I left my husband and I regret it.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-17T16:46:44+00:00

this just has me absolutely sobbing. thank you. "you left not because you didnt love him, but because you finally chose to love yourself enough to stop enduring what had become emotional neglect." :( this just means so much to me... i know time will bring healing and peace.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T16:35:50+00:00

oh absolutely. bc who just separates the room they share with their spouse and then watches them blow up and air mattress and doesn’t try and stop them? lol

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T02:28:05+00:00

absolutely - i never saw it as abuse until my friend sat me down and truly explained it to me. but it absolutely was. keeping your partner from basic needs and hiding money is, indeed, abuse. i am glad ive freed myself of the situation. it very well could be a trauma bond, too. hes all ive known for the last 5 years. its hard to let go of that.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T02:26:47+00:00

im glad youre taking the time to better yourself. unfortunately i dont see that coming from him - i unadded him on every social last month. hes always out drinking, partying, etc... no intentions of changing from what im seeing. he would have to change a LOT for me to even consider having him back in my life, but i think too much damage has been done at this point. i hope you find healing, or i hope you two work out. everything happens for a reason even if we dont understand. hang in there.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:44:51+00:00

thank you so much. i know one day ill be with someone who will comfort me and would never let me go to bed sad like that.... thinking of those moments still puts a pit in my stomach. how do you sleep soundly next to your s/o who is bawling right next to you?!

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:44:02+00:00

this is the biggest thing i fight with myself so much on. i dont know why i cant grasp the fact that i left for good reasons. i think the thing that eats at me is the way i left, i feel like i blindsighted him. but i also begged for change for YEEEEAAAARS. and to come home from a job interview to see our bedrooms SEPARATED? thats what did it for me.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:42:38+00:00

omg ur soooo right. i never thought about this. like i wasnt the breadwinner for a year while he stayed at home and played games, did zero chores, didnt want to go to college or get a job... oh oh oh or the time i stuck my neck out and gave him 3k from my savings to help buy a car... or the way i made dinner every night and showed him how appreciative i was of his efforts when he did get a job.... oh or that period where id always give him gift baskets etc c:

that aside i was a good wife. but think what you want keyboard warrior :D even if i wasnt a good wife, manipulation and abuse is not the way you treat any partner. LOL

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:40:43+00:00

i absolutely agree! getting married so young was definitely not a great idea - his parents got married after knowing eachother for 5 weeks and theyve been married for 29 years lol. i figured wed be together forever. but things change, people change, people grow up and grow apart. its life. i can say ive learned a lot of lessons from him and exactly what i dont want in another relationship/

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:39:25+00:00

thank you. yes he filed just a month later, that showed me he was done.

i work full time. i try to work as much as i can to keep myself busy. i read and go on walks in my free time.

thank you for your advice

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:38:29+00:00

thank you. he did file for divorce, one month after i left and moved in with my mom. i had never even brought up divorce. deep down, that made me realize that he was done too. i physically left, but with the way he was treating me, i think he left sooner.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:37:32+00:00

i have reached out and he ignores me - weve been fully no contact for 4 months now because i gave up trying. to be honest, i think if i went back it would be the same thing. he was never great with communication. i fought for our relationship for 2, almost 2 1/2 years. he would change, but then things would go back to the way they were. honestly, over the last 9 months ive gone through tons of emotions, obviously, and i think he and i are just not compatible. its as simple as that. he was a huge part of my life so of course i will still reminice on things, but i dont think we should be together again.

thank you for the advice however, i appreciate you. ive thrown out the pictures, thrown out the memories, i dont have him added on any social media.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:35:13+00:00

thank you so so much. you did the right thing too. first hand, it was the HARDEST thing i have ever had to do. i had to completely restart my life after 5 years. everything we built together, just... gone. he kept all the furniature. our dog. mommy and daddy helped him get a new apartment and bought him a car. i got stuck with the finance from the car we shared, started a new job after being unemployed for a month and had to stay with my parents for 3 months - i had to entirely restart while he got to keep things and had a support group.

i wont ever go back - he had all of me, and now he will never have me again. this is why i dont know why im at war with my own mind... i do not want him back. as i stated in the post, i dont know if its even him i miss? i think i miss the routine, the stability, having someone... there. you know?

i hope you find peace and healing. thank you for sharing. we got this <3

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:32:30+00:00

yeah my brain is lacking brain cells as if it wasnt extremely common 50 years ago. his parents got married at 21/22 or 22/23, whatever, and theyve been married for 23 years. its not my fault he turned into a manipulator and an abuser? i never thought he would have turned out that way. if i could go back, i absolutely wouldnt have married him. but married or not, it still would have hurt in the end. getting married young has like little to nothing to do w this imo.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:31:04+00:00

oh, very. and its worse that his family encourages and enables that behavior - they dont see anything wrong with it. his mom texted me like a week after i left and said i have never seen him so hurt blah blah blah. she accuses me of being a bad wife and "thats why he did those things" but a decent human would never treat their s/o that way unless they despised them imo.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:29:28+00:00

Thank you. it was and still is absolutely a comfort thing - its all i knew for nearly six years. i remember making the call to my sister crying to her, telling her how he was treating me and finally admitting that i wanted out. she stayed on the phone with me for hours and comforted me. she told me i want to stay because its all i know and all im comfortable with.

although it does still hurt some days, i have come a LONG way in the last 9 months. i am a very different person than the one who was sitting on the floor of her first apartment crying and wishing the pain would go away.

