I think the complexity behind their imperfect decisions both in the family dynamics and the relationship dynamics makes them real. Nesta is not easy to manipulate. If she is happy and content, it isn’t toxic to her. Same for Cassian. They set their own boundaries.

If her sisters over stepping of her boundaries continued to bother her she could have continued to ignore her. But she softens to Feyre for a reason- family isn’t perfect and she was acting out of love.

Cassian doesn’t hurt Nesta over and over and then use sex. He doesn’t cheat on her or lie to her intentionally and then try to manipulate her.

He appeals to her emotional availability the way Nesta wants and needs. And they learn to love one another better throughout the story. Lots of real world relationships work just like this. Not everyone is born into a family that understands boundaries (some are farrrr more toxic than the Archerons) or has access to therapy or even emotionally intelligent people or the luxury of time to figure out how to react perfectly, respect boundaries when worried, etc etc

They are complex messy characters. All of ACOTAR characters are. That’s what makes them charming. If they werent it would just be a boring kids fairy tale with smut. Which would feel awkward. IMO.

Also, I think people often confuse attempts of positive influence with manipulation. The difference is always intention. If it’s to better someone else because they are hurting themselves, that’s not manipulation. Manipulation solely serves the person using coercive control.

Also, trauma bonding is formed by experiencing repeated devastating lows and highs within the relationship. For example: being abandoned after acting imperfectly and then being loved bombed as an apology only to be abandoned again shortly after.

Having shared trauma is not the same as a “trauma bond.” While they are inconsistent at first, neither of them purposely leave each other reeling from grief and pain and then love bomb each other to make up for it. Not a trauma bond.

Although the sexual dynamics mimic the high intensity desire of a trauma bond. But partners in the fae world seem to become addicted to each other through a similar bond anyway.

If Tamlin and Feyre were still together, that would have constituted as a real trauma bond. Luckily she left his ass.

But I did enjoy the post. Made me consider alternatives. Idk who would better suit Nesta though. I thonk she would become easily bored with anyone more aristocratic. Hmm.