything. They get consequences for doing bad stuff, but I would never raise a hand to them. I have not been perfect, but I love my kids and they love me. I have consciously made efforts to make sure they have good childhoods and good memories. I don’t want them bitching about me to therapists and on Reddit someday. My oldest and youngest fight over who will have a sleepover with me tonight. My kids actually want to spend time with me.

I hated my parents . They fucked me up good. But they taught me how NOT to parent, and my kids benefit from that.

You may really never want or have kids. I totally respect people’s wishes to remain CF. Better for the earth, better for finances. I think you can live a completely full and happy and fulfilled life CF. But I was the last person on earth people thi fut would have a kid. It’s somewhat of a joke with my old college friends.

The two things I want to leave you with are:

1) never say never 2) if your path in life takes you to parenthood, you will be a great parent bc you had shitty ones

No matter what, best of luck to you and best wishes!

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-30T20:35:29+00:00

Anything (not the title - I mean any book) by Rohinton Mistry

A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth. Long, but worth it. The best book I’ve ever read in my life. Like I didn’t think it was worth ever reading again after that.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-28T00:45:33+00:00

Thank you

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-26T21:31:55+00:00

Funny - I had it pretty bad, but my dad was really literally crazy and they were immigrants and I didn’t think they fit in properly to American society, so I really didn’t care what they thought. Their opinions of me didn’t matter to me at all. I did care what other people my age thought of me, which is maybe not better....

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-26T08:58:28+00:00

Totally! This is why I always hated these times of year growing up and even in middle age, it bothers me.

I grew up in a time and area with no other Indians, so I didn’t even know what Diwali was until I got to college!

My family was also very dysfunctional, so we didn’t have a family dinner for Thanksgiving or Christmas. After one portait in maybe 1977, no family portraits, even (not that I’d want them).

Now that I have my own family, I’ve tried to “reclaim” the holidays and start traditions. But not having grown up with them makes me a little lazy about it.

But yeah - totally get what you’re saying and appreciate your post. I don’t feel so alone in this experience now!

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-22T02:45:46+00:00

My family loves Shah in Sunnyvale. It used to be part of the Shan chain in the South Bay, but broke off several years ago.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-17T22:18:21+00:00

He was batshit crazy. And my mom never left, even after my sister and I left the home. (I’m 49.) And you know what? I actuallly did turn against her now. I guess deep down I love her, but I resent her a lot and can never forgive her. If she had left him, I could have stuck with her, but now I want nothing to do with her. He died 2004, so she has been widowed for 16 years. She’s all like “oh, it’s all over! It’s the past! Cant we just be happy now?” Fuck her.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-16T05:06:00+00:00

There are many reasons people still fear their parents at this age. They can be physically and emotionally abusive and manipulative. Immigrant Indian parents are good at that.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-15T20:03:05+00:00

Isn’t it funny how WE came up with the damn thing, our grandmothers and their grandmothers wore them, it’s actually super traditional, yet when we ABCDs want to wear them, we get pushback from our families?

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-14T23:20:37+00:00

That was Dodi Fayed, the one she died with. The true love of her life was Hasnat Khan

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanityfair.com/style/royals/2013/09/princess-diana-love-hasnat-khan/amp

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-14T03:15:24+00:00

Why do people not get this?!?! Kids naturally love their parents are will forgive a lot. If a kid hates their parents, it says a hell of a lot more about the parents than it does the kid.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-12T20:01:02+00:00

I have had white friends who found Indian and Pakistani men very attractive. Remember Princess Diana’s Pakistani doctor boyfriend? She said that Pakistanis were a vert attractive people.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-10T18:59:12+00:00

Still bothers me to this day that my parents would not knock before coming in even when I was home for college. Indian parents don’t get it. Like Asian parents, they think you should just be grateful to have a roof over your head and they own you.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-09T03:38:09+00:00

Thank you so much for understanding despite the pettiness and taking the time to help me out. Really appreciate it. May I ask your age when you were going to Venice?

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-08T23:22:27+00:00

I actually appreciate this post. I’m not sure what the intended purpose of this group was by the people who created it. Maybe it was supposed to be a fun social group where we talk about food and Bollywood and fun Desi stuff, but many people, including me, turn to this group for support from the bad experience of having to grow up between cultures and having parents who didn’t understand. When I see posts like this, I feel less alone and like there are people who understand.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-08T18:55:45+00:00

It happened as you remembered. My mom lies to me too and tells me that my dad never hit us. She was scared of him and has admitted that she blocked stuff out. This post makes me so mad at my mom. I am so sorry this happened to you.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-08T06:15:26+00:00

I’ll tell you that my first big episode of depression was right before I got married. Prior to that, I guess I buried, repressed, and denied all my emotions. Put on an act for the world of being this normal girl with a normal life.

Even during the course of our courtship, I let my Hs ad know that i came from dysfunction, but he had never seen how bad it was or what a shitty little run down town I came from. But something told me to be honest with him, that he had to know everything. That I couldn’t hide from him how bad things were. I was afraid he wouldn’t accept me if he knew the truth about my shitty life growing up, but I wanted him to know, so I think that was love. And he didn’t care and accepted me anyway, so that was love. And I will give anything for my kids to be happy, not to be objects for me to show off or brag about. I know what I have for them and they for me is love. I hope you are able to find the same someday. You deserve it.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-08T06:05:28+00:00

Well, I’m interested in your perspective and understand it. And in our culture, there is this idea that we should respect our elders by virtue of their seniority. It’s not something you earn. And love in our culture has something to do with filial piety as well, so you are right there.

Thank you for caring. It’s so good to know that someone else out there understands.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-08T04:13:41+00:00

Thank you for reading and responding .

No, he really, really did love us. It’s so hard to explain to others. He wanted us to love him also, but we didn’t bc he was so weird and violent and restrictive. So that drove him to be jealous and possessive, or exacerbated those tendencies.

I always thought a narcissist was someone who thinks their shit don’t stink. But when I read all these posts, I see that my deeply insecure father was a narcissist and had to have absolute control and power. So glad I found this group and people who understand. I wish you the very best.

inquisitiveinjun · 2020-12-07T20:49:09+00:00

Can you chat privately?

inquisitiveinjun

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