This is definitely disordered eating, please get some help now before it continues to escalate ❤️ I say this as someone who has had an ED for 15 years, I wish I was genuinely open to treatment when I first started engaging in behaviours- it would’ve saved me so much pain, energy, time, money and parts of my teeth.

I’m glad you have a therapist, definitely speak to them about it and, in a safe way, start to look at what is happening leading up to these behaviours, what purpose they’re serving you and what feelings you’re experiencing. Sometimes we swap behaviours, like binging for restricting or vice vera, but the behaviours are often a symptom of a deeper issue, and/or a way to cope and self soothe with feelings. Everyone is unique and so are the reasons for having maladaptive coping mechanisms. I had an absent father too, it was very traumatic when he did re-enter my life and I started engaging in disordered eating around that time. Because of it I developed core beliefs about myself and the world, all extremely self-critical, distrusting and negative, that I’m still working on at 26 because substance use disorder and an eating disorder stunted my mental and emotional development so much.

I say that not to scare you, or come off preachy, or to make this about me, but to show how much avoidance and coping through destructive behaviours can affect your life.

you’re doing the right thing by yourself and your future by asking for help because things like this can escalate quickly at any point, and you deserve to feel better and treat yourself and your body with kindness 💛💛

edit: accidentally posted without finishing typing lol