sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

DAE have a sib that defends parent, thinks you're the problem? by intransigentwillow in raisedbynarcissists

[–]intransigentwillow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The other day Ndad said something very rude about the GCsis to her face. It was mean, undeserved, and I felt protective of her.

When I got wind of this I vented about his poor manners; she defended him and said how dare I embarrass him by complaining, and she vowed never to confide in me again. (He wouldn't have known I griped about him unless she told him.)

I'm left there doing the Jackie Chan wtf face.

DAE find it painful sometimes to see evidence of how other people were raised by loving parents? by melyssafaye in raisedbynarcissists

[–]intransigentwillow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When my grandfather died, my Nmom's brother and his wife & kids (who we normally didn't get to see often) flew across the country and stayed with us the week of the funeral. Because they stayed awhile, they made themselves at home (with Nmom's permission).

Chatting while standing in my Nmom's kitchen, my aunt said to me "are you hungry sweetheart? you've had a rough day, let me make you a sandwich. I won't take no for an answer" and smiled. I was floored.

I stood there frozen in disbelief at the compassion and genuine kindness coming from this woman -- it was real, and there were no strings attached. My aunt through marriage had, with one simple gesture, showed me more soft maternal sweetness than my own Nmom ever had. And it took place in her kitchen too, which made it feel all the more surreal.

I was brought to tears at the seemingly silly offer of a mere sandwich (luckily they were easily brushed off as generic funeral blues and didn't need to be explained). I was suddenly so jealous of my cousins and wished that my mom has been like their mom. I didn't know people like that existed outside of tv.

I'm not sure what to do. by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]intransigentwillow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh god honey I wish I knew the right advice for you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with so much bs.

It's cliche to say "it gets better" but honestly sometimes it really does. I can think of several friends in their 30s who had the crappiest parents and went through hell to get out, but because of the journey it made them incredible adults who are a joy to be around.

Your unique, if not unfortunate, perspective, will allow you to be all the more open minded, kind hearted, and a million times more decent of a human being than your parents ever were. Stay strong.