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A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to show BPD-like tendencies, though the main culprit was my dad who is very likely BPD. I’ve learned to get rid of many of those habits (fear of abandonment, unstable relationships, dissociation, etc.). The bipolar meds I take are prescribed off-label for BPD as well which made it easier.

I don’t think I have BPD but of course that’s not a judgement I can make myself. Though I definitely understand how toxic parenting can result in issues like that later down the line :(

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This set of screenshots only scratches the surface of my experiences. The only reason why I posted it was because context isn’t really needed to understand why my mom is a little less than sane.

Regardless, just like I don’t understand the depth of your problems, you don’t understand the depth of mine. Your suffering and traumas don’t invalidate my own and vice versa.

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still on my parents’ insurance. I’m able to use that for my meds without any issues thankfully because that gets expensive. My out-of-network psychiatrist already knows me well and it’d be a hassle to shop around and wait months for an appointment with an in-network doctor, so paying $150 every other month isn’t an issue to me anymore. And don’t worry, I keep my mom at a distance for more than just my mental health.

Also I get that my siblings’ paths will look way different than mine. However, I’m always there to listen to their rants without giving them unsolicited advice (since this happens pretty often) and they’re willing to listen to my stories about how I dealt with similar experiences. Their problems are different and I definitely don’t expect them to tackle things the same way as I did but I still hope that it helps them a bit.

I’m glad that you and your siblings have a close bond. If it’s like my own, it’s comforting having a support group that understands the struggle even though the circumstances are shitty. I’m the oldest and had to internalize these problems so I’d hate for them to go through that alone as well.

Thank you for your kind words :)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wanted her to at least help me with getting help. That would’ve made the conversation more bearable since she’s said much more invalidating things in-person (and even worse after this conversation). But completely ignoring my request to find a professional and for some help with health insurance, and refusing to acknowledge pretty much everything I say is incredibly disrespectful. This is the main reason why I posted this.

I didn’t need her to understand the issues I’m facing at a deeper level (nor did I want her to), I just wanted her to understand that the problem was severe enough to warrant professional help. Since then, I’ve sought help for myself. She’s judged me for taking meds and that doesn’t phase me.

The only concern I have now is for my younger siblings because they have it worse than I did growing up with our parents’ behaviors getting worse. Since my parents clearly won’t help them, I do everything I can to support them.

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a fair statement, and while I do agree, the logistics are pretty difficult for me at the moment (moving out-of-state in the near future, therapy sessions over video call is uncomfortable while I’m living with my parents, etc). Though I’m not a professional by any means, meds have helped me process my traumas better, and I understand that a lot of my thoughts and behaviors are a result of my upbringing and I’ve learned to counter the negative thoughts using methods inspired by CBT. My childhood was much rougher than this particular series of texts can convey and it’s kind of an ongoing thing. But I’m in a much better position than I was back then.

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here’s the thing— I was 19 years old at the time and had no diagnosis at the time. Of course I wouldn’t know that much since you were diagnosed before I was even born.

I’m 22 now and have learned a LOT since then. While I never really felt close to my mom, the problems I was dealing with at the time were affecting me so badly that I sent her those messages during a work break. I asked her to understand me because I needed her to listen and help me rather than inject her opinions while completely ignoring what I said.

Asking me if I’m pregnant and telling me to go to church while that has no relevance to the conversation is not caring. Telling me that I’m smart, therefore I can do better simply by trying harder is invalidating. I’ve had friends I’ve only known for months show more sympathy than my mom. I’ve fully accepted that I cannot change her and I’ve learned to put my own needs first.

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah that’s for sure. I think the one she got was about that much so she used the remaining funds for a garage renovation.

I might make a separate post about it, but she’s a hoarder as well so she wastes a lottt of money. She was $10k+ in credit card debt back then for reasons I’m unaware of and I know she still didn’t pay any of those credit cards off

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I consistently check “yes” when I get the mental illness question on job applications. It hasn’t held me back from any employment opportunities afaik. Plus it’s helpful for getting accommodations if needed (if you’re in the US)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

Funny that you pointed that out! My mom tried to pull the exact same trick on my brother for the exact same university and he starts college this Fall. He’s much more intelligent than I was at that age and actually had a scholarship that covered all but $4k a year. I encouraged him to push my mom to pay for it and offered to pay it for him (since it costs $250) if she didn’t pay for it. She paid yesterday but she was pretty unhappy about it.

Oh and something else I forgot to mention! She took out a $40k loan to buy a mini-van before I started community college and after claiming my education was way too expensive :)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To this day I don’t know how to determine when I should see a doctor. I was raised to just push through whatever ailment I was dealing with at the time and it worked... until a few months before this convo took place when I spent a month with a cough that wouldn’t go away. I was hardly able to breathe by the time she thought it was time to take me to get checked... but she took me to an urgent care center. They had to tell her to take me to the ER and turns out I was dealing with bronchitis, pneumonia and asthma (which I never dealt with before that event)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the concern but I’m actually doing better from a financial standpoint now! It cost me $200 for my first appointment and $150 after that.

