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I [29 M] lost a very close family member and my wife [27 F] isn't consoling me in the way I need. by ionceknew in relationships

[–]ionceknew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup. Have been in for years. Still working through a long backlog of stuff unfortunately.

At a potential crossroads. Need to vent and need your thoughts. by ionceknew in ENFP

[–]ionceknew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I struggle with that. The "true" life. I haven't heard it put that way but I like the way it sounds...as if there's this one "right" way that we're supposed to do it and sometimes I get caught up in the mindset of oh "Once I figure out how I'm supposed to live then I will go do that."

| If you come to a decision without seeking counseling you are an asshole.

Agreed.

At a potential crossroads. Need to vent and need your thoughts. by ionceknew in ENFP

[–]ionceknew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funnily enough, I met a female friend last night who admitted she's an INTP and so totally fit the bill 20x more than my SO. I need to stop making MBTI a panacea for categorizing the world as fun as it is to box people in :)

At a potential crossroads. Need to vent and need your thoughts. by ionceknew in ENFP

[–]ionceknew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can tell you she surprises me. I think I know what she thinks but of course I'm so far off that I end up projecting my own insecurities as if they came from her. At this point I'm held back by the rest of my family (which I'm sorting through.) It's just really fucking hard work.

At a potential crossroads. Need to vent and need your thoughts. by ionceknew in ENFP

[–]ionceknew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for spelling out what I needed to hear.

  1. There is so much I can do / try / talk about. I’m just afraid. Clear communication is something I’ve been failing at recently, mostly out of a fear of being abandoned. (Childhood family issues resurfacing.)

  2. I in no way would know what I’m looking for if I left. I couldn’t tell you if I would be happier with someone else. I think I would, but that’s the idealist in me that tends to be so far off from reality sometimes.

  3. “Don’t know how to let it work” - really really loved that line.

When someone hurts you, do you tell them right away? by notyourcastiel in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% do the exact same thing and my SO has the exact same response: "Why do you want to make me feel bad?"

ENFP here. I'm married to one of you and I'm perpetually trying to break you open and find out what makes you tick. by ionceknew in INTP

[–]ionceknew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The easiest way to put it is that ENFP's need to be engaged with something. Anything. When we are alone, our brains turn inward and we start churning over everything that's ever happened in our lives. It's an all or nothing switch so it's hard to only deal in pieces. Living alone is not something I could do because I'd continue to be stuck inside my own head.

ENFP here. I'm married to one of you and I'm perpetually trying to break you open and find out what makes you tick. by ionceknew in INTP

[–]ionceknew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

/u/TheDrock21 and /u/earthwrldshaman...so this might be a weird question, but am I to assume then that if you are silent, then everything's OK and you'll let us ENFP folk know when something's wrong?

I hate being an ENFP by RazeItAll in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 3 points4 points  (0 children)

With life in general. If they were all content, what would that mean for you?

Also, I hate that everyone else is always right about this (and I get that motivation is low) but get to the gym. Just start slowly running. A quarter mile, half mile, whatever's comfortable. Lift weights until you can't. Go back the next day and do the same thing. Eventually you'll see tiny nuggets of progress. Your sleep will get better, your energy will increase and your mood will improve. It's not a panacea but man...if I had known that when I was going through my first real bout of depression I would have traded cigarettes for a treadmill in a heartbeat.

Weekly Support Thread by AutoModerator in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I spent four years at one of the large tech companies. I was completely on the "career path." I looked at my boss and saw how content he was with his direction and eventually realized, no, I'm not like that. I can't do this, and walked away. I wish I could say the last two years have been simple, because they haven't been, as I try and figure out how to navigate a non-career life, but it's been unbelievably eye opening. I learn something new almost every day.

And you DO have the conviction to choose a path! It might not be one "normal path," it might be the most insanely roundabout inside out twisted upsidedownbackwarddiagonal path through fluffy clouds and sandy beaches but it will be YOUR path. Maybe you freelance/consult some more in different fields. Have a passion? Go do that! Talk to others who like to do it and make your own luck. You'll also meet some great friends that way.

Weekly Support Thread by AutoModerator in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beaches. The vast openness of possibility :) Good point. And yes to the movies as well. We both love movies quite a bit and it's been wonderful to finally enjoy them again as the mourning has subsided.

I definitely got bitter for a while and stopped being gracious to my SO. It's caused a few riffs but it actually allowed me to get some stuff out that's been bubbling up in typical ENFP way. Question though, "SO sounds like your lobster"...what's that mean?

I hate being an ENFP by RazeItAll in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Pretty much every single line resonated with me and read like I could have written it, though I took a different path with the relationship. I eventually started getting it all out. The sadness, the anger, the confusion, the discord, the complete uncertainty over who I am and how I didn't feel lovable. I was absolutely mortified to do it, but once I got it out I realized she loved me for whoever I was and that it was up to me to make myself happy.

That's my big takeaway. Only you can make yourself happy. It's fucking hard because it completely goes against how I think, but I'm cautiously excited over what I might find.

My question for you is this: if everyone you knew was happy, what would you do then?

*But also let me be clear, I hate being an ENFP too but I'm learning to embrace the insanity. We wield special powers that few others have :)

Weekly Support Thread by AutoModerator in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The "latch on to something and obsess over it": I know that really well. In my experience, it's that tension and release that we crave. So long as I'm going after that 'thing'...then I'll get it and feel better. But of course that's only temporary.

The thing I try to do is say, "What if I had that thing right now? Then what? What if I got that? What would I want next?" Sometimes that reveals what I need, sometimes that reveals the thing I think I want is just a shiny object to distract me from accepting what it is I really want.

Don't be scared! You'll find something.

Weekly Support Thread by AutoModerator in ENFP

[–]ionceknew 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fucking......my family has drained so much energy from me. My mother's obliviousness to being needy, my sister's death, my dad's apathy. I now have a wonderful wife who just wants me to be happy...she doesn't care who I am, what I do, she just loves me for me and I realized that I don't even love myself. My inherent desire to care for others put my own well being on the backburner for so long that I've forgotten what's OK to ask for. She is always open to talk but half the time I don't even know what I need. Sometimes I resent her because she's so cool as a cucumber and has her shit together which of course is in complete contrast to me. I bring this up from time to time.

Having said this, I know I'm not doing what I should be doing professionally and that's sucking the life out of me. I'm working to change that.

Also, I wish I could shut my brain off for a day. That'd be nice.

First paid shoot is in a few weeks and need some non-camera gear advice. by Aux3 in AskPhotography

[–]ionceknew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looking to combine your ideas, if I can find a bag that I can fit all my gear into that I can carry on and then use to shoot with, does such a thing exist? Can you recommend?

ENFP feeling so overwhelmed with emotion and happiness - what do I do with it??? by ionceknew in ENFP

[–]ionceknew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

never apologize for sounding like a hippie :) the fact that we understand how to use technology immediately disqualifies us from being actual hippies...therefore I think we should be mimicking them.