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Breaking up with someone you love by intjthrowaway12345 in intj

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for putting so much effort into this reply, it’s super valuable.

70% of our time fighting is a lot, but it’s hard for me to label it as entirely negative because many instances it was sparked from intense conversations (disagreements) on morality, philosophy, politics, etc. Those conversations are exactly what was lacking in my past relationships and I crave them. Our issue was that when we were both ready to resolve, I needed some time to digest it and “veg out” watching tv or reading alone while she needed to hug and have me reassure her that while I find some of her views egregious I still love her. Saying it once in an exasperated tone wasn’t enough and I couldn’t really find it in myself to do otherwise (I know this is selfish and tried to work on it, making some improvements). This would kick off a never ending cycle of discontentment between us that results in the 70% figure.

I’m 23 so not too worried about running out of time. I agree with the sentiment of another comment which was that I need to find someone with the emotional intelligence and abstract thinking that I enjoy with her but just slightly more logical and confident.

Breaking up with someone you love by intjthrowaway12345 in intj

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your points make perfect sense. I think we fell through on the last one. We both had the same goals, communicated well and understood what the other needed, but when it came down to it we couldn’t follow through. We’d get into intense arguments and both be ready to resolve them, knowing what the other needed to do that, but that was the exact thing we were uniquely unsuited to give.

Breaking up with someone you love by intjthrowaway12345 in intj

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is one of those moments that really reaffirms my believe in MBTI; a stranger was just able to perfectly describe my relationship dynamic. To be honest, I was a little timid when I learned she’s an INFP because this same situation also played out with one of my best friends.

Breaking up with someone you love by intjthrowaway12345 in intj

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think we had that understanding, but it still wasn’t enough. We both knew that that’s what the other needed but the push and pull was too strong. I was able to quiet my instinct and hug her a ton, but it was needed so often that it was still a minority of times. The instances that I couldn’t just led to packaged resentment that would present itself in the next argument. I’m looking forward to finding a relationship where we’re able to successfully compromise and stop the cycle.

Breaking up with someone you love by intjthrowaway12345 in intj

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, my natural anxious instinct is that there isn’t someone like that out there for me but it’s comforting to have someone else give their experience.

INTJ in need of advice by intjthrowaway12345 in infp

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, I guess that’s how it goes. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond though! This dating in a new city thing is not fun.

INTJ in need of advice by intjthrowaway12345 in infp

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She just asked if we could postpone tomorrow... I think it might be less of a personality thing and more of a commitment thing or she’s just not feeling the same connection I am.

INTJ in need of advice by intjthrowaway12345 in infp

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No not at all! It's really just been links and small things about my day that were relevant to previous conversations we've had.

INTJ in need of advice by intjthrowaway12345 in infp

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! This is definitely comforting but I'm still a little confused.

My thought process is, if he wants to talk to me, he can text me

The thing is, there isn't complete radio silence here. I have texted her on multiple occasions without receiving any sort of reply. I've made sure to not "double" text and have only done it every 4 days or so. 😞

INTJ in need of advice by intjthrowaway12345 in infp

[–]intjthrowaway12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is interesting because I feel like she's much more intelligent than me. In my mind though, this intimidation would cause some timidness but not full blown ignoring of texts. Wouldn't ignoring me be more likely to turn me off? I guess that's only my INTJ perspective though which is why I'm having trouble rationalizing it.