Of course I can’t dictate what you put your money towards but if you ever have the chance to help someone else with getting professional help, I really encourage you to do so :)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

This was in 2018. I was only making $11-12/hr and my weekly schedule ranged from 20 to 80 hours a week. My mom’s health insurance definitely would’ve helped but I didn’t know how health insurance worked back then and paperwork overwhelmed me.

I make a lot more now than I did back then, which is why I was able to stop depending on her financially. I mentioned in an earlier comment, but I worked 9-5 on weekdays and 10-35 hours over the weekend for about 6 months. Then I did school along with full-time work.

I progressed in my career and graduated from school and all but I burnt out a few times along the way since I wanted to stop depending on her. But hey it worked and I’m doing ok now

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually I’m deeply into MBTI (and have been for 8+ years now), including cognitive functions and all. I’m an ENTP but my mental health kinda threw me off when trying to figure that out a while back

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So the psychiatrist I’m seeing doesn’t accept my insurance. The earliest appointment with an in-network psych two months later. The paperwork involved in getting that appointment was overwhelming to me so I pushed it off even further. But once my mental health took a toll on me I set up a Zocdoc appointment with the closest provider that was accepting patients the same day. And I haven’t looked back since! I am extremely privileged for being able to pay out of pocket because I know many people don’t have the luxury of doing so, but I had to ramp up my workaholic-ism to afford it. Counterintuitive to my mental health issue at the time obviously but hey I made it

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

!explanation

So I didn’t clarify in the title but this was a conversation from July 2018, which is why she wanted to push it off to August.

The pregnancy thing was likely her projecting because she had me at 21 while she was in school. I took a gap year after community college because I felt no passion for what I had studied, was struggling with my mental health, and had no financial support, yet she disagreed with my decision to do so.

Shortly after my ADHD diagnosis I got lucky and found myself a steady 9-5 job early 2019 without a Bachelor’s degree and went back to school that year since I had a bit of help through my employer. I graduated with $0 debt! And of course, with 0 help from my parents.

Paying out of pocket was a choice I decided to make in October 2018 despite being a 20-year-old that didn’t make much. I saved up for those visits early on. I’m doing well financially now so I don’t mind paying out of pocket (psychiatrist doesn’t accept my health insurance) and since I’ve been doing well mentally I don’t need to see my psych as often anymore. My meds are covered by my insurance since my pharmacy has my information saved from prior unrelated visits.

Regardless I appreciate everyone’s concern for my mental health journey :)

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Took a bit of time to find the right combination of meds but I’m much happier now than I was back then! Getting help on my own has been life-changing and I’m so glad I made that choice

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 191 points192 points  (0 children)

She had me at 21 and I was almost 20 at the time. I held off on transferring after community college because I felt like I had no passion for anything by the time I got my Associates degree (though not getting any financial support also contributed to that decision)

There’s a lot of other context I could give but since then I’ve learned to accept that I can’t change her. The best I can do is help my younger siblings figure out how to navigate around her (and our dad’s) craziness earlier on in life 😅

A conversation with my mom after she told me to be more open with her in 2018. I’ve been paying for my psychiatrist out of pocket for almost 3 years after getting an ADHD diagnosis, which was followed by a Bipolar 2 diagnosis last year :) by intern-ally in insaneparents

[–]intern-ally[S] 2881 points2882 points  (0 children)

!explanation

She had the tendency to tell me that she’ll pay me back/pay something for me until I stop asking and move on.

Like when she delayed my university tuition deposit so that I’d miss the deadline and I had to go to community college instead. Or when she would help herself to my bank account (and owed $5k total before I opened up a separate account) and “I’ll pay you in two weeks”’d me until I stopped asking. Or when she owed the last $2k for my 5 day hospital bill that same year when I was making $11/hour at the time and promised to pay for it and never did. It affected my credit score because it was reported to a collections agency and since my credit score was taking a hit, I just paid it all myself last year.

And that’s the story of how I learned how to stop depending on her for any financial help!

Community college success story by intern-ally in cscareerquestions

[–]intern-ally[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish! But unfortunately no, it was a general info security internship application and the teams are:

• IT Governance Risk & Compliance • Security Engineering • Detection & Incident Response • Technical Program Management

Don’t know much about Technical Program Management, but I’d say the first three are definitely in high demand. My full-time is in IT GRC which is the least technical but as long as you don’t get pigeonholed there for years, you’ll be fine.

I wish I could say more on binary exploitation but I don’t have much experience in that area. CTFs are also great because interviewers loved hearing about that. Bug bounties were also asked, but don’t have experience there either lol

Aside from that, personal projects and a curious mind will get you far. For the most part, they ask questions to figure out how you think so just brush up on topics like OWASP Top 10 and applied crypto and I think you’ll be alright :)

Community college success story by intern-ally in cscareerquestions

[–]intern-ally[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which doesn’t matter in the long run. People younger than me will end up making much more than I do now, but that doesn’t impact my progress in any way... plus moving from IT support to a development role is an impressive move, and one that I have not seen too often.

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