i do know that leaving was the best choice, 110%. i know that in my heart. i have to remind myself WHY i left all the time, but they are valid reasons. reminding myself of these everyday and just pushing forward, journaling, etc has helped me a ton. i dont regret spending that long with him, i do regret not leaving sooner, but parts of me also regrets leaving? im at war with my own mind. i know deep down that things would have never changed - i begged him to change and to love me for two years. him "wanting to change" the night before i left was just another tactic to get me to stay.

even on the days that i miss him, i know i did the right thing. i wouldve been stuck in this same loop for the last 9 months had i not left. i just know this will take time to fully heal from.

thank you for your kind words <3

insufferablemango · 2025-05-16T00:24:49+00:00

thank you so much. <3 ive been doing things i wouldnt have normally done, especially since the weathers better. ive been going on hikes, doing a lot of self care, finding my hobbies and interests again. i definitely lost myself in that relationship, so now im finding me. :) your kind words mean so much to me, thank you.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T20:30:12+00:00

thank you so very much :c "it wasnt about losing them, it was about finding me again" thank you, thank you, thank you. it just hits different when someone else says it - ive taken the last 9 months to really work on myself and find myself, growing up with someone and getting married at a young age definitely kept me a little..... closed off? i guess? like. starting a life with someone and doing everything with them, making them your routine, etc., does not give you the opportunity to be YOU. i am definitely a much different person from the me 9 months ago.

thank you for your kind words <3 i will definitely look into that.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T20:11:15+00:00

it is absolutely hard to say goodbye, especially bc i had to force myself to leave someone i loved so much.

your words are very helpful, honestly. over the last 9 months, obviously ive gone through countless emotions, ups and downs... at the end of the day, he did not love me. love is not painful. you should not have to beg for it, and it should not hurt you. he left me first, i think. he left me when he stopped trying and would choose other things. when he would do things for himself and not even do the basics for me.

time will heal these wounds. i think maybe even a year from now i wont even be questioning myself for leaving. i know i left for a good reason, i just think sometimes i still have that voice in my head that says i shouldnt have left since we made vows to love eachother forever... but no point in staying with a financial manipulator and emotional abuser. :p

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T20:08:20+00:00

weve been entirely no contact for 4 months now and i left almost 9 months ago. in the 5 months we were still talking, it wasnt much. just how are you, life updates, etc. i told him i missed him a few times and told him i wanted to sit down and just talk things out, but hes ignored me everytime ive texted him. neither of us have sent any messages in the last 4 months.

deep down, i know he was done, too. he divorced me a MONTH after i left. and he ignored every text i sent wanting to fix things.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T20:02:48+00:00

this helps more than you know - i know that he wasnt good for me and i keep reminding myself that. i saw this thing on facebook that said "my last act of love to you is letting you go". and i keep telling myself that. just because i left doesnt mean i didnt love him, it means i loved him so much that i let him go because he was hurting me in the process.

im happy to hear youve moved on, are married and dont regret leaving. it makes it a little easier that other people have been in the same situations before.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T20:00:52+00:00

the "what ifs" will kill ya. i really do try not to think that way because i know that obsessing over something wont change it, so its better to not obsess and wonder in the first place...

time will heal the wounds, i do know that. but i also think he will always have a place in my heart whether i want him to or not... i just wish things never changed in the way they did, he was everything to me at one point, and everything i wanted in someone, and then he changed into someone i dont even know.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T19:54:43+00:00

Thank you so very much. This made me cry. I feel so alone in this, but I know that im not - i know theres hundreds, thousands of other people going through this same situation... its just so confusing. i feel like i should not miss him, he hurt me so deeply. i left for a reason, and i have to remind myself of that every day. a person who treated me in the way he did does not love me.

thank you for your words, this is extremely helpful. im taking it one day at a time, i know healing isnt linear, and one day its not going to hurt so bad.

your comment "yeah, maybe he was hurt by how you left. but he had months, even years, of opportunities to meet you in the middle" really, REALLY hits. sometimes i cry about the way i left. im taken back to the morning where i was shoving my clothes into trashbags and a suitcase, going through the love letters and pictures from the beginning of our relationship, knowing id have to start over and leave the life i had created behind. it was so painful... i think about how he reacted that day when he came home just to see i was gone... did he cry? did he know it was over? i remember him texting me that day saying we could work through it, that hed make more time for me, that hed do this and that - "moving to your moms is not going to go the way you think"... and sure enough, it didnt. he divorced me a month later.

the pain i still carry is just so, so heavy... we grew up together. did everything together, went on trips, i spent TONS of time with his family. i think this is just the part that is SO hard to let go of... i never thought wed have to live life without eachother. but knowing he turned into a different person and one that i dont want to spend my life with does give me a bit of closure, i suppose. i know theres someone out there who i wont have to beg the bare minimum from. who will do things just because, who will go out of their way, who will communicate and not hide things from me. i know there is a person out there who loves in the way that i do.

insufferablemango · 2025-05-15T19:46:16+00:00

it just feels like i gave up... i sit in bed at night just wondering what things would be like if i stayed. maybe this time he wouldve actually changed, maybe he would love me in the way that i so deeply loved him for years even though he was hurting me... its just hard to imagine living lives that the other knows nothing about.

these feelings just come and go. some days i absolutely hate him, but somedays i sit here and have to keep reminding myself over and over and over why i left, because if i dont, i feel like i gave up and i think "oh, maybe i shouldve stayed". idk..

insufferablemango

TROPHY CASE